| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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My fiance has online profile looking for discreet casual sex!
Q. I have been with my Fiancee for 3 years. We are both in our 40's. A few months ago he was in a car accident and was house bound for three months. During that time, he got very upset with me for not giving him more time and attention while he ...
A. 31 January 2011: If the difficult times were that bad for him that he needed other women, he would have broken up with you. He was looking to cheat. What happens later in life when you hit a rough patch (not if, but when) and when your sex life hits a slow point ... (read in full...)
Cheating and the Internet...A Wife's Perspective
Q. Recently, I discovered that my husband had been looking at personal ads on the internet. And, not only was he looking, he was emailing responses. I’m sure you all know the ones I am talking about. The “casual encounters,” section of a popular ...
A. 31 January 2011: Everyone has different opinions on porn and the internet in relationships, and just because you feel one way, doesn't mean women who feel another way are "prudish wives." In fact the majority of women dislike porn in their relationships, and the ... (read in full...)
My husband likes his bum licked, is this normal?
Q. Hi guys this is rather a funny question but it has been puzzling me for a while now. My husband likes me to lick his bottom whilst he masturbates lol!. I know it sounds funny and i have no problems doing this but is it normal? He has a bit of an ...
A. 31 January 2011: Not unusual or gay at all. It's called a rim job. If you both like it, why not? Just be careful of hygiene, since that is how you get ecoli (though usually from not washing your hands enough before eating or cooking). Lots of guys love having that ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about my girlfriend after we had anal sex?
Q. Me and my girlfriend had anal sex for the first time and the next day she was complaining that her butt-hole hurt and it bled when she tried going to the restroom. is this serious should I be worried?? Please help!!!! (Note this was our first time)...
A. 31 January 2011: Bleeding could be a sign of "normal" micro-tearing or it could be more serious and lead to infection. If it doesn't stop hurting in a day or two, she should go to the doctor. It's probably nothing, but it could get infected if it doesn't heal ... (read in full...)
Both virgins, on birth control pills.... do I REALLY need a condom?
Q. Me and my girlfriend are both virgins but we are planning on having sex in a couple of weeks. She's started taking birth control pills so there is no chance of her getting pregnant. We havent had sex so STI's are also out of the equation so do i ...
A. 31 January 2011: Birth control pills are more effective than condoms. However, more effective doesn't mean no chance of pregnancy. There's always a chance she could still get pregnant. Before you have sex, have you talked about what you would do if she did get ... (read in full...)
I hate condoms and she won't go on the pill!
Q. I am in a bit of a predicament with my new girlfriend. We're both 22 and have been going out for 2 months. Last week we talked about having sex with each other for the first time, it's not that one of us doesn't feel ready it's just an issue with ...
A. 31 January 2011: The pill can really wreak havoc on a woman's system. Some women react awfully to hormones, mood swings, complete loss of sex drive, loss of ability to orgasm (can be permanent), hot flashes, headaches, weight gain, etc... You'd be willing to risk ... (read in full...)
Why are man always so concerned about there performance and not about what porn actually can do to their brains and judgement?
Q. Porn is a big topic in a lot of relationships. For my own opinion, it is quite sad to see so many guys using porn to get satisfaction,despite having willing and loving partners. The argument is often just to have a quick gratification and not to ...
A. 27 January 2011: Actually, our brains can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Several studies have examined exactly why people get turned on by porn and it's not what you'd think. They found that there is a huge impact on our mirror neurons when we ... (read in full...)
Why did you even ask?
Q. What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
A. 26 January 2011: Good article! I agree it's very annoying when people qualify with a "don't judge" "don't tell me [blank]" since we assume they came here for honest advice. If you don't want the honest truth, don't ask! Sort of like when someone asks if they look ... (read in full...)
Should I talk all the time on stay quite during a movie date?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are going to the movies in a couple of weeks. We have been dating for two months and this is our first actual date. Iv been out to dates at resturaunts and iv met my ex s parents but iv never been to the movies on a date. am i ...
A. 17 January 2011: Generally I'd say keep quiet during a theater movie, while the occasional (very occasional) comment during a movie at home is OK. It can be very annoying when people try to talk during movies. You can talk about it after, like go get a coffee or ... (read in full...)
Is the porn industry corrupting me?
Q. My new years resolution would be not to masturbate while dating. Though since im not I do everyday after school ( Finished all my homework etc.) will it be hard to stop. the reason(s) are below 2. I heard that an over consumsion of Pornagra...
A. 16 January 2011: Masturbation is normal and healthy, but porn at your age isn't. Obviously most people look occasionally, but it's good that you're realizing porn consumption, especially at your age, can have a very negative impact on future relationships. But by ... (read in full...)
Dating my ex girlfriend's best friend has turned into hell! Everyone hates me!
Q. I am dating my ex-girlfriend's best friend and everyone is mad at me and hates me except for my girlfriend. I love her a lot but my life is starting to be a living hell. Do you think it was a bad choice to go out with her? If no how do i get them to ...
A. 2 January 2011: I doubt there's anything you can do now. Breaking up with her will probably only make everyone else still hate you, plus she'll hate you. You made the choice, you may have to just ride it out.... (read in full...)
I was told by my GF :"Girls don't like it when guys last long, they get sore and it hurts down there". Really???
Q. Hi, Happy New Year by the way! So, when I have sex with my girlfriend, first I pleasure her for about 7 minutes until she finishes, then we have sex and I last for about 1 minute on a good night. Now, once I kept "doing it" for a while after I wa...
A. 2 January 2011: Well if she's already orgasmed then I'd imagine it wouldn't feel great if you just kept going, especially if you'd already finished. If you're wearing a condom, semen can leak out the bottom if you keep going so it's dangerous. If she's on the pill ... (read in full...)
Men: If your woman is satisfying you, why do you need porn?
Q. Ok first off, I’m not married, but I keep having this fear of my future husband watching porn. I understand that most men watch porn but why? If your woman is satisfying you why do you need it? Many men say they need variety, but is that fair? Women ...
A. 31 December 2010: Just for reference, not all men use porn or lie about it. About 70% of men use porn occasionally. Just to clarify that, it is possible to have a porn-free relationship.... (read in full...)
Should I invest in a keylogger for his laptop and phone even though my heart tells me it will probably spell the end of our marriage?
Q. My husband and I have been together since we were 19, married since the age of 20. He's always been heavily into pornography and is constantly pushing me to engage in activities that make me uncomfortable. I understand that porn use is very comm...
A. 31 December 2010: Aspergers impedes his ability to have empathy. It also impairs his ability to understand other people's emotions. So when you cry/get upset, it means it's difficult or impossible for him to connect his actions to your feelings. I am dating someone ... (read in full...)
I love him, but I get turned on by porn and not by him!!
Q. I'm looking for help with my sex life in regards to a particular problem I've been having over the past few weeks. Me and my boyfriend have been in an amazing relationship for almost 2 years, and sexually active for just under a year and a half of ...
A. 31 December 2010: If you think porn is interfering, then stop watching porn and see if it improves.... (read in full...)
He always accuses me of cheating, but I didn't!
Q. Hi... I would really appreciate your help, because i am really desperate now... My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now.. i never done anything that could make him think that i like someone else, except going out a few times, and ...
A. 30 December 2010: I hate to say this, but this is called a projection. It sounds like he's the one who's cheating. Anyone who irrationally starts accusing their partner of cheating out of the blue and constantly, is probably feeling guilty about their own affair.... (read in full...)
Haven't heard from him in over two weeks!
Q. I met a guy at a club the first weekend of this December -- well, we started dancing and it just went from there. He was really cute and sweet and funny and I felt comfortable with him. Anyways, he said he had to leave and asked if I wanted to come ...
A. 30 December 2010: Sounds like he's just not interested. If you messaged him already after the holiday, the ball is in his court. If he really likes you he will find a way to contact you, vacation or not. Sounds like you need to move on.... (read in full...)
I had sex and now I'm nauseous. Is this normal?
Q. i lost my virginity on christmas 5 days ago and 3 days ago i have started getting stomach aches and feeling like vomiting but nothing happens is this a normal symptom or should i be worried? :/ ...
A. 30 December 2010: You wouldn't start feeling nauseous if you were pregnant that quickly after having sex. It's probably unrelated to the sex. You could just be sick.... (read in full...)
Frustration for both of us over my slow arousal point. What can we do?
Q. my boyfriend is very good at oral sex and i really enjoy sex with him. I get frustrated, and so does he, because it takes me way too long to reach an orgasm. Sometimes i feel as if i'm concentrating too much on it, and maybe that is why. What is s...
A. 28 December 2010: What is way too long? It's common to take at least 20 minutes to orgasm. Have you thought about adding in a small bullet vibrator? Or you could switch between him using his mouth and his hands. You can also add in your own hands to get there faster.... (read in full...)
I have an online friend that I confide in rather than my boyfriend. Is this wrong?
Q. Hi everyone .. Please help me think.... Ok...I've been living with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We love each other. We like doing things together and spend 24 hours a day together coz we have the same Job and work at the same place and same ...
A. 26 December 2010: If you and your boyfriend agreed to a monogamous relationship, this is an emotional affair as you are becoming more emotionally dependent on another man than your boyfriend. I'm sure your boyfriend would be devastated to find out, you should end it ... (read in full...)
How much is to much orgasmic juices?
Q. When i have sex i tend to get the bed and the man i am with all wet.Is this normal.I mean its like i am urinating but know its not, especially if i am on the top in control.How much is to much orgasmic juices?...
A. 26 December 2010: It's totally normal. Some women get so wet they can't feel anything and even that is normal. You can always stop the action and use a towel real quick. If you mean that you're ejaculating, the norm is between a few tablespoons and up to two cups! So ... (read in full...)
Can taking one birth control pill before your period mess up your cycle and make you more fertile?
Q. So I havent had sex since Feb 2010 because my boyfriend had went away for a while. And while he was gona I stopped taking my birth control. So he came home Dec 15 2010 and I was expecting my period that and I didnt want to be on it because I wanted ...
A. 25 December 2010: One pill won't do anything to your cycle at all. It didn't make you more or less fertile. If you already ovulated that month, then one pill couldn't have messed up your cycle enough to make you ovulate again.
You need to use contraception every, s... (read in full...)
Is it normal to bleed after rough intercourse?
Q. A few days ago i had what you could call "rough" sex. As in penetration was hard and fast. After i noticed quite a lot of blood on the bed sheets and it shocked me because i didn't realise how rough we must have been. I have never bled before that...
A. 25 December 2010: Chafing pain after sex comes from small micro-cuts inside your vagina. So if the sex was extremely rough, it's possible he really hurt something. Sex that rough is bad for you body and increases your risk of infection. If it continues to hurt or you ... (read in full...)
Are tampons comfortable?
Q. im 13 and i started my period not long ago and i use pads but there really uncomfortable and panty liners :/ i want to try a tampon but im not sure if it hurts? if its even more uncomfortable? and whats its even like to have one "in"?? please help ...
A. 25 December 2010: No you shouldn't be able to feel them at all if you put it in correctly. When you first try them I recommend you buy a plastic applicator type since they will go in easier and are just generally less hassle to insert. I was scared to try them for ... (read in full...)
Could I have an STI?
Q. Well, i've recently had unprotected sex and my penis has been really itchy, at the tip of it, and there has been a yellow colored discharge coming out, not much but just a little bit, would this be an STI? if it is what can i do, i dont want my ...
A. 23 December 2010: It sounds like an infection of some kind. It may not be an STI. In most places the doctor is required to keep these things confidential. This could develop into something more serious before you know it. Your number one priority is protecting your ... (read in full...)
Should I confess or not?
Q. hi i have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and im finding it really difficult to cope with my guilt. about 3 weeks ago me and my boyfriend wern't getting along very well and this boy added me on a social networking site i accepted and he ...
A. 23 December 2010: No. At this point it will do nothing but hurt both of you. The only reason you want to confess is to clear your conscience. Telling him is a selfish move on your part. What will it do for him? Break his heart. What will not telling him do? Nothing. ... (read in full...)
My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. How do I forgive him?
Q. My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. I just found about it 2 months ago. He paid her $200.00 for sex in a motel room. (Isn't that protitution?) I also found recepits where he bought her jewelry three different times. ...
A. 23 December 2010: I agree with eyeswideopen. What is your motivation for forgiving him? In general, with few exceptions, the only times it works out to forgive a cheater is:
1) He or she confesses within 24-48 hours without significant prompting.
2) It was a o... (read in full...)
A blog post convinced me that I'm being used
Q. I've been seeing a guy and we were together about 4 months, split up for about 2 but kept in contact and are now sort of back together. altogether we've known each other for about 7 months and I haven't slept with him though he has asked me and he ...
A. 23 December 2010: It sounds like you know deep down he's bad for you/using you, but you miss him. Missing someone is not a good reason to get back together.
Remind yourself why you broke up. It sounds like a good reason to stay broken up. It also sounds like he'... (read in full...)
Is it okay to go back on the contraceptive pill?
Q. Hey guys, my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago after being together for just over a year. When we broke up I came off my pill, however in the past week we've been meeting up and having sex in his car. What I want to know Is there any ...
A. 23 December 2010: It is safe to start the pill during any point in your cycle, however you need to use a back-up method for at least seven days. Some pills may require a longer wait, check in the directions on your particular brand. If you've lost the packet, check ... (read in full...)
Guys: What is so great about anal sex?
Q. Hi there This is mainly a question for the guys. I have been on this site for a while now and there is one thing that I kept asking myself. What is so great about anal? I am really interessted and just want to get a few honest and mature answ...
A. 23 December 2010: I'm not a guy, but I have heard that it's mostly a combination of three things:
1) It's tighter.
2) It's forbidden and has a certain feeling of domination if you know she's doing it 100% for your pleasure.
3) It's very common in porn, so ... (read in full...)
He had a hard time from everyone in school when they found out I like him, what should I say to him to apologise?
Q. i am at school and am gay, i never noticed this guy really before even though i have been at school with him for over 10 years, and then one day i was sat by him in class and suddenley realised i like him. it started off me just being interested and ...
A. 1 December 2010: There's nothing you can do at this point. Don't say anything about it, don't bring it up. The only reason I think you want to apologize is that you want an excuse to talk. The best thing you can do is just leave it alone. If he wanted to talk about ... (read in full...)
I found a letter from his ex-girlfriend what should I do?
Q. ok me and my bf have been together for six months and we have liked each other for five years i cleaned his room today and found a letter in his dresser from his ex gf it was in the open so he must know its there what should i do? ...
A. 20 November 2010: Well you could always ask about it, but unless it's naked pictures I'd let it go. I'd imagine it's difficult finding the letter because it's hard to be faced with the idea that not only did he date before you, but that he actually liked his ... (read in full...)
I am very tempted to have lots of sex and see what is out there for me. Should I?
Q. I am very tempted to have lots of sex and see what is out there for me. I am in a long distance relationship with an older man who has done it all and been there but I have no experience and I feel like I am missing out on plenty of things. I need ...
A. 20 November 2010: Just because he's not here with you does not give you permission to cheat. You agreed to be in a relationship and either you need to respect that or break it off with him. It's unfair for you take his being elsewhere as permission to cheat. If ... (read in full...)
FWB doesn't want to "ruin the friendship." What does that mean?
Q. What does it mean when a guy you've been friends with for 7 months,but have also been intamate with says that he doesnt want a relationship because he doesnt want to ruin the frienship.Is this just a nice way of saying I don't look at you like that?...
A. 19 November 2010: Yes. It's his way of saying he still wants you on call 24/7, but without the commitment. If you want a relationship and he doesn't, you need to leave or you'll just get your heart broken.... (read in full...)
Does his girlfriend of 5 years deserve to know the truth about her "perfect man"?
Q. Does his girlfriend of 5 years deserve to know the truth about her "perfect man"? I starting seeing this guy who I really feel for only I always got the impression he wasn't all he seemed, anyway after a long time I found out that he had a girlfri...
A. 19 November 2010: Do not get involved. It's really sad for her, but it will only make her hate you and be miserable. This is something she needs to find out on her own or from him. It's never good to be the person who breaks up a couple.... (read in full...)
I am sick and tired of people perceiving me as shy and quiet. How can I change that?
Q. I might not be the most outgoing person on the planet but I am not shy. Not any more. As a teenager I used to be very insecure and shy and I practically spent my teen years alone in my room. But I have made tremendous progress since then and today I ...
A. 19 November 2010: First, to address speaking louder, yes, you should speak louder. There is quite a bit of middle ground between speaking quietly and yelling. Make sure you also stand up tall. Stick your chest out a bit, roll back your shoulders. Pretend you have on ... (read in full...)
He says it is due to my "lack of sexual desire" that I don't feel anything during sex. Is that true??
Q. My husband and myself have been having sex for the past one year. During this time I never experienced an orgasm. I want him to enjoy sex for which I take the initiative in doing things which he likes. Our sex usually lasts 5 mins. He starts ...
A. 19 November 2010: This is not your fault. Your husband has a serious lack of understanding of female sexuality if he thinks a bit of fondling before quick sex will do it for you. He's being extremely selfish in his refusal to even try and then blaming you. Porn is ... (read in full...)
He's hard to read, but the electrocardiogram test says it all... is he into me?
Q. Dear readers, I don't know how can I read him. My classmate is so hard to read. I know that he likes me then but I don't know what about now. I'm kind of unpatient. He was so shy around me but he is normally a cool guy. As we didn't talk much...
A. 19 November 2010: Sounds like he might like you. Why don't you flirt with him and send him not so subtle hints that you like him? Or better, you could ask him out yourself.... (read in full...)
How do I last longer?
Q. Plain and Simple...I'm a guy...How do I last longer in bed? I get so turned on and can't last more than a few minutes and always finish before she does. ...
A. 19 November 2010: Chigirl had some good ideas. Also some things to try, stop before you get too close (don't just sit on the edge waiting for the "edge" to go away) or you'll a) be torturing yourself and b) not be able to last much. As well, some common tips include ... (read in full...)
He has a tape of him and his ex together, why does he want to keep it? And what is with all the lies?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 4 months and everything seemed fine. Then (2 months into it) I found out he was watching porn. I have told him about the fact that I have a problem with it. He looked me in the eyes and promised not to look at it ...
A. 17 November 2010: Hmmm well to be honest it's probably hard to get rid of a "souvenir" like that. I can see why especially in a new relationship you would hold onto it just in case. I'm far more concerned about the lying. It would have been easy to just explain why ... (read in full...)
He has a tape of him and his ex together, why does he want to keep it? And what is with all the lies?
Q. I have been dating this guy for 4 months and everything seemed fine. Then (2 months into it) I found out he was watching porn. I have told him about the fact that I have a problem with it. He looked me in the eyes and promised not to look at it ...
A. 17 November 2010: Dump him immediately. This is red flag cheating behavior, hanging on to a sex video of his ex-girlfriend. If it was something covered in dust and stowed away and genuinely forgotten and untouched, that would be one thing. But a guy who actively ... (read in full...)
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