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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I am in a bit of a predicament with my new girlfriend. We're both 22 and have been going out for 2 months. Last week we talked about having sex with each other for the first time, it's not that one of us doesn't feel ready it's just an issue with contraception. I HATE using condoms, just the way they feel makes me really really uncomfortable, its like wearing a wet sock. And she wont go on the pill because she's got some weird phobia of taking medication. The injection and coil are both no-go's as well.Both my previous girlfriends agreed to go on the pill so there was never an issue with them about my hatred of condoms. I asked my GP about the options but he was no help at all, all he said was don't have sex (no joke). The other day I agreed to wear a condom and we had sex for the first time but I absolutely hated it. Does anyone no any other kind of contraception there is?
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male
reader, huggymuscles  +, writes (7 January 2018):
Haha weird thing about condoms? Whuttt? Lmao.your delusional.. No guy likes condoms.its like beating off with a lubed glove.guys take dick pills just to stay hard.yes STDs ,child support all that. i get it..but he's not some hybrid anomaly.condoms blow.my girlfriend is off the pill for two months and were nearly breaking up due to no physical interest.trued lambskin,dams,Japanese brands. Start getting flaccid the moment its on.its just life you have to cope m
A
female
reader, missm83 +, writes (3 February 2011):
 my boyfriend told me from the start he hated them..but he used them for me, i went of the pill before i met him cuz i couldnt afford it(it cost me 80$amonth) and i wasn't having sex on regular basis. But i went back on it for him. he offered to help me pay for it. we both got tested. he wanted to wait to have sex with out condom 1st 2months i was on the pill just in case. having sex with out a condom is amazing and it makes me feel so much closer to him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 February 2011):
 Feels like a wet sock vs. side effects of hormonal birth control:
Some women may have undesirable side effects while taking birth control pills. But many women adjust to the pill with few or no problems.
Some of the most common side effects usually clear up after two or three months. They include
bleeding between periods (most often with progestin-only pills)
breast tenderness
nausea and vomiting
Nausea and vomiting may be helped by taking the pill in the evening or at bedtime. But do not stop taking the pill because you feel sick to your stomach — you will be at risk of pregnancy if you do.
The hormones in the pill may change a woman’s sexual desire.
It’s important that you find a method that won’t make you feel sick or uncomfortable. If you continue to experience side effects after taking the pill for three months, talk with your health care provider about changing your prescription.
After stopping the pill, it usually takes one or two months for a woman’s periods to return to the cycle she had before taking the pill. Once in a while, a woman may have irregular periods or no periods at all. This may go on for as long as six months after stopping. This is more likely if her periods were irregular before starting the pill.
Serious Side Effects of the Pill
Many women have concerns about the possible risks of taking birth control pills. Serious problems do not occur often. And progestin-only pills have a lower risk of serious side effects than combination pills.
Combination pill users have a slightly greater chance of certain rare, but serious, problems than nonusers. These problems, that may be fatal in very rare cases, include heart attack, stroke, having a blood clot in the legs, lungs, heart, or brain, or developing high blood pressure, liver tumors, gallstones, or yellowing of the skin or eyes (jaundice).
The risk for these problems increases if you
are age 35 or older
are very overweight
have certain inherited blood-clotting disorders
have diabetes
have high blood pressure
have high cholesterol
need prolonged bed rest
smoke
Serious problems usually have warning signs. Report any of these signs to your health care provider as soon as possible:
a new lump in your breast
a sudden very bad headache
achy soreness in the leg
aura — seeing bright, flashing zigzag lines, usually before a very bad headache
bad pain in your abdomen or chest
headaches that are different, worse, or happen more often than usual
no period after having a period every month
trouble breathing
yellowing of the skin or eyes
---taken from: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-pill-4228.htm ----
If she doesn't want to subject her body to the changes and risks associated with birth control pills, she shouldn't have to.
As other aunts have pointed out, the pill does not protect against STIs. By the way, when you saw your GP, did he do a thorough STI check for you? You've had previous partners, so you have been exposed to whatever they might have had. Not all STIs show symptoms, you do have to have a check for them.
Here is a chart showing the various options for contraception: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
Which feels better, sex with a condom on, or no sex at all? That ultimately will be your choice here. Much as you hate wearing a condom, she hates having to expose her body to the chemicals and hormones in birth control pills, and that is a systemic, internal situation. With a condom, all you are facing is some latex over your penis. You're not at risk for developing blood clots or any of the other side effects.
Bascially, you're putting your own sexual pleasure ahead of her health and well-being.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 hi
condoms are not just to prevent pregnancy though are they? and as you are clearly a man who has managed to avoid wearing them in the past coz you don't like them, i can understand your current girlfriends misgivings! (have you been checked for STIs?)
2 months is very early days, i would not want to ride bareback with a bloke that i had only been seeing for a matter of - lets face it - WEEKS either. the pill CAN have side effects too, and some are SERIOUS side effects, so if she doesn't want to do this, you are just gonna have to either wear a condom, or like your doctor said 'don't have sex' (sorry!) maybe when you have been in the relationship longer and she is sure that you are more serious about her she may change her mind about the pill
xx
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A
female
reader, Helz_Angel +, writes (31 January 2011):
I agree with the others in that it should be both your responsibility. Yes, the potential side-effects of the pill, coupled with her medication phoebia may take precedence over your dislike of condoms. (Like someone else said, rather them than a screaming baby or an STI). If she doesn't want to take it, then that is her right. Plus, the pill does not protect against STI's, so if you do decide on another form of contraception, it would be wise for you both to get a check-up beforehand. You are going to have to come to some sort of compromise over this issue. Your doctor should really have discussed inserts with you. These may be an option. Either the IUD or the IUS are devices which fit into the uterous to protect from pregnancy (one of which is non-hormonal, if that is part of the problem for your girlfriend). Encourage her to visit a (different) GP to discuss all her options. Also bear in mind than NO type of contraception is 100% guaranteed.
P.S, don't be tempted to use the withdrawal technique (you can still get pregnant from this). Also, it isn't advisable to just use spermicidal lube in addition to planning around her fertility timetable. This is fine to do in addition to other types of contraception if you want to be extra safe, but they are not reliable as their own method. Again, I wouldn't consider the snip. You are still young and may not want kids now, but the vasectemy is irreversible, and how you feel now may not be how you feel in ten years time.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (31 January 2011):
 I hate 'em too, but I hate the idea of an unwanted pregnancy or an STD more.
I'm with Sageoldguy. If you hate them that much, snip snip!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 January 2011):
 The pill can really wreak havoc on a woman's system. Some women react awfully to hormones, mood swings, complete loss of sex drive, loss of ability to orgasm (can be permanent), hot flashes, headaches, weight gain, etc... You'd be willing to risk her physical health for your own pleasure? After all, the burden of taking the hormones is all on her, and the risk of getting pregnant is all her. It's unfair for you to place this burden entirely on her simply because other women were willing to do it. It's not her fault you don't like condoms, and condoms don't mess with your entire hormone system. You can't expect her to sacrifice her physical well-being so you don't have to use condoms.
You can't force her onto hormones, and if you try she'll resent you for it. You have three options, wear a condom, don't have penetrative sex (oral and manual stimulation are technically sex), or get a vasectomy. It's horrible there aren't more options out there for men, everything is still in clinical trials. Until that wonderful day when men can share the burden, I recommend shopping around for better condoms. For instance Kimono brand is very thin and most guys vastly prefer them to other brands. They are also extremely inexpensive online.
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A
female
reader, Br1dgette +, writes (31 January 2011):
Sure, she can use one of the vaginal dam things and there is also spermicidal lube. They aren't as successful as birth control but I think it's very fair that contraception should be BOTH peoples problem and not JUST fall on the man or the woman. I think women are expected to handle this a lot of the time and it really isn't fair. If she has a phobia of medication that seems as fair as you disliking the condoms.
She could also buy those fertility things that you pee on that tell you when you are ovulating. Then you can avoid peak times for possible baby making. I'd say spermicidal lube and knowing for sure when she is ovulating seems like a fair enough game plan. It also seems relatively safe as far as it goes.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Your options are limited to pill form, injections, or the inserts. So your girlfriend won't take a tiny pill because she has a phobia of medication? What's her excuse for the insert and injections?
Couldn't she go on the pill, crush it up and put it in her drink?
No form of birth control is 100% so it is recommended that you wear a condom. There's still that small chance of an unwanted pregnancy.
Seriously, you heard it from the doctor..if no one is willing to use contraceptives due to whatever a phobia, or because they hate it then practice abstinence if you don't want a pregnancy.
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 I would feel very uncomfortable for my partner to want to have sex with me without a condom. This would just show how careless he has been in the past. The realationship has to grow and I have to trust him and he has to trust me and know that we are only intimate with each other for us to have sex with out a condom. I would get my self check for any STD if I were you, and I really think your girlfriend is smart for not allowing you to pressure her into having sex without a condom.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Sorry dude. I know it sucks. Condoms are not as pleasurable as bare sex, but still beat going without, don't they? And they still beat child support payments or catching/spreading a disease. If she doesn't want the pill, then your options are condom or no sex. Actually, even if she WERE on the pill, you still should wear one for the reasons CelticTiger listed. That's just being responsible.
Sorry, but that's reality. (And yes, my ex went on the pill and her libido dropped like a stone. It didn't even come back when she went off the pill!)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): simple answer FEMIDOM and btw i think you are being selfish about this
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (31 January 2011):
 So its ok for her to be uncomfortable, possibly get horrible side effects just so you don't have to wear a condom?
That isn't really very fair now is it!
You are making this all about her. Being a man you have no idea HOW the hormonal contraceptives can disrupt your system. Not only can they make you feel very ill (as in vomiting, stomach pains etc) but also they can make you nervous, depressed, grumpy and in some extreme cases suicidal. Not to mention the havoc it plays with your hormones. Not to mention the drop in libido that often comes with taking the pill - YES thats right, sometimes taking the contraceptive pill makes you not want to have sex! Funny isnt it!
Why should she HAVE to go on the pill just so you dont have to wear a condom? It isn't really comparable is it. At the most all you get is a wet feeling. She may have physical symptoms that means she doesnt want to have sex at all.
What about the risks of an STD - how many women have you slept with unprotected? Are you 100% sure you are clean? Were all the women you slept with clean and healthy? Even if they said they were, you may have caught something. You could have been passing on an std without even knowing it.
What about pregnancy? The pill isnt 100% reliable. If she takes other medication, is ill, misses a pill.... without a condom you are leaving yourself wide open to the patter of tiny feet.
So come on now. Grow up. Be a man. If you want sex, deal with the condoms.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): I don't see the people as medication as such. You are putting in your body what is already there and for most women there is no problem with taking the pill. Some do suffer side effects, but the best type of pill is the combined pill anyway. I am not a guy but I know that wearing a condom is awful as it really reduces the sensation greatly (plus they are very expensive). Just make sure that you are both clear of possible STD's - get checked to make sure - I can't emphasise this enough. If she still won't take the pill than maybe do anal...!!! Sorry, that's all I can say, please be careful though.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 January 2011):
 So you aren't concerned about STD's? Why is that?
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Your GP is right.
If you are not willing to wear a condom, don't have sex.
Any kind of contraceptives can have bad hormonal effects on the body, it can be very stressful. You have no right to persuade her into taking medication or having a permanent foreign body in her.
If this bothers you so much, you may not be sexually compatible. Or you will be having babies.
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A
female
reader, Miss.Knowitall  +, writes (31 January 2011):
 Go look up these.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-implant-implanon-4243.htm
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-patch-ortho-evra-4240.htm
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-vaginal-ring-nuvaring-4241.htm
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/diaphragm-4244.htm
But you do not seem to be understanding. If she has a phobia of medication and you have some weird thing with condoms you can not make it out to be her fault. Plus I think your being a baby. Your condom is dry till you come then take it off.TADA. But who am I to judge. Try something that doesn't have to go into her body that is medication. Talk it over and see what other types she would prefer.
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