A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi i have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and im finding it really difficult to cope with my guilt. about 3 weeks ago me and my boyfriend wern't getting along very well and this boy added me on a social networking site i accepted and he swifly wanted to chat to me on msn. He ended up asking and asking and asking me to go on webcam. I said i would but i wanted nothing to happen between us. He had me that sick i eventually gave in and showed parts of my body in which i really regret. me and my boyfriend havnt been better atm and i dont want to confess because im scared of his reaction. I plan on not doing anything like this ever again and ive learnt my lesson, i want a fresh start. should i confess or not ? what are your views on this situation.thankyou . please help xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnow theres another problem. the girl that was involved in the foursome messeged me on facebook today. her boyfried todd had text my a few nights before asking how i was and stuff. alls he said was is that she was snoring and was asleep and he wanted sex off her but couldnt get any so we were having a laugh cause i said my boyfriends exactly the same. then the conversation had got going and i said something like " we should of had sex to make them feel the pain we went through" and now im apparantly sending dirty texts and saying shes boring in bed. im so confused i just dont want this situation to get out of hand ONCE AGAIN. if my boyfriend thinks ive been dirty texting hes going to go off it especially after i wanted a fresh start. what now ? how do i finally clear this up once and for all and tell her that i wasnt dirty texting ? shoul i mention the fact that i said we shud of had sex so they felt the same emotional pain or wait until it gets brought up ? xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni had to tell him , i just sort of said that the lad had threatened to ruin our relationship by sayin he would tell my boyfriend if i didnt do it , i just said i got scared and felt threatened and i was crying. i just had to tell him the truth. :(
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit seems like most of you think i should move on from it and concentrate on my relationship. The thing is i get the odd wave of horrible guilt when something reminds me of it. Its like i can never keep things to myself. Does anyone think i should wait and then tell him and say it happened ages ago or should i move on.
there was a foursome that went on when we were all drunk. my boyfriend had , had sex with his mates gf and i was meant to have sex with her boyfriend but it didnt happen. I just couldnt bring myself to do it. And ever since then id been doing stupid things like i mentioned in my last thread.
I really hope this goes out of my head because deep down i know its something i should keep to myself. Afterall i know in myself it wont ever happen again. and i literally showed myself for a few seconds and though no this is wrong. The boy also manipulated me into doing it sayin if you dont do it im going to tell your boyfriend and email him that you did it anyway.
whats your take on the situation now folks ?
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (23 December 2010):
 No. At this point it will do nothing but hurt both of you. The only reason you want to confess is to clear your conscience. Telling him is a selfish move on your part. What will it do for him? Break his heart. What will not telling him do? Nothing. So long as you'll never do it again, you need to keep it to yourself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): As you've learned from it, just try to put this episode behind you and concentrate your energies on making things work with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): HI there
No I don't think you should ''confess''.
What you did has in fact nothing to do with your BF. You did not cheat on him or stab his back in any other way.
It was something that has only got to do with you and your privacy. Of course it was quite a poor way to solve a problem but that is a horse of a different colour.
If I was you I would forget about this incident and rather put all my energy into working things out with him. I am sure you can find better ways to deal with problems in the future.
Talk to him. Talk about what the problem is and how to solve it. Find ways to change your situation. Instead of dwelling on your own anger and hurt feeling and let that make you do stupid things, give both of you a chance to fix it.
Communication is the only way to make a relationship work.
wish you all the best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): I think it depends. If it is a one off thing then I dont think there is anything to gain by confessing. However if this is an ongoing thing or if it happens again then I believe your BF has a right to know and make a decision based on all the info.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): If you can keep it to yourself and live with the guilt then keep it to yourself.
He doesn't need to know. However if he asks then I wouldn't lie. You say you've learned your lesson, but you need to make sure you never turn to another guy when you're having problems with your boyfriend, because in those moments anything can happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): You made a mistake. Keep it to yourself. There is nothing to be gained by telling your boyfriend. How on earth did you get yourself into this, exposing yourself, when you made it plain that nothing was going to happen. Be very firm with yourself in future.It sounds as if you can be manipulated into doing things against your better judgement. So be wary.
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A
male
reader, steph007  +, writes (23 December 2010):
For me, this "showed parts of my body" would not be a big deal; I think I would mainly laugh at it. If your boyfriend gets mad of it - as a girl - I would not cling on him too much, this is sure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): In this situation, i would keep it to yourself. If you know for certain that it will never happen again and are truly sorry then just try and forget it and move on.I don't think telling your boyfriend will do any good and you say you've learnt your lesson so i would just leave it at that.
Never, ever do anything like that on a webcam. Whether it be your boyfriend or someone else because those things can end up on the internet and i'm sure you don't want to see yourself on some porn site.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2010): IMO, things like this are best not confessed. You need to find another way to work through your guilt, and work on building your relationship. There is nothing positive about sharing this - you know not to do it again, so don't.
Best of wishes!
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