A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I might not be the most outgoing person on the planet but I am not shy. Not any more. As a teenager I used to be very insecure and shy and I practically spent my teen years alone in my room. But I have made tremendous progress since then and today I have many friends, both male and female, I don’t have a problem talking to people and making eye contact. And yet, for some reason, people perceive me as shy and feel the need to tell me that! Every time somebody tells me “You are such a shy girl” or “You are the shiest person I know” (which is a horrible insult for me), it feels like a slap in the face because that means I haven’t really made any progress at all.Now, I admit I have a problem with blushing, which I hate, but fortunately it doesn’t happen too often. When it does happen, I feel humiliated and embarrassed, like I am naked and exposed. I also have a naturally quiet voice, and I avoid yelling because than my voice becomes high pitched and my parents told me, many times, that it sounds very unpleasant. Do you think if I talked louder, people wouldn’t think I’m shy? I don’t know what to do or how to act, because I don’t see any difference between my behavior and the non-shy people’s behavior and yet, I’m the one always being labeled shy. It makes me so angry to know that the impression I make on people is so different from the one I want to make. How can I change and be more outgoing? I would really appreciate your advice. Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): I'm the OP. Thank you for your answers and advice, I'm glad there are people out there who can relate to my problem. I will try working on my posture, as person12345 suggested. That sounds like a really good idea because I've never payed attention to my posture before and it is possible that I've been slouching without realizing it. Some posters mentioned using make up for blushing, I do that too, but I know a regular foundation can't cover it, so I am planning on buying camouflage make up as soon as I can afford it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): Tell you what, I also had the same situation just like you.
The thing is people around me just wanted me to open a bit. I remember when I was in 6th grade my classmates told my teacher that they wanna talk to me but they don't know how cuz I always quiet even for the jokes and funny things, I laugh quietly. Then I don't know what to bring up to talk to them. I think that's a major problem. Should really find something to share with friends. When I enter the university I changed. Not much but I have to talk even in my quiet and a little squeaky voice. Maybe it's bothering you a bit to say it twice but that does help me to speak. May be you can speak up a little. For blushing perhaps that's your charm. I also blush too and that can't be help. You know that some guy just get more attention on you when you blushing? It really not a big deal. My boyfriend said I looked pretty when blushing. It sounds like you really did make a progress in that. If the comments come from someone who doesn't get on well with you I think you should ignore it. It's your life and so just be yourself. This maybe your personality that people just want to remember you. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Sarahh._x  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 You want people to notice you? Go scream your name from the rooftops women! Let everyone know your there don't be ignored but a part of society if you want something in life you'll have to go get it!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): You need to stop worrying about what people think about you, so much. I know to you being called shy is an insult but obviously people don't mean it that way. I'm pretty my exactly like you. I was painfully shy when i was a child, if a stranger spoke to me i just wouldn't reply, it was so bad that my mum took me to the doctors because she thought there was something wrong with me.Obviously i'm not like that anymore but i'll always be a quiet person and prefer my own company most of the time.I don't think you're ever going to be the life of the party, so to speak, and that's ok. Some people are just naturally quiet and to be honest i know a lot of people who would prefer to be around somebody like that rather than someone who's always talking or shouting because that starts to wear thin very quick.By talking louder people will probably just find it annoying. Carry on as you are and accept that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): I also know how you feel - I am now 60 and am still surprised by comments people make which label me as 'quiet', 'conservative' etc. I remember when I was about 12 and at summer camp, I said the word 'shit' and another girl said 'I can't believe you said that word, you don't seem the type'. Only the other day I mentioned to someone in our village how fast some drivers race past and I mouth 'asshole' at them. She said OMG I never expected to hear you say that!! Sometimes when I say something, people will say 'it's always the quiet ones'. So you are definitely not alone, it is odd how we perceive ourselves and how others see us. I would never see myself as shy but obviously I give out 'shy' vibes. I too had a problem with blushing especially when someone was talking directly to me like at an interview or even in work when the boss spoke directly to me. I learned how to wear a green foundation under my make-up so my blushing wouldn't show - even knowing I was wearing it gave me confidence, I don't know whether it worked or not but it did help a lot thinking that even if I was blushing, it wouldn't show. As you grow older, it doesn't matter so much whether you come across as shy (think of Princess Diana). I would much rather be labelled a bit quiet than a loud mouth. Another thing is that I used to hate partys or socialising as I was no good at going up to people and starting a conversation but when I began a job as a receptionist, I learned to start talking to people about anything like the weather etc., and I soon found that people would respond by talking back and that is something that you will only acheive with practice. One day someone will say about you 'she is such a nice, quiet girl' and it will be meant as a compliment. We can't change the way we're made but with practice you will find the confidence to just be you - a lovely, sensitive (if a bit shy) girl. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (19 November 2010):
 First, to address speaking louder, yes, you should speak louder. There is quite a bit of middle ground between speaking quietly and yelling. Make sure you also stand up tall. Stick your chest out a bit, roll back your shoulders. Pretend you have on a very sparkly pendant that you want to show off. Changing your posture to a confident one is the single most dramatic way to exude confidence. Also if you just keep telling yourself to do these things, that people SHOULD look at you, that people do want to talk to you, it will make you feel more at ease. I used to blush a lot too, so I started wearing thicker foundation to cover it until I got to be more confident. Then no one would ever know. Just keep repeating some sort of mantra when you walk in a room that will give you confidence and remind yourself to roll back your shoulders occasionally. When you do this, exhale and try to release tension in your neck and shoulders. If your posture is confident and at ease, you will be confident and at ease.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (19 November 2010):
 I know just how y ou feel. I was very insecure and shy when i was younger. At 19 i made a concious decision to not be shy anymore, so unfortunately for me because it was so unnatural i became loud, centre of attention, party animal. I used to like the attention i got, good or bad and it got me in to allsorts of trouble. Thank God over the years I calmed down and found a happy medium. You don't need to be shouting the odds, People can come and talk to me now and age and experience of life has given me things to talk about to them so at least i may be quiet but im not boring. Good Luck!
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