A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I find it very hard to feel confident in myself. I can't help but notice that most guys my age (and even older, who you'd think would be more mature) think that plastic, fake looking women are "perfect". I see it countless times on Facebook, blogs, forums or even comment pages on newspaper websites, where guys post things such as "Sh'es so beautiful, so perfect, she's the most beautiful woman in the world", about your typical glamour model.Of course, glamour models are pretty. But I don't look like one. People always tell me not to compare myself to them, but it's hard. That's what guys want. It's not even like it's just a fantasy, nd that they actually don't want it in real life. They really do describe these women as "the most beautiful woman, in the world", or say that they'd wish their girlfriends looked like that, that they'd immediately marry a woman like that, etc.I have small breasts, chunky thighs with cellulite. I'm brunette, tan, with brown eyes. In other words, really average. I have had guys tell me I'd look great with implants, and have also heard guys comment how so and so looks so much better and hotter after getting implants (butt and breasts nonetheless!)How can I feel confident when guys clearly want something I'm not? I know I shouldn't care so much about what they want physically and want them to like me for me, but you can't deny it's hard when you're bombarded with images of perfection 24/7, especially when the guys in my dating pool all seem to prefer that look!
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (3 November 2010):
 I wouldn't worry about breast size too much. I prefer women with smaller ones they always seem to have better bodies. But blokes have different opinions on what they do and don't like. Some like a nice butt, some like nice eyes, some like a nice smile, some like sexy legs and others like breasts. So I wouldn't worry about your phisique. There is always something about someone that is incredibly sexy to the opposite sex. In Your case to this so called wanna be rock star he likes breasts. I know a few lead guitarists and all they do is wish they could be famous. They keep dreaming until there life is faded away. But that's what makes them happy and if that's what they wanna do then by all means go for it.
I know a failed guitarist in my area where I currently live in London. He is 70 and he has no money, reads the same old book everyday that shows his greatest achievement when he had the chance to play with the beetles for one session. All he does is show hundreds of people the same old pages in this book each day while he has his pint. I feel sorry for the bloke, he's very talented at what he does but he never made it.
It's all just an image thing unless he's living a real guitarists life like making millions and pulling thousands of screaming women, travelling the world, and getting trashed. Then thats when you know it's for real. I don't know what your friends say exactly but even though this does not happen and he may not be the picture perfect rock star he so dreams about he shouldn't cut you down by telling you this story about your breasts. You should ask him why the he'll hasn't he made it yet??? What's he doing to not be famous or a real rock star. That would bring him back down to reality, he will realise he's just a norm.
But if that's what makes you happy, by all means, go for it, you only have 80 or so years on this earth. So you take love by the horns and live I babe. a lot of people go through life never ever experiencing it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): While most men and women need physical attraction, personality no doubtedly comes first. I hate the media for its protrayal of women. why? cause they give great women like you this sense of hopelessness. Yes, Ive seen amazing "fake" women but that doesnt even in the damn slightest compare to the real thing, a real natural woman. I seriously mean that. I wouldnt even date a hollywood celebrity if I could break my bench press plateau tomorrow. The real deal always comes with the best benefits in personality and in looks because it shows that person hasnt been influenced by what is around them.
Cindy hit it on the head...it seems youre in a fish bowl and next time some dude tells u u need to look a certain way, smack him. Men like that need to be hit...and hard. How dare they say such a disrespectful statement to any woman.
If you want a good guy, look to your fam and friends as they know you best and can hook u up and possibly match make. Ive known plenty of women whove done that and things have turned out well for the main part. Stay away from people who bring you down. Negativity attracts negativity and postive attracts positive. You and sunshine go hand in hand so stick with that combo :)
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 OP, you should really try expanding your horizons, physically and mentally. You really have a "fish bowl " vision of life- anything going on within 5 yards from your nose, then it must be Universal Law.
It ain't so.
You hang out with a bunch of morons, that, well in their 20s, still waste time commenting female pop icons on Internet ( my son stopped doing that at 14 or 15 ) and you think theirs are words of absolute wisdom.
You date a pathetic wanker that drools over big plastic tits and you think ALL men drool over big plastic tits.
Oh and the lead guitarist thing. That really made me smile. You assume that the lead guitarist would be the ultimate erotic dream of any girl.
It's not true .
I don't mean NOW - I am past the age for crushing on lead guitarists - but not even when I was 20 ,and hot , I was
attracted to the kind of guy you describe. And none of my numerous friends were either. Who wants a sweaty guy with a bad haircut and a sleeveless shirt reeking of pot and cheap booze. Eeek.
Ok, I am just clowning a bit now - my point is - tastes are individual and countless, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Then again, OP, I don't understand why you keep posting, what kind of help you expect from us. Every time you get about 20 people telling you, no, you are wrong, you have a skewed perception of yourself and of reality. It's not as you think : some men like small breasts, some men like all kind of breasts, and some men ,thank God, don't even think about breasts , they are just attracted to you in the whole as a person.
But, you don't believe it. In fact , you don't even listen, it's obvious from what you write that what we say goes into one ear and out of the other right away.
So...what can we do for you ? How can we help you ?
We cannot convince your ex bf to prefer small boobs. We cannot convince your friends to dislike Megan Fox. And since you are so adamant in thinking that men only want porn stars, well, if this is true, what Dear Cupid can do about it.
You can only change either your ideas or your body.
Since you are so impervious to changing your ideas..., what can I say, then change your body. Go get those expensive breast implants you talk about, and see how it works for you. See if your new boobs will magically bring you all the validation ,attention, and sense of worth you so sorely crave. And keep us posted, we are curious !
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A
female
reader, Tammy1205  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Hi,
I think you need to learn to love yourself. I know that sounds silly and cliche, but its the truth. Stop wanting what others have. The greatest gift you can give yourself is self-love.
There is nothing more beautiful than a "real woman". The chicks you see on the porn sites and magazine covers are not real. They have fake tans, fake hair, fake boobs etc. Dont be jealous of fake women. They have to change themselves in order to feel pretty. Beauty emanates from the inside. If you tell yourself you love yourself and are beautiful, it makes you all the more beautiful.
A real man will appreciate a real woman.
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A
female
reader, Maria-consuela  +, writes (3 November 2010):
 On a side note, sometimes imperfection is what makes us different, unique and very sexy.
Science tells us that symmetry and proportion is what is most aesthetically pleasing to us on a subconscious level. But some of the most notable and most beautiful people past and present have had a distinguishing characteuristic that wasn't neccesarily the norm or classically attractive.
Madonna has a space between her teeth, Cindy Crawford has her famous mole - these things made them stand out from the crowd, and became their trademark. Marilyn Monroe is still a sex symbol years after her death and she was a size 14. What one might think or what science tells us is a flaw is perhaps the most beautiful thing on a person - that one or a few physical attributes that are individual and striking.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): "The difference is, unless I get (really expensive) surgery, I will never have the perfect breasts men get turned on by" why are you comparing every guy to ex?
Why are you assuming that we all have the same tastes as him, when we told you we don't?
You just went through a big long speech how you don't go for the conventionally handsome guy, yet you refuse to believe that guys are like that too.
You're problem is insecurity and I think that stems from bad experiences with your ex, if you think a boobjob will get him back fine. If you think his views represent every man ever then you're in for a long hard life filled with insecurity OP because you're living a fantasy if you think we all want big boobs.
You're not listening to what we say at all, you're trying to prove us wrong, but you can't. You can't tell me I like big boobs because I don't. I don't mind them but I prefer small ones. You only hear what you want to hear and see what you want to see, you hear hoofbeats and think it's a zebra while we're all telling you it's horse, well you just go ahead and keep thinking zebra and see how that works out for you.
Now if you want to go ahead and cut your tits off and replace them with plastic, slice up your nose because you think that's what men want then no guy is going to touch you. No good guy anyway. We want girls that are happy with themselves not trying to change who they are to suit us or what they mistakenly believe we want. We don't want some insecure barbie lookalike, we want normal women with all shapes and sizes boob, all shapes and sizes body, colour hair, with or without stretchmarks, moles, dimples, cellulite, we don't care we want all that because women are like us they're normal and beautiful.
But I realize it doesn't matter what anyone else says, lots of people posted really good answers here telling you exactly what the real story is, what guys really want but you're just obsessed with having small boobs. Good luck with that OP if you ever become that fake plastic barbie you seem to want to be come back and let us know how that works out for you. Lets see how you like it when all you do is turn guys on and they don't want anything from you but sex. When you turn yourself into an object of desire with the sole intention of making men desire you for your tits. Let us know how many of those guys that show interest in actually wanting to get to know you.
Real men want real women, not fake women that are conforming to stupid notion that they need to have big tits to turn them on. My girlfriend has the exact same body type as you and couldn't be more beautiful, she gets looks and comments all the time, you wanna know why, because she loves her body, loves who she is and above is who she is for her. Not to turn some soppy teenage boys and sleazebags.
But hey if you just want to that object then I wish you luck.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (3 November 2010):
 As far as looks go- yeh, having a pretty girlfriend to show off to everyone is a tick in the "plus" column... but whats with your obsession about "perfect" looks. Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder and one mans trash really is another mans treasure. There are plenty of guys who like smaller breasts, (and that is not a lie).
If you think a guy is going to hang around with someone who has a perfect body if they aren't attracted to their personality, you're sorely mistaken.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've dated lead guitarists. I mean, if it's for the sake of being with a lead guitarist, then it's not difficult. Now, I understand a lot of women who claim to want a lead guitarist actually want the tan, muscular guy, bad boy type, who can rock the guitar, but who essentially, lives the rock star life.
I dated a lead guitarist. He was normal looking, he was in a local band when I met him. He was no heartbreaker. He was pretty normal and down to Earth. I was attracted to him 'cause yeah, he looked great in a nice guy type of way, I've never been into your typical rock star anyway. Out of gigs, you'd never guessed he was lead guitarist probably.
I liked him, because he was attractive and also because he was an intellectual and was into the same music as I am. He was a lead guitarist, it was a coincidence, not a requirement. It was convenient though, when his other band split, we formed our own band. He was my lead guitarist. I was his rhythm guitarist and singer.
He likes big breasts better. He didn't hesitate in telling me this. It was obvious from his celebrity crushes, so I asked. He also made some comments about my breasts when I lost weight. He also made a very crass joke once when I told him I had seen a documentary about breast cancer and that it had scared me, that at least if I ever got breast cancer, I could get 500cc implants.
I liked all of him, and never looked at other guys while with him. I'm just faithful like that (or obsessive? I don't know, I just didn't get the urge). To me he was the hottest man alive, despite his lack of muscles. I still think he has no real physical flaws, even though I'm getting over him really fast (he was a douche in other ways). My girlfriends think he's ugly, though.
The thing is... if i's just about dating a musician, in this case, a lead guitarist, well, any guy can play guitar, he doesn't have to be conventionally hot. Not that my ex isn't hot, I'm just not into conventional myself. But he's a pretty good lead guitarist.
The difference is, unless I get (really expensive) surgery, I will never have the perfect breasts men get turned on by.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Well, yes, if you want to phrase it as "every man wishes his wife/girlfriend was indescribably hot," then yes, you're right, and the specifics of what 3 or more standard deviations above average are all semantics. "Real man" or not, as if that means anything.
You're never going to be happy if you keep coming back to that point.
So, yes, guys get turned on instantly by the sight of a perfect breast, similar to how women swoon for lead guitarists. But most people understand the simple truth that *everyone* settles.
It's a good feeling, actually, knowing there's never perfection. I don't feel like I've cheated myself when something isn't exactly right. Besides, you don't need to make every guy in the world go ga-ga over you, you only need one. Surely you have confidence that you can manage that much?
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy  +, writes (2 November 2010):
A REAL MAN only wants a real woman
I have worked with many "Glamour" Models. In real life,they do not look anything like the photos!!
Personally I hate plastic looking/surgically enhanced people.
Dont listen to the media and the guys that you descibe..well they are not the ones for you.
If you are "groomed",confident in yrself and have a nice personality & not bitchy,you will find a guy suitable for you...I find that very attractive in a woman/
Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and one more thing. Of course men don't want to date an actual porn star. I know I wouldn't want to date a male porn star. Maybe it will sound judgmental, but the risks of getting an STD, etc., are not worth it.
But I think most men would like to have a girlfriend or wife LOOK like a porn star, not be a porn star. Having big boobs, no cellulite, small waist, tan, etc. Perfect looking. Actually, any type of woman who fits that criteria, not necessarily porn women. Glamour models, Victoria's Secret models, Playboy models, etc.
I mean if these women are able to turn men on so easily and if men are so sexually attracted to them, it must mean something. There's a reason you don't see plain Janes in Zoo.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (2 November 2010):
Brilliant post by cerberus!
As for breast implants- they really are losing their appeal for many... even many celebrities are following suit and getting them removed or made smaller. So where pamela anderson from baywatch led the whole "big and fake is better than small and real" movement, hopefully we'll see a shift in thinking in time.
What we like to look at and what we actually want are two different things. You're not the only one to make the mistake of not seeing that distinction... I'm sure that when some women saw all the attention & adoration Pamela was getting from guys that they assumed that having big plastic breasts was what we all wanted in a girlfriend. True for some sure, but again, just because we like looking- doesn't mean that's what we actually want.
For example, we may like to look at pornstars with implants- but how many of us would actually like to date a pornstar?? Bring her home to meet the parents?? Personally I like natural breasts and would never EVER date a girl with implants- to me it just screams vanity, insecurity and low self estemm... not to mention the actual "feel" of fake vs real breasts.
You're line of thinking is not true to the actual reality of the issue. You seriously think that if you didn't flash a bunch of guys at the bus stop that they wouldn't stare, trying to soak up every second of "boob time".
As it stands right now, your line of thinking is in an endless feedback loop. Lets say that when you first started comparing yourself to supermodels and plastic barbie dolls it hurt your confidence a bit. With lower confidence you got less attention from guys so it just reinforced to you more that the reason for this was because you didn't look like these girls in magazines with fake breasts etc. So that lowered your confidence more. Less confidence = less guys attracted to you, idea of inadequacy to models reinforced... And on and on it goes getting worse to the point you are at now where you feel defeated and utterly convinced that what you've constantly convinced yourself to believe over time is an actual truth.
Confidence is the number one thing that attracts both sexes and right now you need to banish this
self-fulfilling prophecy and re-wire your line of thinking.
That's just my opinion tho...
Best of luck aye :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): What we like to look at and what we want are two different things. You're mistaking the two and you're also not actually aware that there are plenty of guys looking at you and thinking that about you. They're not exactly going to shout it out though are they? It's okay to do that with celebrities because that's their job but how many posts or other things do you see about normal girls? Very few, if any.
"How can I feel confident when guys clearly want something I'm not?" That's bullshit, are you really telling me that the only girls who you know or have ever seen with a boyfriend were supermodels or were as sexy as celebs? That never in the history of the world have guys ever liked any other kind of woman but ones with "perfect" bodies or faces, as you call them?
Come on be logical. You've probably seen women you thought were ugly as hell but they had a boyfriend? So obviously their boyfriend doesn't find them ugly at all.
We guys love all shapes and sizes of girl, we love them all, some might have different preferences but most don't care as long as you're healthy and happy, you are beautiful, that's just the way life works.
Let me put it you this way, have you ever gone into macdonalds and gotten a big mac that looks exactly like the one in the picture? No? Me neither, but I still go and buy them all the time. That picture is designed to make the burger look better than real life for a purpose, to make us attracted to that burger and hungry. Well the same thing is true of celebs, they're made up to look better than in reality to make us sexually attracted to them and want to see the movie their in, or buy their album. We guys aren't stupid, we know they don't look like that, we know it's all airbrushed, lighting and camera angles but we're not immune to the beauty all those effects create a lot of time and effort is put into creating that effect and it works, but it's not really how we feel. It's just idol worship, we're in love with beauty of the image, because many people have spent a long researching what works and they know what buttons to press.
But you as a woman press those buttons in us too. There is no such thing as an ugly woman as long as she's happy and healthy. Some might fit into a certain category of "beauty" as defined by TV or magazines, but that's not based in reality at all. Or our species would die out, because most men/women don't fit into that category and they wouldn't get together.
FYI: Your physical description of yourself sounds almost exactly like my girlfriend. The body and features you described are my "type". You sound good to me and I'm a guy so I just disproved your theory in a couple of sentences.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 November 2010):
If it helps, you're not alone. In one way or another, most people feel that they have too much to live up to in the dating pool. Focus on improving your looks and confidence - even a slight improvement in your looks will get reactions, and improving confidence basically amounts to not relying on other people's opinions.
Besides, most guys would prefer not to be bombarded with these images, either. It's inconvenient to be turned on all the time, and I'm pretty convinced it's doing damage to our standards.
For your looks, first take an honest assessment of what you've got. You're off to a good start. Small breasts are fine, some guys even prefer them. Most guys honestly prefer to *look* at fake tits (though many won't admit it), but nearly all guys prefer to *feel* real ones, even small ones. So, to make strangers happy, get implants; to make your future boyfriend happy, keep them real. A good pushup bra might be a fair compromise.
Brown hair and eyes are great. Just grow your hair long - so few girls gro hair much past their shoulders that it will immediately help you stand out. Aim for just below the bottom of your shoulder blade.
As for the thighs - well, join a gym and get on that stair stepper. A little cellulite is normal and basically unavoidalbe (outside of airbrushing), so don't get too worried. Just tighten and tone up everything. The exercise will help boost your confidence, anyway.
Improving your confidence is easier to explain, harder to do. Honestly look at the things you've done, the things you have to offer, and the effor tyou're putting in now. Learn to take joy in them, alone. Who cares what people think? If you did something amazing, and no one saw it, it would still be amazing - same as if they fail to acknowledge it.
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female
reader, Maria-consuela +, writes (2 November 2010):
It is tough to be stuck in a world that in many respects praises and idolizes a female form or aesthetic that for 90% of the population is unnatainable. That being said, I think you are your biggest critic.
Confidence is the sexiest item in your arsenal, and it is readily available to you as soon as you want to use it.
Yes, there are some men who prefer a certain look or ideal type and this makes alot of women self-conscious or it causes them to go to extremes to achieve it.
But I can tell you that you wouldn't want to be with one of these men - who only are concerned with appearance and aren't likely to be open to a real relationship or emotionally mature enough to understand one.
My best friend is 5'10, probably 120 lbs, and has been thin all of her life. She snacks on chocolate bars and candy for breakfast and hardly visits a gym. Most people look at her and think she's perfect and tell her she is beautiful, but she had a tougher time than I did growing up. She has never been comfortable with her height or weight - she thinks she is too thin, gangly, awkward - which is funny because I have never thought she was anything but stunningly beautiful.
This goes to show you that as women we are never happy, too hard on ourselves, too concerned with what others think, and try to confine ourself to a very specific goal that is often outside of our reach.
Nobody is perfect. While the rest of us work, go to school, take care of families - supermodels spend full-time hours every week perfecting their form - working out, eating very carefully and getting spa treatments. It would be impossible for us to compare to someone who has this much time and this many resources to look good.
Boobs are not the issue, neither are having perfect hair, long legs, Kim Kardashian's butt, etc. You need to be okay with what you have, and be healthy and confident. Don't live your life to someone elses' standards. If you have little parts you don't love that you want to work on, fine. But do it because it makes you feel good, not because you want a compliment.
Play up your best features, focus on what you love and what you are proud of - mentally, physically. Confidence will come when you start loving yourself -top to bottom, and people recognize it. When you feel healthy, happy and productive you radiate a glow that will never be replicated by plastic boobs and hair extensions.
As much as I am the first to admit that I am no expert on the male psyche - I can tell you one thing that I know for sure. A hot girl in a bar with a perfect body may be the girl a man will gravitate towards to sleep with or show off to his friends.. but if she has nothing to offer other than aesthetics he will get bored fast. Having good conversational skills, a quick wit, a loving nature - these are the qualities that a man will look for in a relationship that is geared towards being long-term.
Try not to focus so much on what you think you need to be, and spend some time appreciating what you are already. Because if you are self-conscious and body-conscious and critical of yourself you will only give others permission to be the same way towards you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut it's like they usually like women with huge breasts and I have tiny breasts in comparison. that's one of the things I hate the most :(
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male
reader, Griffo +, writes (2 November 2010):
The most beautiful woman I have ever seen was very natural looking. And of all the magazines, advertisements, billboards, tv shows, even travelling the entire world, I still have not seen another so beautiful. I only wish she love me too. But that's a different story ...
My point is, most of those guys who see those women In magazines, tv shows and advertisements And drool over them will never be with a woman like that. Its a complete fantasy. Women go through the same thing dreaming about a perfect guy. Plus most those women they dream of look very normal when they get out of bed each day. They are just glamorised by makeup artists and photographers and the like.
Don't worry about it there is many more guys who will like you just the way you are.
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