A
female
age
30-35,
*livCal
writes:Last October I found out I was pregnant with my now ex boyfriends baby. I was unsure about the pregnancy given that I had only just turned 18, however he convinced me that everything would be okay and we were already living together so it would be perfect. Which is was and I gave birth to my little boy on 21st April this year.When my son was 10days old my ex packed his stuff up and moved back in with his parents. Gave no reason to why he walked out, nothing. Since then he has not bothered with his son, the only family members that have is his father and brother. He even started seeing one of his ex girlfriends a few weeks after. He 'claims' that the baby isn't his blah blah blah the most stupidest excuse ever as my son looks more like him than he does me. He refused to come with me to register the babys birth, so he's not on the birth certificate and wouldn't come to my sons christening 2 weeks ago.But since the beginning of August I have been sort of seeing one of my ex's friends (not a close friend) and he found out about it on Saturday night and came round to my house in the middle of the night saying; 'I am not having someone like that around my son' and 'Do you really think I am going to let someone else play Dad to my son'.I do not understand what is going on with him, I've not had so much of a phonecall or even a text off him asking how our son is or anything in the 6months he hasn't bothered being around and now I'm seeing someone he is acting like the caring Father. I want him to be a part of our sons life more than anything but it feels like he is only interested now because he knows that i'm in a new relationship and he wants to make things difficult. He hasn't asked since last weekend if he can come and see his son, so its unclear to know what his motive is.How can I get him to be involved in his sons life? This whole situation has got my head battered I just need some advice.
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female
reader, OlivCal +, writes (9 November 2010):
OlivCal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice I managed to have a talk/arguement with my ex on Saturday and we arranged that he would come round on Sunday afternoon and he could spend some time with his son and we could talk more about him seeing him on a more regualr basis. However he never turned up and instead txt me yesterday afternoon saying he will come round after he finishes work, which he never again.
I spoke to my ex's Dad and he told me that he will talk to him but if all else fails I should tell him that his son is better off without him and to stay away. That is something I really don't want to do but I know I have to do what is best for my son.
How many more chances do I give my ex to be part of my sons life? and When do I say enough is enough?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): I can't understand why the last reader suggested you break up with your new bf that is ridiculous! If you are happy with him, leave things the way they are. You don't need to be back with your ex for him to have a relationship with his child.
Yes it does sound like he is trying to be difficult because you have moved on and the thought of you being happy with someone else he does not like. But at the end of the day you have a child together and he is your main priority. So you need to sit down with your ex and tell him he can't just walk in and walk out on his sons life when it suits him because it will be your son who suffers. You need to make it clear that he needs to be there for your son 100% or not at all.
I hope everything works out and I hope your ex wakes up and realises that he needs to take care of his responsibilities.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Damn, I'm always trying to argue against women seperating guys from their children, and this guy goes and pulls this stunt.
First, stop seeing the new guy and get a paternity test. Prove it's his and erase all doubts from his mind (everyone should get that test for every child at birth). Hopefully, that will convince him to get back with you.
If that doesn't work, explain that if he's going to be a father, he has to be with you, and 100% committed to fatherhood. That means living with you and not dating anyone else.
If *that* doesn't work, get child support - normally I'm anti-child support, but he agreed to the pregnancy.
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