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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I hate my ex girlfriend. And I can't stop thinking about getting revenge on her. First I will give you some background on the situation. My girlfriend and I dated for 3 years. The last year we lived together. When we didn't live together I thought we got along great. But when I moved in, a lot changed. First she always accuse me of being interested in other woman. If I even mentioned a womans name, you can promise a few days later there would be comments that I'm dating them. I remember one time I sent a text to a coworker right before christmas, and all I said was happy birthday. Well on Christmas Eve my girlfriend went through my phone saw the text, then got drunk and started hitting me. She was accusing me of dating this coworker. Then 2 other times she would push me around and slap me. Once she even threatened to call the police saying I had hit her. When actually I had just pushed her off me, because she was hitting me!! I also had to lock my phone on her. I learned that if I had left my phone unlocked she would go through it on a regular basis. As well as my email. After one argument I didn't come back to her for 6 days. When I came back to her. Some other guy was living with her and all my stuff was still in her apartment. They refused to give me my stuff and when I got my family involved she would gave me about 90% of it. She says I owe her money. But I had made payments but she won't release my things. She said if I show up again to get my things the landlord or her will call the police, and have me charged with trespassing. I am so hurt and angry about this. She says she was tired of the abandonment and non appreciation for her. After 2 weeks of not talking to her. I emailed her and told her she is a cheating slut who needs counseling. (I do regret saying that) she in turn tried to have me charged with harassment. Its been 3 months and she's still living with her new boyfriend. She even made their picture her profile pic on facebook. I still don't have all my things. She still has my grandmothers books, my stamp collection my mom gave to me and a bunch of other things. I hate her, and feel real inadequate. Her new boyfriend earns quite a bit more than me. However my new job will pay about the same. :) but she doesn't know that. I'm trying to think of the best good revenge I can think of. I moved to a city far away and made it virtually impossible for her to contact me directly.
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christmas, co-worker, drunk, ex girlfriend, facebook, grandmother, money, moved in, my ex, revenge, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy ex broke up with her boyfriend. So it looks like they're not going to last after all. Thanks
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 Well if it helps you any I am in the same boat as you! So I really do feel for you! My ex decided to keep my belongings and money and claimed I don't deserve them back after treating him so "horribly" after our breakup. When I actually didn't do anything, and have the conversation taped as evidence. I could go to court with this too, or sue my ex for my belongings... But would it be worth it? I talked to a woman who deals with reclaiming money and she said I could easily get him charged for what he owes me... but it could end up costing me money (money he'd have to pay, but it'd be for me to pay up for it first, then go a whole cycle of dancing around). So it'd have to be for principles sake. And as for you: how much value do these books have, not in price, but affectionate value? And is the battle for fairness worth this?In the end I like to think of it this way: they are the jerks. They know it's not fair, heck it's even illegal, to steal someones belongings. And we could take them to court over it. And the only reason we don't is.. well, is it truly worth it? So they sit there and laugh at us, we think... But then again I think that we are the ones who won after all. Because if they are so petty they need to "revenge" their hurt by being so childish, they are the losers. And we are the winners for leaving them, they are the ones who are so petty they need to do what they do. Because they have no honor, no moral, and they are such losers they don't know what else they could do to harm us. It's their final straw. And thats actually pretty sad, don't you think? Thats really all they have? Good grief. There's definitely people worth more than them out there!So we are the winners. We are better than that. And we got away. We lost some belongings, but not our pride. They don't even have that, and are left with some books. Pretty sad indeed. It IS frustrating. I know. But now we have learned our lesson, right? Over the course of our lives some things are lost, but some things are won... Besides, karma is a bitch and will come and bite them in the ass. I know Im better than my ex, I'd not sink as deep. And you know you are WAY better than your ex, you wouldn't sink as deep, heck you even wished her happiness and was a gentleman after the breakup. We're better, we'll find way better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the lawyer says it might not even be worth it to take her to small claims court over the books. He says its going to cost more in court fees then the actual books are worth. And there is the danger by the time we get there she might have thrown them out.
It sickens me, if she was so over me and she was such a good person why doesn't she just give me back my belongings? Obviously she isn't.
It angers me that she treated me the way she did and she feels the way she does, yet it seems its all my fault. The only thing I did to hurt her was try to leave her. But I was trying to leave her as she would hit me push me around and generally try control everything about me. Its as if she wanted me to be as miserable as she was.
Its so hard to move on when she took vengeance on me, over something that meant a lot to me. That is keeping my grandmothers books.
What do you think will happen with her new relationship? The counselor says she most likely will continue the cycle of abuse.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (18 November 2010):
Good for you, we have said before you should just go to the police to claim you property back! Best of luck, and hope you can soon put this behind you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's an update I went sought some counseling and the counselor says everything I have gone through was abusive relationship and that I have strong legal grounds to get my belongings back. Were contacting legal aid tomorrow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDoom that is one of the best ideas ever! I've been posting pics on facebook with different woman. Everything I've heard so far is the best I've ever heard and is exactly what I should be doing.
Getting revenge illegally is not only dumb, its also very immature. I wanted to show that I was supporting her and caring for her. I told her when she left me that I was happy for her and that he seems like a great guy. I also said that a good man would let the woman he loved be loved by another man, if he couldn't do it himself.
They both just laughed at that. Her new boyfriend said that she was upgrading and its called constant improvement. But I'd didn't respond to that.
When I realized after a few weeks that she was keeping my things. That's when I displayed that moment of weakness.
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male
reader, doom  +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Spend lot of money and make lot of pictures with you around cute girls in bars etc and put them on facebook:) thats what i did with my ex-gf for cheating (and after 5 months she called and wante dme back,and then-i sad a great and big NO:) Gelousy is the worst pain for a women:)
good luck :)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): File a claim in small claims court. It is easy to do and you don't need a lawyer. If you win the judge can (and will) order her to return your property or compensate you. Even if she refuses you can keep the pressure on her for years with almost no effort on your part. Read up on it and then just do it.
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female
reader, Natalie:)  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 Seriously the best thing you can do here try be all smiles and ask for your stuff back before becoming annoyed and demanding! before continuing to make her think you don't care. That's what will annoy someone so paranoid the most.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the comments. They were along the lines of what was thinking. I didn't mean I wanted revenge like I wanted to do something illegal. I just want to show her I'm better than her. To me that is good healthy revenge. I heard someone once say "The best revenge is living well" And with being resentful I wasn't exactly sure how to do this.
I was hoping some day she will see that I'm rich, happy and successful. All without her. However I live in another city. Because of this, I don't think I will ever meet her again.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 November 2010):
 A stamp collection and books... sound very flammable to me.
Could explain why she refuses to give them back perhaps?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI haven't contacted her. I've just moved to a city far away. But I just feel like I got the shit end of the stick on this deal.
The police said they can't help me get my stuff back. The only recourse is to take her to court.
Just hard to forget. But I have to.
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female
reader, DenimandLace44  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 The best " revenge" is to find peace and happiness elsewhere. You can go to the sheriff's department and get a deputy to go to the bome with you to collect your things. Then move on and cut all contact. Do not respond to anything and be happy. :)
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 October 2010):
ps. about feeling inadequate about the new bf earning more than you.. well that doesn't mean a thing. Imagine he doesn't know what he's doing in bed, and her getting all frustrated because you were so much better. Should put a smile on your face.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (31 October 2010):
Best "revenge" ever know to humanity is happieness, success, and clean living.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 October 2010):
Saw your update after I posted. Here's my answer on how to be the bigger guy. Just walk away. And enjoy your life. Don't bother with her again, and don't send her any notes or show her any attention. Let her be and just walk away. There's no friendship coming out of this one. You're the bigger guy when you don't let it get to you. You're the bigger guy when you can walk away and still treat women with respect and not hold a grudge against anyone based on your bad experience with this particular woman.
I think you already are the bigger guy here. You got most of your things, then she decided to be petty and keep a few things to taunt you. That was her choice, and now she's the "bad" one out of the two of you. She was counting on you to do something back so she could decide to be gracious or whatever. If you walk away now she'll never get a chance to be the better person. She'll be the person who thought she could get revenge on you by keeping some old books.
She'll feel horrible about it soon enough. And her new boyfriend will be more careful with her as well, as he has now seen how she treats an ex. Don't expect their relationship to be a good one....
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female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 These feelings are gonna make you sick if you keep dwelling on them. I`m not sure if real demons, as in theology, are behind these feelings but these feelings of hatred and revenge have the power to destroy you. The best way to get revenge is to say, ``fuck her`` and just let her go.
However, you do have a right to get your stuff back. Is she simply refusing to give it back to you? You should get some legal advice, or go to the police, because that is YOUR stuff.
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (31 October 2010):
 I don't have much more to add but must agree completely with Irish. Seeking revenge on a girl who is already in another relationship will only make you look extremely crazy and pathetic. She has moved on. Even if you haven't completely, atleast act like you have! Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she is still on your mind. If you absolutely need the stuff then get the police to help. Other than that just move on and forget her. She is childish and petty, just feel bad for the poor guy who is stuck with her now and thank god you got out.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (31 October 2010):
Did you contact the police to get your things back?
Write down exactly what you think that belongs to you thats is still at her apartment. Also try and add a cost to it, or if they have affectional value write that.
Are the things on the list worth fighting for to get back, or is this just a matter of "winning" over her?
Remember that her childish actions reflect only on who she is. And not on you. Her withholding your belongings, which she knows are your belongings, doesn't mean you are a bad guy who deserves that crap. It only says a lot about her character.
So that being said, good riddance. Next, contact the police and ask for help to get your things back.
While what you said to her wasn't at all nice, she's been saying a lot of things too. The point however is not who was the bad guy during the relationship. Now you are not together, and should go separate ways. It is time to let go off all the resentment and hate. She's no longer a problem for you, or a factor in your life. Yes she has your things, but that is her way of staying a factor in your life. She doesn't want to let you go. It's a power thing. But she doesn't have power over you, no matter what. You know that. You have the option of walking away and forgetting about her and live a happier life. That'd be the worst thing you could do against her right now, I think. Ignoring her and not making her the center of your attention.
I also suggest you have bring some friends along and go over to her place, at a time when she is alone. Or call the landlord and tell him your belongings are still there, and tell the landlord about the items on your list so he knows you're not just there to rampage, get your stuff and leave. You together with a couple of big male friends of yours, and your ex gf will give up your things. Better yet, have the cops accompagny you to get your things.
But all in all, does your things really have that much value that you will go through all of this to get it? I am sure your ex will feel thrilled she was worth the hazzle, and thrilled she could cause that much frustration for you.
Or you could charge her for stealing, and get her a sentence.
However, only stick to what is right. Do something stupid and it will surely fire back at you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): What the point? If she's with another male, she really and truely doesn't care, does she. She's moved on and some females can do this--they can simply disconnect, quickly. I can guaruntee, 100%, if she's not dating you anymore, she won't care what type of revenge you try to enact. All you will succeed at doing is looking like a nutjob and nothing will be accomplished. Listen, you dated her for 3 years and you found out she's not the right gal for you.
About this revenge thing, you are totally responsible for your own feelings here. You feel powerless because you let your emotions get the better of you, and this one-down position is wearing on you. This woman caused hurt, she has a new guy..he makes more money. So what....leave it alone. Get some legal counsel and look into getting your stuff back. If nothng can be done, then move on or get some help..because these hateful, angry, negative feelings aren't worth the stress and unhealthy barrage of pain you are mentally and physically going through. Stress, anger...can cause health issues. She ain't worth it.
Muster up your pride, just heal, recover and get out there and live your life to the fullest. You will be pleased in the end, that you didn't do anything. Learn from this experience and move on. Good luck.
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male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (31 October 2010):
This is a battle you can't win... if she can conjure up and actually believe that you're cheating on her from a "happy birthday" msg then of course she's going to think you're responsible for anything that she could consider to be "revenge". From the sounds of things she'd hunt you down and make you pay 10 fold, through the courts or otherwise... My ex found out the identity of someone who threw a bottle at her whilst outside a club, found out his address and when I asked her about what she got her mates to do, she went blank faced and said- "change the topic"... I don't doubt for a second that whatever happened was not in proportion to him simply throwing a bottle at her (and missing btw).
Point being- Don't give crazy a chance to be crazy. Leave the stamps and keep some dignity. Don't feel inadequate- that guy will find out soon enough what she's like, maybe we'll see him put up a post similar to yours in a few months :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want revenge in a bad way like hurt or steal from her. What I should have said was "how can I forget about this situation and be the better guy"?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (31 October 2010):
 Revenge is not the answer. Don't give her anymore power than she already has over your spirit.
Now, if this were, say, divorce prodeedings, I would advise destroying her legally before she got the chance to do it to you. But it's just a (particularly bad) breakup. Any revenge which might possibly satisfy you would result in her calling the police and saying you hit her, raped her, or stole from her.
If she makes that call, you can forget about the whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing. They will beat your ass and you'll lose tons of money and time fighting a charge that, at the end of the day, everyone will believe regardless of the verdict. Remember, this is the same legal system that (in many states and provinces) has mandatory arrest laws for the male in any domestic violence situation, regardless of who the perpetrator is, and the statute of limitations is a non-issue in this instance.
Sever all contact, and consider the possessions you lost to be a small price to pay for getting away from her. In the future, do not date someone who has any of these sorts of tendencies - dump them immediately.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 October 2010):
Don;t bother with revenge unless you want to have a court order slapped on you and want to lose that new job of yours. Revenge simply is a waste of time. She'll get hers one day, don't you worry. But it's better to let go. You don't want the police coming around and arresting you, or to lose that job. And you don't want to look like a jealous loser in front of this girl and all the other people she knows. Disappear from her life, and move on with yours.
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