A
female
age
36-40,
*znlovergirl
writes:I have a few female friends who seem to constantly be attracted to people who hurt them (ex. cheat on them). They seem to like bad boys but they end up hurt. I hate seeing my friends hurt. Any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (2 November 2010):
 Women are attracted to two sets of traits in guys: one is the sexually attractive part, and the other is the romantically attractive part. The two are different, but not mutually exclusive.
The traits that women find sexually attractive - confidence, assertiveness, social awareness, physical strength - tend all too often to be paired with narcissism. For some girls, the sexual thrill is more important than being respected.
The traits women find romantically attractive - devotion, loyalty, protector/provider instincts - are, unfortunately, sometimes paired with diffidence and awkward, nerdy tendencies. Some girls, particularly younger ones, just don't see the benefit in picking these kinds of guys.
Anyway, the girls will continue to love the bad boys until they either find a nice guy who is still attractive, or until they learn to value nice-guy traits more. You can warn them about these traits, and advise them to be more selective, but I'm not certain it'll work.
The biggest warning I can give them is that the shy, ince guys are eventually going to learn to be confident. And, when that happens, many of them will not want to date the kinds of girls who turned them down when they were younger, or who have long, promiscuous histories with jerks. It pays to be patient and selective.
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