A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband is 49 and I am 53. We have been married for 13 years. He watches and masturbates to young women around 21-23 years of age, stripping and masturbating on line. I take good care of myself and have a good figure but now feel like I am not good enough. I know he has visually screwed these women (girls) and I feel so betrayed. Part of me wants to go get a face lift and a boob job so I can look super sexy too. This is beyond porn when a man seeks out young women to sexually entertain him. I love my husband but feel like he does not love or respect me and also feel he, if given the opportunity would bang one of these girls in a new york minute. I am so sad about this.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2010): Porn sites represent the dumbing down of male sexuality. It certainly isn't the pinnacle of reaching for the stars. It becomes the equivalent of taking a good *hit. Perhaps that he needs to do.... (snarky here)
Are you good enough? Every single person born in this world has within them a 'gift'... their uniqueness. Who they are. Individual like a snowflake. You are more than the sum of your fleshy parts. Perhaps now is the time for you to reevaluate your self worth. You versus you.... which has absolutely nothing to do with his idea of who he is.
You see, his porn use is a reflection of him and how he sees himself...
It has nothing to do with you. You are not the cause and you are not the solution.
So, when considering whether you are worth more or less in light of his dysfunction... see it first as dysfunction on his part... and dismiss yourself as a component of it. You are not involved in his behavior. He's flying solo on this one.
Is it possible to convince him that he should think more of himself? Perhaps. Perhaps not. It depends on what he wants for himself. However, his lowered idea of who he is as a man is not a reflection of you being of a lowered status... You are still you.
You have the entire world in front of you. Find yourself and your 'worth' through you. If he wants to sink to the lowest level of male expression... that is a choice he has made. 180 him. Give him an ultimatum. There are behaviors that are acceptable under a shared roof and those that are unacceptable. This is unacceptable. Make your stand. He can either pull himself up out of the gutter and become a man or he can remain in his sexual insanity. Again, this is his choice.
If he has become the equivalent of a 'mad dog' then perhaps this mad dog needs to find a new pack to run with. Do not allow him to drag you down with him. Demand he rise up to your level or show him the door.
There's nothing like a reality check.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (5 November 2010):
 Physically, his body really needs the release of seeing young, fertile, attractive women as he whacks of. Porn would be fine for that, so long as it did not interfere with your marital sex life.
However, interacting live with women on webcams is flat-out cheating in my book. It needs to stop, especially if you're keeping in shape. A boob job will not stop him, and a face lift will probably make it worse. You need to explain to him that it counts as cheating, and needs to stop *now*. Try to be reasonable, non-accusatory about it, and to get the behavior to change before you get visibly mad. Fixing the problem first, then talking about it, will likely have much better results than emoting now and arguing later.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): Why would anyone stay with a partner who does this? Its shameful. Have some respect for yourself and end it with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2010): If he's seeking out certain women online and interacting with them, he is, in fact, cheating on you. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If he stops, great. If he hides it from you and continues to do it, do you really want to be with someone like that?
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (5 November 2010):
 He's interacting with these women, it's not as though he's just viewing porn and for that reason, you need to have a serious discussion with him about this. Make it clear if he doesn't stop, you're gone. It may be a bit drastic, but without a serious consequence he may not care enough to stop. It's essentially emotional cheating, and it's completely disrespectful (not to mention really disgusting, in my honest opinion).
However, if that doesn't work out, you may want to reconsider staying married to him. You deserve to be with a man that makes you feel like you're the most beautiful woman in the world, not one that seeks out younger women and doesn't care how it may affect you, all for the sake of his own satisfaction.
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A
female
reader, ElegantAloha  +, writes (5 November 2010):
Don't feel low and compare yourself to those porn stars, many men masturbate to porn and like looking aswell. It doesn't affect the way he feels about you, he knows you as a person and loves you. Those people are just for show :)
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