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"Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die".
'If you're going through hell, keep going'
I do not sugarcoat my advice. I am straight to the point as I feel that is the best way to get through to someone who doesn't like to face the truth. |
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| Latest articles: Afraid to commit
No replies yet... 8 May 2018: Hello all, Im not quite sure why but I had a little urge to write something about a great fear of commitment that I used to experience, in case maybe it can help someone who is going through similar or has their own story to share. This is a...
Thank you DC!
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 October 2016: Hello to everyone of Dearcupid, I'd just like to say a massive thank you to everyone I've ever come into contact both receiving help from or giving help to over the time that I've used this website. I first started using DC back in 2011, w...
Why not everyone we find ourselves emotionally invested in is made for us
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 August 2016: I watched a film a few days ago you may of heard of, '500 days of summer'. I had it recommended to me by a friend who knew of the bizarre situation I was in with a girl I know. I thought a rom com isn't really my idea of fun but thought what the ...
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Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!
Q. I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...
A. 21 May 2017: Female anon has really blown this out of proportion.
Not a single person suggested to just go to the meal without her employer's permission, that would just simply be stupid.
If she genuinely has asked for time off work, or to swap shifts with... (read in full...)
Do I message "his secret woman" and ask how many times he has seen her?
Q. After finding a 3 year old secret twitter account of my long term partner I was gobsmacked the tweets 4/5 times a day hugs and kisses can't wait to see you tonight etc he'd been working with her every night for 8 years in 10 years I've never met one ...
A. 20 May 2017: I'm pretty sure you've posted about this before and you received good advice the last time which you seem to of completely ignored.
Asking the question again in the hopes of different answers that fit what you want to happen.
Tell us what ... (read in full...)
He's engaged and 13 years older than me. Could things work out?
Q. How many years apart is too many? The man I love is 13 years older than me, I believe it's one sided, but I'm just curious on what people believe. He's also engaged, could this possibly work out for me at all?...
A. 19 May 2017: No.
On what planet could it? This is NOT love, not even close. You have a crush on this guy and he is off limits as he is engaged in a relationship.
Also you're way too young for this man. There's just too many reasons why this won't work so do... (read in full...)
Closure on possibly unfaithful ex boyfriend
Q. I was in a four year relationship in which I pretty much did everything for my partner. I paid for everything, was disrespected, even had him move in with me for a couple months until he got back on his feet. I come from an extremely broken family ...
A. 19 May 2017: You need to stop obsessing over this. It is in the past, it is done. Whether it is true or not, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
Your ex was an ass and you're through with him, you need to be looking to the future and getting back on your feet, not worrying... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's emotion letter to ex for closure has left me feeling second best
Q. I'm in a confused relationship, my boyfriend of 3 years (were living together) send a closure to his ex-gf behind my back. She cheated on him with another guy 5 years before we got together. He already told me that he dated one girl after her before ...
A. 19 May 2017: Your BF very clearly still has some lingering emotions for his EX. YOU need to decide what you want to happen. Do you stay and encourage him to open up to you so you can see where he's up to? Or do you just up and leave because you know he's still ... (read in full...)
We've become really close and he likes me ... but he has a girlfriend!
Q. So, I've been friends with this guy for about 5 months now. Yet, somehow, I can't remember much of my life before our friendship. We've become really close. He has admitted to liking me but we never actually got together because he had a girlfriend. ...
A. 18 May 2017: To be honest, I'd be slightly concerned at the fact that someone in a relationship is going around telling other girls that he likes them.
His poor GF. He either breaks up with her and lets her find someone she deserves or he goes back to her and ... (read in full...)
My crush is suddenly avoiding me!
Q. I met my personal trainer end of March 2017 and immediately we clicked. We had so much fun together we would laugh all the time. He inspired me to push harder and even to go to the gym. Sometimes he would touch me in an unusual flirtatious way (but ...
A. 18 May 2017: Are you being serious?
He has a GF, what would make you think he's interested in pursuing you?
YOU'RE the one making it awkward by thinking this is some kind of romantic scenario. He is TAKEN, your post didn't indicate that he liked you even b... (read in full...)
Do many females masturbate ? I feel ashamed when I do so.
Q. Do lots of girls/ladies masterbate? I get so paranoid that I'm abnormal for doing it because my friends never talk about it and sometimes someone will make a comment that it's more of a boy thing and I'll feel ashamed. ...
A. 17 May 2017: Why just because you're a girl should this be something you shouldn't do?
Of course it's completely normal to sexually relieve yourself if you need it and don't let anybody tell you otherwise or make you feel bad for doing it. It's natural.... (read in full...)
Help me with this family situation, my father thinks I'm avoiding an event!
Q. I have a difficult situation with my over 65 yr old parents Need advice please My parents live in another state that is a 1hour plane flight away I visit once a year and they come to my state, once a year to visit and and we talk on phone sometim...
A. 17 May 2017: You haven't said once you can't get a day off. You said you can't take a sick day, USE A HOLIDAY.
It's 2 months away, you can definitely organise to go, you don't want to, just admit it.
It will upset your mother, why would it not? As people g... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is planning to propose! Should I tell my difficult parents now or after the engagement?
Q. My boyfriend is not a secret keeper at all. For a while now we have been talking about marriage. For us, it is just the next natural step to take in our relationship. I cannot imagine it going any other way, love him dearly, and see the same from ...
A. 17 May 2017: I wouldn't give any warning.
What can they do or say? It's your life and your decisions. You love this man and want to marry him so why do you care what they say?
I'm sure they will deal with the news.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend created fake marriage documents with his ex so that she could have residency in the US. Do I tell him I know? What do I do now?
Q. I live with my boyfriend of a year. We moved in together 2 months ago and everything has been wonderful from the start of our relationship. Today I finally unpacked our last box. I opened a notebook I didn't recognize and it was a journal he wrote ...
A. 17 May 2017: What are you expecting confronting him to achieve?
It's already happened, it can't be changed can it? He was clearly in love with his ex and wanted to live with her and went to whatever lengths he had do to make it happen.
If you have a good ... (read in full...)
I hate that I don't want sex
Q. Hi Everyone! I don't really know where to turn or who to ask for advice. I'm a 24 year old female- have been with my current partner for 6 and a half years. With our up's and downs admittedly. I love this man, I look forward to seeing him eve...
A. 17 May 2017: I agree with wiseowl.
Your BF is trying everything he can possibly think of to make thing's work. Have you ever thought how he feels in all this? Have you ever actually spoken to him about it and just been up front and honest?
I bet he feel... (read in full...)
I'm worried about my son moving in with a girl after only 4 months
Q. My son is 22 and even though he is an adult I still worry about him. Over the weekend we got to met his new girlfriend, she is a sweet girl and someone I'm actually glad he is dating (his past few girl friends weren't my favorite) BUT I worry that ...
A. 16 May 2017: It's his own life, you have valid concerns but he sounds happy and I don't think anything you could say would change his mind as it sounds pretty set.
All you can do is be there as a mother and support him.... (read in full...)
He is too close to his ex' and it bothers me
Q. I have recently started dating someone at work (discreetly) and it has been going really well. I was very wary of him at first because he has an ex' in the same workplace who he is still close to. He also led me to believe that he liked me before (a ...
A. 16 May 2017: I agree with denizen.
I don't think many people would be comfortable with their other half being close to their ex, someone they used to have a sexual relationship with and obviously share a good chemistry with.
To be fair, you sound like you'r... (read in full...)
Why does she keep cheating on me?
Q. The last three years have been very turbulent ones. We have broken up and got back together so many times. Usually couples just stop getting on and end up drifting apart. Not in our case, because its only ever been one thing that has ever caused ...
A. 15 May 2017: Do you seriously think she is going to change? Youve caught her numerous times.
I think she needs councilling or similar to get over this. You don't have to put up with this you know. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you have to stay and... (read in full...)
Worried that I'm not big enough
Q. My girlfriend told me that she is feeling my inside but only a little and she is probably sure that she cant cum from this. I can make her cum few time in 2-4 minutes with my fingers but she can't feel my penis right. I'm average guy. Lenght above...
A. 15 May 2017: If she is telling you that this is the best sex of her life, believe her.
You said you have a good relationship. Don't sabotage it by having these thoughts. ... (read in full...)
On/off holiday friendship
Q. I met this guy on holiday. We got along really well and I thought he was, well, perfect. Then he had to move away and stuff cause his holiday ended. We exchanged phone numbers and we were texting for a while. After a couple of weeks of texting he ...
A. 14 May 2017: Sounds like that's all he's going to try using you for. You're too young for a long distance relationship so it sounds very pointless to me, if I were in your shoes I wouldn't bother. This guy sounds like a waste of time anyway.... (read in full...)
I don't trust him as he's still active on the dating site, but I really don't want to end the relationship!
Q. We met online dating site. Agreed to close accounts once established relationship. He agrees exclusively, yet is still active on dating site! He denies any chatting or meetingsd x but refuses to close the account. . I was with him when he recieved a ...
A. 14 May 2017: Sounds like he's trying to guilt trip you, don't give in.
Nice of him to call you fucked up also. Sounds like a great guy.... (read in full...)
How do I know if my coach likes me and what do I do?
Q. I think my coach likes me but i dont know? So basically ive known the lad for half a year its got to the point where i think he likes me.I was training and he turned up.when it came to a couple of months later,i started to notice he was ...
A. 14 May 2017: How old is this coach? How old are you?
Following you home sounds VERY inappropriate and creepy if he's over the age of 18. To be fair it sounds creepy full stop regardless of age.
This is NOT something you should be trying to pursue. You are ... (read in full...)
I thought the online military guy from the UK liked me so how did he suddenly lose interest?
Q. Hey there Aunts and Uncles! I have a quick question for you guys, you may think it's stupid because it probably is. So a week ago, I created a profile on this dating app and met a guy pretty quickly. We exchanged face pics and added each ot...
A. 14 May 2017: Yes, you're correct, he's not that into you.
I'm not gonna lie, you're being very full on. I would hate what you're doing. Double texting is one of my absolute pet hates when it comes to girls, so much so that I've stopped speaking to some peo... (read in full...)
She's pushing but it seems too soon
Q. Hi, I feel like my girlfriend is trying to inadvertently pressure me into proposing to her on her 21st birthday. Her b'day is at end of June and she has hinted so many times at me proposing eg. showing me ring a she likes and talking about it. ...
A. 13 May 2017: Do you want to marry her eventually or not?
What are your future plans with her? You need to be clear with her and let her know. Fair enough if it's too soon for YOU, but SHE thinks it's time. You need to discuss where you're up to.
It's no... (read in full...)
Are there any ways of telling for certain whether he's into me or not?
Q. There's this boy that I really like from college, and I'm a bit confused because he exhibits ALL the signs of being into me in person but doesn't message me that often. I can't tell if it's because exams are coming up and he needs A*s for uni, ...
A. 13 May 2017: Okay, so you're currently friends but you want more.
Would you rather take the risk and ask him out or miss the chance and let him get together with someone else? If he says no, the friendship may be lost but you're no longer wondering what if.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend needs time to figure his life out!
Q. I've written on here before about concerns with my boyfriend not saying I love you after about 5 months. However, we split up/decided to take a break yesterday although I'm unsure exactly which it was. Our relationship has been very happy...
A. 13 May 2017: The only thing you can do is give him space. I'm sure he will be back in touch. I know it's going to be hard as all you want to do is speak to him to try and sort things out, but there is nothing you can do in this situation, you need to let him ... (read in full...)
I obsess over him too much. What can I do to rid myself of dating anxiety?
Q. I obsess over him too much. I have a terrible form of dating anxiety and even though I do look good, I never dated before because of fear. A few months ago I met a guy and dated him for a short period of time. He was my first everything. We par...
A. 13 May 2017: If you broke up with him, why would you want someone else like him? If he was as great as you say he is you would still be together.
If you break up with someone, in the grand scheme of things, they are simply not the right person for you.
... (read in full...)
I can't seem to bring myself to meet him! My teeth and anxiety may be part of what's holding me back!
Q. I matched with this guy on a dating site and we soon got talking. It was a really slow process to start with and I didn't feel much towards him (well as much as you can without meeting them). He never seemed to ask to meet and I figured he was just...
A. 11 May 2017: I don't think the issue is with yourself, I think it's because you have a gut feeling telling you this guy is a bit dodgy.
The first place he's asking you to meet is his house? You're initial thoughts were correct, he is definitely after sex.
... (read in full...)
Help ! What is the best way to approach him? what do I do?
Q. I am 20 years old (nearly 21) and I have been seeing someone since December 2016 who was 37 but is now 38. We met online on a dating app, things were great at the start, we both hinted we were looking for a relationship and on our first date we ...
A. 11 May 2017: Listen, stop wasting your time.
What are you expecting to happen? For him to suddenly decide that he's in love with you and wants you to be his BF?? Give your head a wobble, this is NEVER going to happen.
You're giving him sex on a plate, this... (read in full...)
Am I being a drama queen? How can I deal with this?
Q. I know that to other people this is going to sound ridiculous, but this is a huge dilemma for me because I can't help how I feel. Maybe I'm really upset about something else and this is the tip of the iceberg. I am very uncomfortable wh...
A. 11 May 2017: I'm with your mother, you're over reacting.
She's definitely not uploading pictures to make herself look better, she's uploading it because she wants to put it on social media. Some people are better looking than others, that's just life, I really... (read in full...)
Why does my teacher take photos of me? Yes I do have a crush on him.
Q. So I have a crush on this particular teacher for at least 4 years already. At first, i was completely not interested and found him extremely ugly. However, tables had been turned around in my second year of my Secondary school. Apparently he f...
A. 11 May 2017: That sounds very inappropriate.
Are you certain that he's taking photos of you? If you have proof you need to report this behaviour as it's extremely creepy.... (read in full...)
A long term friend dated my brother, treated him poorly, and now she wants to reconcile with me, without explaining. What should I do?
Q. Sorry this is so long! My best friend from grade school went overseas for college and upon returning started a relationship with my brother. I was living in a different state by now and she initially wanted him to keep the relationship a s...
A. 11 May 2017: I'm with Honeypie.
I'd kindly tell her to stick her invitation to meet, firmly up her ass. She is a very shady person by the sounds of things and I wouldn't want anything to do with her or her family if she thinks it's okay to tear someone'... (read in full...)
She behaves so sweetly in public. But she cheated on me. What can I do to forget a crafty girlfriend, who I trusted and love?
Q. My LDR girlfriend cheated on me. I found out and I told her about her cheating. She cried, she denied her cheating. I said to her that I would not sponsor her into U.S as the fiancee. She replied to me that she did not want to go to U.S. After...
A. 11 May 2017: In all honesty I think she was using you to gain citizenship
In that case of course she is going to show you her best side. She's going to be polite, loving and worship the ground you walk on.
Of course, you didn't know this so how does it make... (read in full...)
I'm fixated on having a boyfriend
Q. I am 15, i have had boyfriends but not proper relationships. I am desperate for a boyfriend. It is on my mind all the time. I don't know any lads my age who would want to date me. I fall in love too easily and always think about boys I don't know ...
A. 11 May 2017: Your mother is right
Your friends are right
A relationship at your age would simply not work. I don't care what anybody says, if you get a BF at your age the chances of being with them 10, 5 or even a year later are next to none.
You are was... (read in full...)
How can I sort out this mess?
Q. The worst thing happened to me today, I planned to go on a date with my girl, and she brought some of her friends too, and i was with my friend too, so during the date, she was constantly trying to put up a fight with me, like insulting my character ...
A. 10 May 2017: This doesn't sound like depression at all and to take that term lightly is pretty offensive to people who are actually suffering from it. What I think you're trying to say is that you're upset or annoyed about what happened, certainly not depressed ... (read in full...)
What is considered the standard in talking to a girl in this modern day? Daily or...?
Q. I'm kinda new to dating after being out of it for the last 6-7 years... and I've been communicating to this one girl for the last 4 years as a friend. I'm trying to build our friendship into a relationship at someday soon(ish), and as of lately ...
A. 10 May 2017: You're thinking way too deeply into this.
It sounds like you're asking for a how to guide for communication with females. Just speak for as long as it feels natural, if it starts to feel forced then you're trying too hard.
It should be pretty... (read in full...)
How should I approach this situation? I think he is messaging other women.
Q. Recently I have had suspicions that my partner is messaging other women and watching porn. What makes me think this? On a few occasions I have heard orgasms, which made me feel uncomfortable, as I don't like the thought of my partner getting ...
A. 10 May 2017: I don't really think there's a light way to go about this.
Just tell him you need to talk to him about some things that have been on your mind lately and beginning to stress you out. Get things into the open and let him share his side.
You've ... (read in full...)
She behaves so sweetly in public. But she cheated on me. What can I do to forget a crafty girlfriend, who I trusted and love?
Q. My LDR girlfriend cheated on me. I found out and I told her about her cheating. She cried, she denied her cheating. I said to her that I would not sponsor her into U.S as the fiancee. She replied to me that she did not want to go to U.S. After...
A. 10 May 2017: There was a very similar question to this a few days ago, was that you also?
She's a waste of time, sounds like she's using you to gain a way into the country.
Block, delete, move on.... (read in full...)
What is considered the standard in talking to a girl in this modern day? Daily or...?
Q. I'm kinda new to dating after being out of it for the last 6-7 years... and I've been communicating to this one girl for the last 4 years as a friend. I'm trying to build our friendship into a relationship at someday soon(ish), and as of lately ...
A. 10 May 2017: Instead of doing what reports and logs tell you to do, why don't YOU just ask this girl out already.
I'm gonna be honest, you've not made a move in 4 years, I'm gonna say you've firmly secured your place in the friendzone. ... (read in full...)
Why would my ex male friend partially ghost me instead of going to complete NO Contact? How do I end this madness?
Q. First he tried to ease me into a FWB, after agreeing to friendship. We spoke, text and video chatted practically everyday. We did have sex twice. He wanted to continue to have sex as an FWB. I informed him recently that I was not FWB material. I ...
A. 10 May 2017: Simple.
Block him. Youve told him youre not interested in FWB and he is doing anything he can do to get you into that position.
Why are you entertaining him?
Block, delete, move on.... (read in full...)
How do I ask him his true feelings, and ask about commitment, without it appearing as me pressuring him?
Q. I've been talking to this guy for about 4 months now. He doesn't live near by so we video chat, call each other and text more then we see eachother. I sense things getting serious by the way he starts talking about our future together. He consta...
A. 9 May 2017: This sounds really sketchy to me.
You've only met a few times and he's talking about marriage when you're not even in a relationship.
Proceed with extreme caution. Maybe he is a genuine guy, but talking about marriage with someone this soo... (read in full...)
Do you think he'll ever be open to friendship with me? Two weeks after dumping me he was back on dating sites.
Q. Hello, I am hoping for some advice and help to make sense of a situation I am in. Was together with a man for 9 months. He lived about 90 minutes away, and for various work and child matters we saw each other from Friday through till Sunday ever ...
A. 9 May 2017: He isn't being horrid. YOU asked for time apart to heal, HE is giving you that. You can't then decide to start messaging him again after saying you've both agreed to no contact.
Going back on a dating site may be his way of getting over things. ... (read in full...)
Trust and retroactive jealousy issues
Q. Okay, well this is hard for me to write, but I really could do with some help or advice, please. I have been in a relationship with a lovely woman for 3 months now, and we are both getting along great and really enjoy each others company. We are ...
A. 9 May 2017: I'm glad you were able to open up to her an she has been supportive, she sounds like a great woman.
Best of luck with getting over your issues... (read in full...)
Could I successfully end up with my first love after all the years we've been apart? Been divorced, now separated from my second husband.
Q. I need serious advice. Do you think you can end up with your 1st love after years apart? I have 3 children, seperated for over a year, married twice but all my children from my 2nd husband. When I was 15 I fell in love for the 1st time-was no...
A. 9 May 2017: It's possible you may hurt each other again and it's also very possible that you may both make each other unbelievably happy for the rest of your lives.
Who knows unless you try?
You've both had chance to mature over the years and I'm pretty s... (read in full...)
Should I bring up the subject again? Or maybe was he just joking?
Q. Me and this guy have been off and on for many years. Since Xmas last yr things have been getting better again for us.. him coming to see me from where he lives now more them once a week etc. Yesterday we both was discussing how long we had know...
A. 9 May 2017: You are on and off with each other. Why is that?
Something clearly isn't working between you guys for this to happen. That's not how normal relationships work. People don't break up and get back together when they can be bothered, therefor... (read in full...)
Trust and retroactive jealousy issues
Q. Okay, well this is hard for me to write, but I really could do with some help or advice, please. I have been in a relationship with a lovely woman for 3 months now, and we are both getting along great and really enjoy each others company. We are ...
A. 8 May 2017: Talk to her.
If she knows how you're feeling then she may be able to understand and help the issue. If you keep it bottled up and keep acting like an ass with her then you will ultimately sabotage your own relationship.
Communicate w... (read in full...)
I don't trust him as he's still active on the dating site, but I really don't want to end the relationship!
Q. We met online dating site. Agreed to close accounts once established relationship. He agrees exclusively, yet is still active on dating site! He denies any chatting or meetingsd x but refuses to close the account. . I was with him when he recieved a ...
A. 8 May 2017: Seriously?
Are you that desperate to be with someone that you would let someone openly tell a woman on a dating site that he would be open to meeting her and that he's not in a relationship?
Do you think you can have a relationship wit... (read in full...)
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