A
female
age
30-35,
*eef95
writes:what am I meant to do? how am I meant to feel? what do I do?I ask these questions and I'm not even sure If they are the right questions to ask!! I have no one in my life that I can talk to about any of this. I'm feel alone and need to feel like someones listened even if no one answers.My partner and I have been together nearly 2 years and its constantly up and down and I think its getting worse. I've started university and that was a problem because my degree fellow students are predominately males. He creates arguments if I go out for dinner with the girlfriends. He verbally abuses me for going to the gym, and never ever hears me out. ( and this is me massively sugar coating it) I just cry. All I do is cry. It's easy to say just leave him but I'm not sure I'm strong enough. I'm even a little bit scared of the consequences of leaving him.I just want someone to cry to. Someone to understand and to tell my deepest things to. Why do I have the worst luck with men!!!!!
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female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (8 February 2017):
Since you are at Uni now it's the ideal time to leave your partner as there are plenty of places you can get support from as a student.
All universities should have a student support service. You can access free counselling services and get advice on alternative accommodation if breaking up means finding somewhere new to live. My university also offers Mindfulness training sessions which teach calming techniques.
And there's so much you can get involved with at Uni, if you throw yourself into University life you won't have time to feel lonely for more than a few weeks. Just think - you can make loads of new friends and do loads of new things without your boyfriend breathing down your neck. You can be YOU!
And I get it - it's really scary to leave a relationship sometimes no matter how crappy it is. But it's never as bad as you think- it's just those first few weeks that are really crappy. (I've been there more than once)
So trust yourself, girl. Have faith. Go and see student support services and ditch the wanker. You can do it!
A
female
reader, reef95 +, writes (8 February 2017):
reef95 is verified as being by the original poster of the question male anonymous.. My dad was the only parent in my life.
thank you for your replies and thoughts its an eye awakener to know I'm not the only one who thinks this is wrong, thank you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 February 2017):
 You know it's never going to get better.
He's controlling you by shattering your confidence, this is what makes it so hard for you to leave him because you feel like you'll never be good enough for anyone else. Believe me, you will!
Do you think this is how anyone is supposed to be treated in a relationship? Don't you have any family that you can tell what is happening so they can help you try to get out of this mess?
Male anon is right. You're effectively enabling him to treat you like this by not leaving. I know a girl who gets cheated on regularly. It's common knowledge in my town because everyone knows what her BF is like. Yet she stays with him because he buys her things to keep her silent. It's not exactly the same as your situation but it's very similar.
You need to realise how destructive this is, you could end up very ill from this situation, who knows if this could start turning violent?
You need to protect yourself and get out whilst you still can. Therapy would be a very good idea here to try and rebuild your confidence and give you the strength to leave.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): "Why do I have the worst luck with men!!!!!"
Because you come across as needy, insecure and vulnerable, just the type of woman upon whom charming, manipulative potential abusers prey upon.
You want a man who will fill the voids in your life without considering what you can offer him or why his life would be better with you in it.
I suggest you stop by your university counseling office to see if you can start to understand and resolve the long-term, deep-seated issues that are driving you into unhealthy, dysfunctional relationships because otherwise you'll keep falling into the same trap.
Random question: Was your father in the picture when you were growing up?
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (8 February 2017):
 You're in the woods at the moment... Meaning you're too emotionally wrecked and out of touch with what YOU NEED, who you are and very emotionally dependent on him. Read your post back to yourself and take a birds-eye view-He is a CONTROL FREAK. There is NO reason why you shouldn't be able to see your friends... He is not your whole life- they're part of your life... He keeps on upsetting you, hearing you out- seeing you cry, RUINING your day... Your life atm.He doesn't love you- you have very little love for yourself and clearly is using your low self esteem against you, because he's truly NOT a.nice person. You have got the strength within you... Just IMAGINE 15 20 years being married. Is your husband guna have the poisonous qualities this guy has? Or is he guna be loving, supporting and respecting the bones off you? Cos that's the ne you want and deserve.People will only treat you how you LeT them treat you... I use that phrase a lot because it sums up lot of abusive situations... You are attracting bad people because you're not valuing yourself as the unique person you are. Every one has strengths and something to offer. You need to find put what you like doing, what your STRENGTHS are and weaknesses, your identity. When you're secure in yourself, you'll be able to see when you're being disrespected or people are not doing you good.Remember that people who truly love you will be there for you and put your needs first. Surround yourself with these people and take care- you might think now you're not strong but it is there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2017): Aww sweetie this isn't any way to life .. His insecurity is ruining the best thing in his life namely you .. but if you don't make a stand this won't work .. how do I know I've been in your shoes .. my relationship at the beginning was like this; my husband was good looking socialsble but quiet ( still is ) but extremely extremely jealous when he knew I wouldn't do anything.. I put on weight to make him happy so no one would look at me and he still wasn't .. I did this and I did that then I realised it wasn't me .. so I left and went home .. he came over we argued .. my mother had a strong word in his ear .. we were weeping your age at the time I was 20 .. he was 24 and he realised what he was gonna lose . He didn't make me change I have to say I did that to try and make him happy and nothing was .. he said he didn't want me to change .. I lost the extra weight .. he worked on his jealous and we made it work .. I stayed with my mother for a while So move home .. move out the sooner the better .. give him food for thought . Crying daily isn't good for anyone . Your physical health suffers as much as your emotional .. and let him come to you .. when he does lay your cards on the table if you still love him.. either he gets help and you start dating again and work through this as the next time there will be no going back .
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