A
male
age
36-40,
*kjay85
writes:Hey just like to ask if i've been a bit of a numpty. I'm not allowed a facebook nor messenger not sure why but to make her happy i said ill not make a facebook.She has both and lots of people added like people she works with and even people she serves at the pub.I asked her not to add people she serves customers. I know their intentions and all i see is one man asking her when she working again, so he can see her again. Am i been paranoid? Doesn't sound right to me. If the tables were turned she wouldn't like it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2017): I don't undertsand why you have got this far without asking her WHY it's one rule for her and the opposite for you?
Are you serious that you never asked her this at the time when she demanded this of you?
Surely it's not so hard to tell her that either she deletes her facebook acount or you're going to assert your right to make one for you. I'm more concerned with WHY you ever allowed this to happen without questioning it before? -And then just saying NO to her. It's not fair.
How's equality in the relationship a side for this issue? Is she controlling in other ways too?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 February 2017):
 Are you a child? She has no right to say what you can and cannot do. She does not allow you? Honestly is she your boss? Let me guess you have been unfaithful in the past? She does not trust you? Either that or she is severely controlling.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (5 February 2017):
If numpty means moron, idiot or spineless dope then yes you are a numpty. She doesn't want you to see what she is doing online which means she's playing you. You can either get a Facebook account and see it for yourself, I'm not sure why you would bother or you can save yourself time and effort and say sayonara to her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2017): She doesnt want you to see what is going on facebook so it is your duty as a non numptee to open a face book account or collude with a friend to take a look at her account via their facebook.
It is such a simple thing to locate and see what goes on.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Why does she get to decide? Is there a reason she doesn't want you on there? Double standards here and very controlling behaviour.
I'd be getting to the bottom of why if I were in your shoes.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 February 2017):
 ohhh, who says you can't have facebook?? Your mummy? The great almighty?
You already know the answer, its right there in your last sentence. Whats good for the goose is sauce for the gander.
If you want facebook then get it. If your girlfriend doesn't like it tell her to get a life (although your submission intimates she already does have a life, one she doesn't want you to see), and if your relationship is so weak that this is such a big issue maybe the whole relationship requires revisiting.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 February 2017):
 Why are you not allowed? Have you done something shady in the past? OR are you her child?
I'd say UNLESS you did something detrimental to the relationship in the past over FB or Messenger, she has ABSOLUTELY no right to dictate whether you can have one or not. I mean WTF?
I've been with my husband for 20 years and HE has an FB (I don't) but If I decided to make one and he didn't like it, that would be HIS problem!
So if you haven't done anything shady in the past then YES you are being a numpty for letting HER dictate your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2017): Well what I have to say is what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I understand in theory why your girlfriend might not want you to have social media...it is just such a sess pool and especially with women coming on to men all the time...she probably doesn't want to catch you obsessing over exes or drooling over her friends' pictures, or liking/ commenting on hot girls photos....the list goes on. HOWEVER, that is fairly hypocritical of her to demand that of you, but have a ton of facebook / messenger friends herself with whom she communicates regularly. That would make me wonder- is her real reason for wanting to keep you off facebook so that no one will know she is in a relationship? So she can carry on these flirtations with customers freely?No you are not being paranoid. I think that she needs to cut off the flirtatious men she chats with. You need to have a sit down discussion and agree- are you BOTH going to limit social media? Or are you both going to have it (but you still have to set boundaries on what is an appropriate use of said media)
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