A
female
age
26-29,
*aintedbrass
writes:Hello anyone out there willing to give me advice. I seem to have gotten myself into a significant amount of a problem. I'm torn between two guys. One my High school sweetheart Man1 whom I went out with for around 4 and a half years. We'd always argue but he always made sure to let me know that he'd always stand by my side. My second semester in college right after we Man1 and I broke up I met Man2. Man2 was hurt like me from a previous break up but we seemed to instantly click. Man2 is my dream guy. He listens to me and goes out of the way to give me most of what I want, the only thing is that I find myself always babysitting Man2 over the 7 months we've been together. He's very insecure and asks me to always send him pictures and proof that I’m not with anybody else he doesn't like. I met up with Man1 around four months into my relationship with Man2 and Man1 asked me there to leave with him and that he still loved me. I completely shut him out in hurt amd confusion. Three months have passed since then and I seem to find myself thinking of Man1 and comparing them. Wondering what to do... someone please give me some advice I feel so bad and confused.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 February 2017):
 Have to agree that neither off these guys are right for you.
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (8 February 2017):
 Neither.
You broke up with 1 for whatever so you're clearly not that compatible and number 2 is insecure and controlling.
I'd continue your search for the right guy if I were you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 February 2017):
 To be honest, NEITHER of them is probably "the one", although Man1 sounds like a much better prospect than Man2.
It is not uncommon to outgrow relationships, especially when we are very young. You were with Man1 from a very early age and you are very different people now to when you started your relationship. If you cannot grow together, you will not be happy long term. It is often tempting to go back to what is familiar, regardless of why we left it in the first place.
Man2 is a jealous insecure controller. Either stick up for yourself and refuse to play to his insecurities - and I predict, if you do, you will see a completely different side to his nature, one you will not like very much - or dump him outright. You do not need to justify yourself to him. Why are you letting him do this to you?
You are at college. You have your whole life ahead of you. Spread your wings, make new friends, meet new guys. You will meet one who you will KNOW is the one for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 February 2017):
 I agree with Garbo and I'd "pick" neither of these guys.
You had a 4 1/2 year relationship with #1 and you then broke up - there IS a reason you two broke up and the reason you were still hurt from this breakup. Which also leads to #2 who IS your rebound, a "companion in pain" who is SUPER insecure and controlling. Both are VERY destructive traits in a relationship.
#1 wants you back because you are familiar and because he hasn't found someone else. He also has very little respect for you and your relationship as he EXPECTS you to dump #2 for him. Someone who goes after a girl who HAS a partner shows a lack of respect.
So honestly? NEITHER of these guys is a good match for you.
What you REALLY should do is take a GOOD 5-6 months to be single and sort out yourself and your feelings so you don't end up making choices you haven't thought through.
There is a reason you are confused. YOU are not in a good headspace to date.
PUT yourself first for a while.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (8 February 2017):
 Man2 actually seems to be a presumptuous control freak who always demands to know where you are in order to disprove his presumptions. I don't see that "quality" in Man1.
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (8 February 2017):
 At least one of them is going to be hurt, you need to choose the one who your heart tells you to... Who you have that unexplainable passion for.. If you'd happily call them your best friend to spend your days with and there is that romantic LOVE for- that's the one.Just remember you have feelings for BOTH... So whoever you choose it's not fair or decent for you to keep in regular contact with the other... You're not going to get over your feelings for either like this, and is emotional cheating at minimum.Be strong, do the tight thing, domt two-time, good luck
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