| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Is loving two people ok?
Q. My Ex fiance admits shes in love with a co worker and me. But she wants me to try and work to see if we can get back together after she ended our engagement, canceled our wedding and moved out because of this guy. She said now that she loves me ...
A. 14 September 2010: Thanks for following up. I'm not surprised too much at her reactions. What bothers me is that she doesn't seem to be able to see how much it hurts you. By continuing to contact you she is keeping you from fully healing. I still believe that you ... (read in full...)
Is tossing the salad a reglular part of lovemaking?
Q. Mod Note...OP's own title: Hey everyone. Is it normal for a man to be turned off by the idea of having anal sex with a woman and by the idea of tossing a woman's salad (pleasing her anus orally). I'm in love with my girlfriend and I find h...
A. 4 August 2010: When you say, "is it normal . . .?" You are making a mistake. You can't decide what turns you on by what turns some majority of people world wide on. If the idea is repulsive to you, even if 90% of men in the world like it it will still be ... (read in full...)
Wife wants an open relationship so that I will stray and she can walk away
Q. My wife proposed that we have an open marriage because she refuses to meet my sexual needs and expectations. She wants me to find a "whore" who is willing to attach herself to my crotch and she can find someone who will meet her emotional needs. ...
A. 4 August 2010: Sounds like she is already gone. Is she able to define her "emotional needs?"
FA... (read in full...)
What to do. I'm in a two and a half year relationship and I'm falling out of love.
Q. I've been in a two and a half year relation ship. I care about her so much but i'm falling out of love. I just haven't been happy the past few month. the fights over the littlest things. comments always in a nasty tone. talking about what we co...
A. 2 August 2010: Hey,
You are not alone. Almost all relationships go through problems. It looks like you two have the bad habit of rude communication. That kind of talking is promoted strongly in TV and music, and movies. Because we are exposed to it so often... (read in full...)
Do I leave my family and my life to go be with my cousin?
Q. I've always felt attracted to my cousin she's 18 now and I'm 20 but ever science we were little we've always hung out together and I always had to fight the urge to reach out and kiss get. But that changed when she was 16 and we where at a party ...
A. 2 August 2010: To throw cold water on this, I'd like to say that neither one of you is mature enough to make that kind of decision.
Both of you are suffering from the effects of that "incident" 2 years ago. She is not emotionally healthy enough to start a ... (read in full...)
Can a player really change?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together a year and a half. Previous to me, he had 3 'semi-serious' relationships which each lasted no more than a year. Whilst he was each girl, he text/emailed and flirted with every girl that passed his eye. Whilst ...
A. 2 August 2010: Sure people change all the time. If he is about your age he should be transitioning from exploring options to settling down. Unfortunately for you he has been sexually irresponsible. Now there is child support to deal with for the next 17 years. ... (read in full...)
I am not convinced why he wants to break up with me
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me saying that we don't see things eye to eye. I have a 4 year old son, not with him. He feels bothered when my son acts up at the dinner table and wants to walk around. He believes children should be seen, not heard. My ...
A. 31 July 2010: Hi Jannie Peg,
Often in life a lot of heartbreak in life comes from unrealistic expectations. This is one of those cases. Your recently exed boyfriend is making a big mistake because he has an unrealistic expectation. If he expects to have a r... (read in full...)
Question for men: why is he acting like this?
Q. ok so i would like some advice , from men please. i have a few questions if you could kindly elaborate. what does a man really mean when he says these things:: After a string of dates with someone, the following occures, he is clearly interes...
A. 29 July 2010: I had to re read that after editing out all the girls responses.
Lets clean it up and reexamine.
He says he want to move forward in the relationship.
He hints that sex is available.
He decides to just be friends.
Now is it simple ... (read in full...)
I lost everything because I was to blame for the break up, now I cant seem to get over him...
Q. Hi, It would be great if I could get some great advice from this site. Several years back i met a really great guy, we were together all most 5 years. then he decied to get up and move to califorina he need to get away from us. well when we meet he ...
A. 29 July 2010: Loveme,
This is not going to be the nice kind of advice. You are not living your life in a way that is consistent with your goals. You will need to make some changes. You desire a long term loving relationship with a religious man. But, you... (read in full...)
Why do guys like to play these silly games?
Q. Soo here I go venting. I'd like to know, do guys like to play these games or something? It really isn't fun. I've been talking to this guy, and usually he'd be the first to contact me. And he use to complain about him always being the first to ...
A. 28 July 2010: So you are going to let your pride get in the way of your happiness.
What he is asking for is not unreasonable, or even uncommon. It is more typical of older couples. He wants you to share the burden of initiating. He is forcing you into a m... (read in full...)
Is it best I walk away from this relationship?
Q. I really need some good advice. I've recently split with my boyfriend of 14months because his friend told me he cheated on me when we were first together. My boyfriend admitted it but says he wants to move on. Furthermore, his friend told me more ...
A. 27 July 2010: OK
You are not satisfied.
You don't trust him.
He is abusive. (threatening suicide to get his way is passive aggressive in the worst way)
And you haven't even thought to question his "friend's" motives for telling you all this. Why ... (read in full...)
I'm clueless! What is right and what is wrong?
Q. Dear Cupid My name is Chu and currently living in the Netherlands. I've been dating this wonderful girl for an half year. During our relationship we've stumbled on a few problems. The fact that her mom which i respect, but continuously nag...
A. 27 July 2010: Pay no money. Walk away. Any relationship involves family as well. You are not just connected to her you are connected to the whole family. Obviously the family has rejected you. Unfortunately, she has decided to side with her family. I've ... (read in full...)
What do I do about the towel/tampons?
Q. Hey, this is entirely embarrassing for me so please don't laugh or leave a patronizing message. I'm 15 and have recently gotten with my boyfriend, we're fine and comfortable - everything that I expect from him. But even the best trust stops ...
A. 26 July 2010: You have two choices, Talk to his mom, after all you want to get to know her, and you know for sure that she understands your predicament. Or, Take a large bag, with some small bags inside. There is even a company that makes discrete pink baggies ... (read in full...)
Why did she stare at my penis area for so long??
Q. Hey guys and girls, has anybody ever seen a girl completely stare at the location of your penis buldge before?(for at least 10 seconds) What does this mean? Is the girl trying to see the size of my penis through my pants(is that possible?) Its ...
A. 26 July 2010: Thanks to the women answering this. This is an insight into your thinking that we need.
On the other hand I know why men look at breasts. There are magnets in our eyes that have opposite polarity to the magnets in your breasts. So our eyes are... (read in full...)
I had a dream about this married man, who I love, need help with understanding the dream??
Q. This question is going to be a short one. I had a dream last night and I dont really understand quite what it means. I was dreaming about this guy that I'm in love with, he is married,in my dream he got divorced. He left his wife after a year of ...
A. 26 July 2010: Beautiful,
Thanks for the followup. I am glad to hear that you have your head on straight regarding married men.
About dreams. There are several kinds of dreams. Some are meaningless, some are just wish fulfillment, like daydreams, some ... (read in full...)
I want another dog but he said "no" with a load of silly reasons!
Q. Hello I really don't know where to start but I'll try my husband is an only child and I'm not sure if this is where the problem is I can have anything I want materialistaly but any thing else is a no no we did try for a baby without sucsess and now ...
A. 26 July 2010: Your question involves birth order psychology. I wish I knew more. In a nut shell because he is an only child he is accustomed to being self sufficient. He is happy all by himself. You on the other hand need more connections. You want people ... (read in full...)
How do I respond to my dad's email saying I have wasted my life?
Q. hello dearcupid.org I was at my friends for 5 days in the southern country. When I came back here I noticed my dad had emailed me. We never have done so great but its always been bearable apart from some random rage conversations mostly about how...
A. 26 July 2010: I'm quite drawn to this question even though I'm not sure I can help.
My relationship with my father is quite similar to yours. I am more that twice your age. This past weekend we buried my fathers father. He said at one point that he had l... (read in full...)
He's bisexual, but I love him, how do I get over this love?
Q. I am absolutely in love with my best guy friend, but I really can't be. I've had strong feelings for him for about 3 years now and at the beginning of the year I told him how I felt. The problem comes in because I told him that I wanted to lose my ...
A. 26 July 2010: Aris,
You have strong connections to this person. You have had feelings for him for three years. Because of this you are making a mistake.
You have already decided that the relationship will go no further. His lifestyle choices are not ... (read in full...)
I need help with my marriage, too many changes. any suggestions?
Q. I am experiencing some extremely ridiculous conflict with my husband, and am deeply confused by this, perhaps because it is a very odd argument. So, I would appreciate some insight. Thanks in advance. My husband and I have always had a roller coa...
A. 26 July 2010: ok picking up some key words here
- Roller coaster
- cycle
- deeply flawed
I'm certainly not sure why you are asking if he is giving you the cold shoulder. He picked a fight with you, you dove in with both feet. You threw him out of... (read in full...)
I had a dream about this married man, who I love, need help with understanding the dream??
Q. This question is going to be a short one. I had a dream last night and I dont really understand quite what it means. I was dreaming about this guy that I'm in love with, he is married,in my dream he got divorced. He left his wife after a year of ...
A. 26 July 2010: Sounds like a straight erotic wish fulfillment dream. Prophetic dreams are extremely rare, if that was what you were hoping. Your description was quite brief, but I didn't spot any obvious symbols.
The real question on my mind is what are you ... (read in full...)
Do I need to let him go and wait for an year to see what happens?
Q. Dear Cupid My and my bf are in relationship for the past 6 months and before that we were close friends. I would be travelling abroad for my studies and will return back after an year. My bf is emotionally devastated of my leaving for an year. He ...
A. 18 July 2010: One way or another, if you leave for a year he will be gone. You are right to see that he is already separating himself from you.
I have frequently been amazed at how Indians are able to control their passions and push down their emotions... (read in full...)
Should I get married?
Q. I am a single mom who's daughter is now off to college. I have never received any child support etc. I have my own business and have worked for the past 20 years in my profession. I have been engaged to a very nice man for 2 1/2 years. We both ...
A. 18 July 2010: No you should not get married. Your lives are not compatible. While you have chemistry, it seems that is all you have. Basically what he wants in a wife, is not what you want in a future. Two people who can not agree on the shape of the future ... (read in full...)
Haven't had sex with my husband for over a year.
Q. my husband and I haven't had an intimate relationship for over a year. we have been married for 7 years and we have had sex on average twice a month. He always has excuses, he is tired, he had to work and study, he lost his dad and he was sad, he is ...
A. 18 July 2010: I disagree with Johanna, but not completely, because it is a possibility. I've seen enough to believe the low libido/stress answer. And I recently saw the movie Date Night, which deals with exactly this problem of being too busy to take time for ... (read in full...)
New, good-for-me guy, or old, not-so-good but can't get over him guy?
Q. My ex boyfriend and I dated almost two years. He was 24, me, 20. I shared a lot of "firsts" with him, and he went behind my back, and cheated on me physically, and emotionally. He says there was nothing wrong with our relationship, and that he ...
A. 17 July 2010: Of course you are attracted to the first guy. He has the power to do as he wants regardless of what you ask. That power is attractive to you. Or Rather to the biological woman. The biological woman wants the strongest man to protect her and her ... (read in full...)
Is it really love if he gets angry because I'm too ill to want sex?
Q. He tells me he loves me. I have been unwell for a week now. He wants sex and i said no to him cause im not feeling well. He get really mad and pissed off with me. Is that love?...
A. 17 July 2010: Did you offer him an alternative? Or a rain check? Sure guys can be walking gonads, but they have needs too.
My take on this is that he is not angry, but sexually frustrated. Sex is often inconvenient. It is often hard for us to see things f... (read in full...)
Where do you draw the line of being too picky?
Q. has that ever happened to you where you get asked out or hit on by several men in like one week and your not interested in a single one? What is wrong with me? Am i being too picky? I mean i know what i want and none of these guys fit the criteria, ...
A. 17 July 2010: You may be judging too quickly.
What it really looks like, is that you are shopping at the wrong store. If you are only seeing pizza then you aren't at the steakhouse. Or to throw in another metaphor, You are fishing with the wrong bait. Y... (read in full...)
I want to give myself and my virginity as a gift for my boyfriends birthday, good idea?
Q. Ok so im 19, never had a boyfriend before, recently met the most amazing guy, he's 30. its a large age difference but we get along amazingly! we haven't had sex yet, although we have touched each other intimately during kissing sessions. he is ...
A. 17 July 2010: After reading 11 replies, and thinking about all AntiAsexual posted twice, I think there is still something to add.
My first thought was no it's not the appropriate time for that. Upon reflection it is because a guy wouldn't do that. (with a ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and have a son with my boyfriend, but I'm attracted to someone else!
Q. I am so confused right now, I have been with my bf for 2 years we have a son together. We love each other very much and our sex life is great. But I am attracted to another man. Am I wrong for this? Its not a sexual attraction. Me and my bf are ...
A. 17 July 2010: Thank you Quiet Echo,
My penchant for mathematics has given me pause on this question. I will also wait for that confirmation.
FA... (read in full...)
How do I get my wife to stop using her teeth during oral sex?
Q. How do i get my wife to stop using her teeth during oral sex? There are times when it is amazing and she doesn't use them but then there are times she does. We always have told each other what feels good. Sometimes i feel bad when i tell her it ...
A. 17 July 2010: Experience takes time. Aren't you glad, at your age, that she doesn't have more experience? Youth and enthusiasm are very attractive. Remember, 20 years from now, that experience and skill were the things you valued at this age.
What I am sayin... (read in full...)
My husband told me he's been bored with me sexually since the first year of our marriage!
Q. My husband told me the day I got out of the hospital after 14 years of Marriage that our during our whole marriage he has been addicted to looking at women on the internet, clothed or naked. He had been doing this in a cubicial (beating off) at ...
A. 17 July 2010: For the first time in 14 years he is communicating. Off of the top of my head I'd encourage it.
Yes he has made mistakes. Yes he has not been open and honest with you. On the other hand he has kept it to himself and not sought other women. ... (read in full...)
I don't want to do anything to upset my sister or her family, should I walk away from this man?
Q. hi i've just met a guy who i seem to click with, which doesnt happen often to me! trouble is.. twenty years ago aged 25, he had a cleaning business with my sisters husband which went badly wrong. he walked away leaving my brother in law with 6k ...
A. 17 July 2010: I'm wondering why I should give this advice to someone my age. Theoretically you have every bit as much experience as I do. On top of that my relations with extended family are no shining example. But, despite all that here is my unqualified take ... (read in full...)
Is it out of line for me to ask to see the engagement rings he gave to his ex's?
Q. He's been engaged before and he still has the rings, is it ok for me to ask to see the rings or is that out of line?...
A. 14 July 2010: It's kind of like asking if this dress makes you look fat. Absolutely no good can come from you seeing the rings. All it gives you is false expectations, and an unfair comparison model. How much he loves you can only be measured by the way he ... (read in full...)
Is loving two people ok?
Q. My Ex fiance admits shes in love with a co worker and me. But she wants me to try and work to see if we can get back together after she ended our engagement, canceled our wedding and moved out because of this guy. She said now that she loves me ...
A. 14 July 2010: Minor correction:
I see that I used the words Polyandry and polyandrous (having two or more husbands) when I should have used polyamory and polyamorous (loving two or more people).
Sorry.
FA... (read in full...)
Is loving two people ok?
Q. My Ex fiance admits shes in love with a co worker and me. But she wants me to try and work to see if we can get back together after she ended our engagement, canceled our wedding and moved out because of this guy. She said now that she loves me ...
A. 13 July 2010: Is it OK?
Well that might not be the right question.
The fact of the matter is it is a lot more common than you think. As social animals we form all kinds of attachments all the time. Being in love with more than one partner at the same time... (read in full...)
What scents drive him wild?
Q. Are there really scents/ perfumes that snag a man's attention more than others?? this is something a friend and I are dying to know! I once heard in college that vanilla scents were proven to send blood straight to the privates...um is that true ...
A. 12 July 2010: Interesting that you should mention Roses and Gardenia. My mother wore roses, my Grandmother Gardenia. Of all the flowers They are the most acceptable as a perfume, being not over sweet. Of course to me they will not be erotic.
Still waiting ... (read in full...)
What scents drive him wild?
Q. Are there really scents/ perfumes that snag a man's attention more than others?? this is something a friend and I are dying to know! I once heard in college that vanilla scents were proven to send blood straight to the privates...um is that true ...
A. 12 July 2010: Good advice Amanda it is true that we like to associate a particular scent to a particular person.
About Vanilla, It has always been home and comfort to me. I know in aromatherapy it is mixed in calming and sleep mixes.
Working aroun... (read in full...)
Which sexual act do guys prefer?
Q. I will keep this short and simple. Guys which sexual act would you most prefer from a girl, a handjob, a blowjob, or intercourse, and would your preference change if you were in a relationship or just looking for casual encounters? Thanks you.......
A. 12 July 2010: Anonymous pollster,
I wonder what Kind of answers you will get. Unfortunately, I'm going to give you a non answer.
In my case it depends on what I have had lately, and my mood that day. Quite often the answer is D something else. What I am ... (read in full...)
Since his desk is right next to two of my supervisors, how should I ask this guy out?
Q. There's a cute, in my "league" work-study student who's been flirting with me since I came back to school this summer and found that he was a new addition to our department. So, I'd like to ask him out to the movies this weekend during work ...
A. 8 July 2010: Asdfg,
I really enjoyed your post. You are refreshingly honest. There are several things I'd like to answer.
First I can almost guarantee that he is not looking for a girl with balls. Sorry, I couldn't pass it up. Actually most gu... (read in full...)
I'm scared to have sex with him
Q. i am 14 and he is 16. i fell in love with him from the first time i talked to him .. he was going out with my best friend and she slept with another guy and they broke up. he almost killed himself so many times. having to go to the hospital for ...
A. 8 July 2010: You are not ready. Neither is he. From your description, he is emotionally insecure. He went through 4 girlfriends quite quickly. Having sex with him would be the best way to make sure you are number 5.
He is not sure he wants to live, an... (read in full...)
Questions about the honeymoon period, and what are other couples sleeping arrangements?
Q. I have a couple of quick and easy questions: How long has the 'honeymoon period' typically lasted in your relationships? How do you normally sleep with your partners? Most of my relationships I'd go home to sleep but my current partner lik...
A. 8 July 2010: I've been spending most every night with my current partner since 1987. When we were in the Honeymoon phase we would fall asleep cuddled or spooned often. I would say that went on for about 2 years. We both got a lot of comfort from it. We never ... (read in full...)
Nothing Below the Belt: Is He Gay?
Q. I have been seeing a guy off and on for almost six years. He has NEVER touched me below the waist. He seems to really like my breasts and loves me to touch him and kiss him all over, of course. I guess the main reason I continue to see him ...
A. 7 July 2010: Well covered topic so far. Here is my take on it. Is he attracted to men? If not he isn't homosexual. Could he be hiding something? Sure, we can't tell.
We do know one thing, he is not a functioning heterosexual. That really is the poin... (read in full...)
Tips on cooking? I'm trying to help out my family.
Q. hi, im 14 and my mom usuelly is very nice to me, she lets me stay in town overnight if i call her, she does things like braid my hair, and lets me sleep in very late if i don't have school, but when i ask her to make me dinner or lunch ect.. she ...
A. 7 July 2010: Hi Ann,
I love to cook, and I started at an age younger than you.
Your Question also brings up an interesting relationship question. I hope you don't mind If I answer both.
First the relationship question. We have many relationships i... (read in full...)
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