| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I'm a girl who'd rather watch tv than have sex. How do I get him to be passionate???
Q. my bf and I have been dating for 3 years. Lately I'd rather watch tv than have sex. He's the one who says he wants to do it, but he expects me to instigate it since he pays the rent. I want music in the background and he could care less. How do I ...
A. 4 January 2011: Hi Kit's,
I hope things are getting better in the relationship for you.
FA... (read in full...)
I found out the guy I was dating was a registered sex offender
Q. HI. I just started dating this guy, when I found out that He was a registered sex offender. I found out through his ex mother in law that I happened to work with. When he was 15 he sexually molested his sister over a time frame of about 3 months.. ...
A. 4 December 2010: "since when?"
The ability to commit this crime is the definition of mental illness.
FA... (read in full...)
I found out the guy I was dating was a registered sex offender
Q. HI. I just started dating this guy, when I found out that He was a registered sex offender. I found out through his ex mother in law that I happened to work with. When he was 15 he sexually molested his sister over a time frame of about 3 months.. ...
A. 3 December 2010: Just a few thought after revisiting this thread.
I'm having some trouble with the math here.
I don't believe in putting people down.
While I am willing to forgive a person for this particular crime, I'm not going to trust them into any situ... (read in full...)
I found out the guy I was dating was a registered sex offender
Q. HI. I just started dating this guy, when I found out that He was a registered sex offender. I found out through his ex mother in law that I happened to work with. When he was 15 he sexually molested his sister over a time frame of about 3 months.. ...
A. 2 December 2010: Yes he is doing the right things, taking classes, trying to be in an age appropriate relationship, but it is still dangerous. More so to you due to your history. I honestly believe that you made the right choice when you cut him out. The chances ... (read in full...)
For the guys: Have you ever made a move on a girl you did not like right away, but fell for after you got to know her?
Q. i need a guys opinion on this one... have you ever met a girl and straight off you the bat you were not attracted to her (she was overweight, not what you'd consider pretty, etc, etc). BUT, after getting to know her as a person things changed.....
A. 2 December 2010: I'd like to add that I have at times been attracted to girls that others would consider unattractive for the reasons you mentioned above. The most unusual story along these lines is this.
I saw a girl at a dance one night when I was about yo... (read in full...)
We were born on the same day and year, tell me we're not meant to be together!
Q. Ok here it is exactly 4 months after me and my girlfriend started going she calls me one morning and say i can't do this anymore....we had a great time together....we were born on the same day and same year. she made me feel like we were a dynasty. ...
A. 26 November 2010: actually there are only about 500,000 people born on the same day and year. Which only leaves a possible quarter million candidates.
FA... (read in full...)
My 25 year old wife hates sex... why????
Q. My wife and I have been married over a year and it gets worse everyday. I'm 24 and she is 25. For the first year she never liked sex. Now she won't let me touch her, kiss her, hug her, and she is mean. During sex, she rushes me, tells me to ...
A. 26 November 2010: There are a couple of other possibilities that come to mind. She may have a bad attitude towards sex due to religious training. She may have a history of sexual abuse that you are unaware of. Or she could be Lesbian. I definitely agree that more ... (read in full...)
What makes someone a 'Soul Mate'?
Q. How would you classify the terms "Soulmate"? What does it mean to you, do you think you can have more than one?...
A. 20 November 2010: I'm interested in seeing what others write. But, after 22 years I would say that when you are two halves of a whole, then you are close. When it doesn't matter that the sex wasn't fantastic. When you aren't really interested in cheating. When ... (read in full...)
Proper etiquette!
Q. Hi, need advice badly. Basically am in a 3 year relationship love my boyfriend very much but cant stand his family. They have no manners. Went to family meal recently his brother made really crude jokes and had a chat about it with his mam. My ...
A. 16 November 2010: The essence of good etiquette is to make everyone feel comfortable. When you are wondering what to do in an awkward situation let that be your guide.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm a girl who'd rather watch tv than have sex. How do I get him to be passionate???
Q. my bf and I have been dating for 3 years. Lately I'd rather watch tv than have sex. He's the one who says he wants to do it, but he expects me to instigate it since he pays the rent. I want music in the background and he could care less. How do I ...
A. 16 November 2010: Hello again Kits,
Thanks for following up. Now we have more information to work with.
The honey moon is over. To tell the truth you are both a bit bored with the sex at this point. His sex drive is down to hormones and habit, and yours... (read in full...)
Workmate gave me a bruise because I wouldn't do what he said
Q. hi so i have this guy friend at work and the other day we got into an argument cause he wanted to take his break with me but he wanted to take it at 5 and i wanted to take it at 430 so then he got mad and squeezed my arm and when i said to let go he ...
A. 14 November 2010: Recognize
You need to realize that this guy used physical force to get his way. That is called abuse. That is why everyone is reacting the way they are. He may realize that he made a mistake and never do it again, but you should not rely on ... (read in full...)
I'm a girl who'd rather watch tv than have sex. How do I get him to be passionate???
Q. my bf and I have been dating for 3 years. Lately I'd rather watch tv than have sex. He's the one who says he wants to do it, but he expects me to instigate it since he pays the rent. I want music in the background and he could care less. How do I ...
A. 14 November 2010: Kits,
His payment off the rent has nothing to do with sexual responsibilities. But, if you are comfortable with the assignment, there is no reason you can't do the initiating. I personally think it works out better if you share the duty.
... (read in full...)
Should I talk to my best friend about her brother's friend flirting with me?
Q. So, my bestfriends brother has been flirting with me. I mean... He's with a new girl all the time. And today I started texting him; cuz, hey, hes cute ;) but anyways, He asked who I was going out with. I said 'nobody' and told him I was fixin to go ...
A. 10 November 2010: At your age, yes talk to his sister first. This kind of thing can wreck a good friendship. Your best friend should know if you are flirting with her brother.
I do agree that he looks like a player. You are nervous because you are thinking... (read in full...)
We were born on the same day and year, tell me we're not meant to be together!
Q. Ok here it is exactly 4 months after me and my girlfriend started going she calls me one morning and say i can't do this anymore....we had a great time together....we were born on the same day and same year. she made me feel like we were a dynasty. ...
A. 10 November 2010: Your problem has nothing to do with you or your birthdays and everything to do with the other woman (her mom).
She is at the age to test her independence, and you are a proof thet her mother is still making her decisions. You are right to keep ... (read in full...)
Is there a reason a man would start to dress up , when he really had not before?
Q. This may seem like a silly question.so here it is : I have known this guy for three years we dated before , it ended because of schedule conflicts , basically we never had time to see each other our lives were very hetic, fast forward and we now ...
A. 9 November 2010: Could be any number of things. Dressing up is a sign that he is trying to impress someone, probably you. He may be trying to improve himself over all. He may have spent some time at a good menswear store. I'll tell you it can be a real eye ... (read in full...)
I really don't want to hurt this man but I don't think I can be with him my whole life
Q. I am so conflicted right now. Sorry if this gets long - I am 27 in a relationship with someone who is 48. We met because we have a mutual sexual fetish that while completely normal and not one of those weird ones, is a little uncommon. I h...
A. 9 November 2010: OK based on your follow up post I suppose there is a possibility of a match with the old Dear Friend. But, upon reflection, everything else I said still holds true. I still think you are confusing the excitement of a new relationship, or the ... (read in full...)
I really don't want to hurt this man but I don't think I can be with him my whole life
Q. I am so conflicted right now. Sorry if this gets long - I am 27 in a relationship with someone who is 48. We met because we have a mutual sexual fetish that while completely normal and not one of those weird ones, is a little uncommon. I h...
A. 7 November 2010: Leaving him will probably hurt him less than continuing to cheat on him.
It seems you always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. You are hoping from relationship to relationship looking for something that you aren't f... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she is a different person around me
Q. hi guys, i want a little reassurance or some pointers, i have no clue about this and dont know what to make of it i have been talking with my gf, shes having nervous breakdowns because work is so hard and shes having anxiety attacks etc, she ...
A. 3 November 2010: I don't like it at all. She should feel more warm and confident when she is with you. Not more reserved. Something is obviously amiss.
FA... (read in full...)
How do guys feel about pointy noses?
Q. Do guys love it when girls have pointed nose? or they simply hate it. am a girl. my nose is very pointed just like the indian hero ''saif ali khan'' i really don't like the way it is. Especially when i looked myself on the side, i feel disgusting. i ...
A. 3 November 2010: Quite honestly there is only one person who is worried about your nose and it is you. It is not your nose that is hurting you in meeting guys, but rather your attitude about your nose. You feel bad about your appearance so you walk and dress ... (read in full...)
I never thought it would feel so horrible to go along with sex when you don't really feel like it!
Q. Female age 20 here, dating a male age 21. Been dating for over a year now, living together for 8 months. Lost our virginity to each other, relatively healthy and active sex life. Had a bit of a mistake today and I'm having trouble dealing with it ...
A. 3 November 2010: Dear Hidden Heart,
What you have here is a conflict between two ideals that you hold true. First you believe that your body is yours and only you choose when sex will happen. That is true. You also believe that in a committed relation... (read in full...)
Wanted: Unattached Male
Q. I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
A. 2 November 2010: ChiGirl,
The inability to prioritize correctly is certainly a relationship problem. I even catch myself making priority mistakes. It's not easy to place a new person at the top of your priorities. Your old priorities will be jealous of the new ... (read in full...)
Am I right for getting upset about him smoking pot? Or am I just being controlling and he can do what he wants because he is his own person?
Q. my boyfriend and i are incredibly close... he is one of the most important people in my life, and he means everything to me, but last night i went to a halloween party with him. it was us, and some people that we work with. when we first got to the ...
A. 1 November 2010: Ain't it great being in a relationship with an addict? You just found out the hard way, the truth about all addicts. Nothing, not you, not your relationship, not the future, not the respect of your parents, is more important than the next fix. ... (read in full...)
I can't even get a one night stand!
Q. Why is it so hard to get into a relationship? I can't even get a date only a one night stand. The men that want me are too feminine, if i wanted a sensitive partner id turn to women. All the stuck up preps get the guy while the socially awkward girl ...
A. 31 October 2010: Are those spelling errors, or Freudian slips, ore deliberate taunting?
Often this kind of frustration comes from having ill defined goals. In other words it is hard for you to find what you want when you don't know what you want. Did you want... (read in full...)
Bedtime capers!
Q. I have an issue. My girlfriend get very upset with me when we try to sleep in the same bed. I toss and turn when I sleep. She says that I knee and elbow her. She yells at me for this even though I tell her that I am not doing it intentionality and ...
A. 26 October 2010: BTW Shoes, investing in quality furniture is not foolish. Why are guys so worried about looking like a fool? Of course I did give you a low cost trial idea.
FA... (read in full...)
Wanted: Unattached Male
Q. I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
A. 25 October 2010: Thank you everyone for chiming in on this topic. I think what offended me most about the initial article was that the author assumed that her perspective was the only one and that therefore a divorced person had no right to get involved in a ... (read in full...)
Bedtime capers!
Q. I have an issue. My girlfriend get very upset with me when we try to sleep in the same bed. I toss and turn when I sleep. She says that I knee and elbow her. She yells at me for this even though I tell her that I am not doing it intentionality and ...
A. 22 October 2010: What Jmtmj (palindrome) said. This could have a lot to do with her being tired all the time and not feeling good in bed. The bed is the scene of all her arguments with you. All she has to do is walk into the room and it all comes back to her ... (read in full...)
Did my ex get my virginity?
Q. my boyfriend and I were discussing our pasts with each other and we can't seem to agree on whether or not I am still a true virgin. Right before my ex and me broke up we did try and have sex, however he is quite large and after getting just a little ...
A. 11 October 2010: The legal issues are mind boggling. Flynn's comment sent me looking. I see that there actually is a legal definition. I also see that my definition of a "sexual relation" is not widely accepted. My definition of virginity is very flexible. I ... (read in full...)
Why is the teacher avoiding me?
Q. So I think this teacher at school is really good looking. I see him at lunch and in the hallway twice. He isn't my teacher because he teaches freshmen and I'm a junior. Me and him always look at each other in the eyes everytime we see each other. I ...
A. 10 October 2010: It means there is a train wreck coming, but there is nothing we can do to stop it. You are determined to go forward with this. We will just have to watch the disaster on the TV news.
FA... (read in full...)
Did my ex get my virginity?
Q. my boyfriend and I were discussing our pasts with each other and we can't seem to agree on whether or not I am still a true virgin. Right before my ex and me broke up we did try and have sex, however he is quite large and after getting just a little ...
A. 9 October 2010: It's your virginity you define it. I don't have a problem with your definition. Sometimes we get all hung up on the definition. While you did have a sexual relation (Two people touching each other for sexual pleasure). You didn't have sexual ... (read in full...)
Why is the teacher avoiding me?
Q. So I think this teacher at school is really good looking. I see him at lunch and in the hallway twice. He isn't my teacher because he teaches freshmen and I'm a junior. Me and him always look at each other in the eyes everytime we see each other. I ...
A. 9 October 2010: She's Gone-Zo
Film at ten
FA... (read in full...)
I want to coordinated colours with my homecoming date!
Q. alright so im going to homecoming dance with this girl that im in love with and well, yeaaa i guess is not only her but me as well cuz im kinda juss whatever bout homecoming..but dont couples usually go matching? like i kinda wanna ask her bout her ...
A. 9 October 2010: Around here the florist will verify her colors before making the corsage. Going with the wrist style is safe for nay dress style. If all else fails call her mother.
FA... (read in full...)
I want to be smart!
Q. This is such a boring question.. but... It seems that whenever I study really hard for a test, I never get the scores I want. Am I just a really bad test taker? Or am I not studying hard enough? How would I be a better test taker and have better ...
A. 7 October 2010: These are all great answers. I would like to add a suggestion for high school students who are younger than you. Join your high schools Academic Decathlon team. Among other life skills and esoteric knowledge, they will teach you how to take ... (read in full...)
Why is the teacher avoiding me?
Q. So I think this teacher at school is really good looking. I see him at lunch and in the hallway twice. He isn't my teacher because he teaches freshmen and I'm a junior. Me and him always look at each other in the eyes everytime we see each other. I ...
A. 7 October 2010: The reason he is avoiding you is because he needs this job. There is a recession on and jobs are hard to find. His degree in secondary education would be worthless to him should he get involved with a student in any way. Do the poor man a favor ... (read in full...)
Should I get baptized while being 8 months pregnant?
Q. I am 8 months pregnant and also joining fellowship at dis church. Since I have been going and taking my classes I was asked did I want to be baptized. I always wanted to be baptized and be in a church and now that I'm pregnant I want the same for my ...
A. 7 October 2010: The only reason I can think of not to go ahead with the baptism, is the possibility of a slip and fall accident. If the people performing the baptism are experienced they can handle it safely. Having a second person handy to help, just in case ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my family realize I'm growing up and not a child?
Q. My parents are asking too much of me, they took away my internet upstairs after many long years of having my own laptop in my own room, they take away my ATM card (I earn enough money to buy stuff they normally wouldn't.) They take away everything I ...
A. 5 October 2010: Actually my question is the same as yours, what did you do lose their trust? With straight A's and no boyfriend you sound pretty safe to me. So I think the loss of trust has to do with outside factors. Your parents have probably been hearing a ... (read in full...)
Bad financial situation and she wants me to leave because I won't give her a "fairy tale" wedding!
Q. Hi, I am 21 years old my fiance is 22 years old. We have been together for 4 years engaged 2 years. Recently we moved from salt lake to phoenix. kind of a spur of the moment thing no job yada yada yada. But It has put alot of stress on our re...
A. 5 October 2010: What a lot of people here aren't going to understand is how common it is, in the west where you live, to be engaged at 19 and married at 21. It's like a whole different culture. Now I'm never one to advocate spending more on as wedding than the ... (read in full...)
If your fiance cheated before proposing, would you want to know?
Q. Would you want to know if your fiance cheated on you before he proposed...would you want to know before marrying, or would you rather remain "ignorant" if he is no longer cheating? Would you rather have honesty and a "true" relationship, or a rel...
A. 4 October 2010: I wrote extensively on this last week. Feel free to look it up.
You obviously feel that the relationship is not "true" without a full disclosure. Why would you settle for an "untrue" relationship?
One warning though. When you demand this ... (read in full...)
Something just doesn't feel right about our sex life! Is he gay?
Q. My husband is a great guy. He is very Affectionate but.. I wonder sometimes If he could be gay, he is overly concerned With his looks and cleanliness, hates To get dirty. When we have sex, he only Wants to orgasm when he enters me from Behind...
A. 30 September 2010: Liking things clean really has nothing to do with sexual preference. I can see that his obsession with cleanliness is bothering you. Most people get annoyed with other peoples obsessions. His is interfering so much in your lives as to make ... (read in full...)
What do women really, actually want?
Q. Why do women so often say they want things that aren't the man himself, e.g. clothes, tatoos, car, house, money, job, hairstyle? If you ask a man what he really wants, he wants a good looking, healthy woman who doesn't actually need makeup, or ...
A. 30 September 2010: Julie fo fulie asks, "can't we say the same for what men want?"
I really should have added that men in general don't have a clue what they want either. Having said that I can't say my opinion of what men want is valid.
I also appreciated Juli... (read in full...)
I keep having dreams about my ex, what should I do?
Q. I have been married for 6 months but keep dreaming of an ex boyfriend. I usually wouldn't be concerned about the odd dream but these are much more frequent sometimes a couple of times a week. Sometimes they are explicit, sometimes I tell him I am ...
A. 30 September 2010: Pia,
Relax, A dream about your ex is usually about your current relationship. Often your subconscious compares your current relationship to past relationships. If it sees a pattern that matches it could send you a dream as a warning. When you ... (read in full...)
I think my very conservative mother found my vibrator!
Q. Hi everyone! I used to live with my extremely conservative mother, but last year I decided to move to my mother's empty loft. She agreed because the alternative was to live farther to where she lives and we like spending time together every other da...
A. 30 September 2010: Hmmm, first relax and stop panicking. Your mom is downstairs trying to figure out how to talk to you about it, or whether she should talk to you about it. That is if she saw it. Or if the maid saw it, and thought it was important to talk to mom ... (read in full...)
What do women really, actually want?
Q. Why do women so often say they want things that aren't the man himself, e.g. clothes, tatoos, car, house, money, job, hairstyle? If you ask a man what he really wants, he wants a good looking, healthy woman who doesn't actually need makeup, or ...
A. 30 September 2010: As near as I can tell Women don't have a clue about what they want. I read a list of turn offs the other day. It looked to me like a how to be a Bad boy check list. And I know that Bad boys get girls. A character in a movie put it best when he ... (read in full...)
Why do family members and relatives interrogate me just because I don't want kids?
Q. Hi everyone. I've noticed that when someone does not want to have kids, everyone interrogates them. They demand answers. But when someone does want to have kids, no-one interrogates them! How does that work? It sounds like discrimination to me...
A. 28 September 2010: If you go back in history a ways, 60's I think, having children was quite unpopular. Having more than 2 was irresponsible. Whenever you go against the cultural norm you will run into resistance. Bruce, in your case it is silly to expect your ... (read in full...)
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