A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 19. We've been dating for five months. We are inseperable, we are best friends and very much in love. But in the past, all I've dated is low-lifes, guys that deal drugs, guys that don't go to school. My boyfriend has made a BIG effort to change his old ways and our relationship couldn't be more perfect, except that..Starting my first year of highschool, I slipped, and I skipped alot, and my social life was more important, boys were more important. I let it all get in the way, but this year I've been trying really hard to get my credits and I am determined to graduate, no matter how long it takes me.But, my boyfriend got kicked out the beginning of the year, and refuses to come back. He claims he's 'to old' but my principal told me he can't make any promises, but for him to at least try to re-apply, but my boyfriend STILL won't have it.We're in a fight about it now, cause he says I keep pushing him, and he'll only go back to school if I 'force him too' otherwise, he really doesn't want to go back. Yet, he talks about marriage, and babies, but how does he ever expect to provide a life for myself and a baby, on min. wage, even working full time?Yes, there are jobs in construction, and my brother makes more then my Mom does, and never even finished his Grade ten, but that's not the point. Not everyone are cut out for hard-working jobs, and most of them require to be away from home.I have faith in him, and I want him to get his education, or I at least want him to make the same effort I did, in trying to coax him to come back. But I'm afraid this is eventually going to be a wedge in our relationship and I don't know what to do. (Sorry for the length) All opinions are taken in consideration. Thank you.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 You can get an education and he can be a stay at home dad. Its the modern times, you aren't dependant on him to be the breadwinner anymore. But, face the facts. You want a boyfriend with education. Which is quite understandable. You must just respect that your current boyfriend wont be able to give you what you need and move on.
He's not what you're looking for. You are a young teen and don't even need to be thinking about babies and marriage. Yes your boyfriend will probably be able to get by without education, but you want a boyfriend/future husband with education. I wont blame you. Many women want that. But right now it sounds like your boyfriend wants it his way: no education, marriage and babies. Sounds like he wants to tie you down early.
You only dated 5 months. Give the marriage and baby talk a break and enjoy your youth. Don't think so much about the future with him, your boyfriend might come around and get an education, but no one is asking you to marry him!
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Hmmm. tricky.
First there is the hypocrisy factor. Then the age gap. Then the power struggle.
OK I honestly believe that all a High School Diploma says to the world is, "this guy kept his nose clean and stuck it out through all the B S for 13 years." But whether or not he finishes High School is not the big trouble in your relationship. As long as he has a full time job and is saving some money over and above paying his own rent and food that is.
The problem in your relationship is that you live in different worlds. You live in the High School world. It has different values, different standards, different schedules, than the work world. Everything you think you know about the world is different for him.
The other problem with your relationship is that after dating for a whole 5 months you think you have the right to tell him how to run his life. He is a Man. You are a girl. As a man he is going to resist your demands whether or not you are right. If he was older he might see around it. But at 19 the idea of following your lead is just not even possible. Even if you coax nicely. If you were older or smarter you might be able to fool him into thinking it was his idea. That is the only way to get him to do what you want.
The other option of course is for you to accept him for what he is. I know you are reformed and have the zeal of a new convert. I would really advise you to stick to your new standards even if you lose him over it. From my point of view 5 months is not much of an investment to throw away.
FA
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2010):
 Personally, I think you will outgrow him shortly. If you place a high premium on completing your education, and expect him to have a high school degree at the minimum, and he thinks it's a waste of time, you're on different paths in life.
It's a pity, he's being very short-sighted and hasn't really figured out that not having a H.S. degree closes a lot of doors for him. But I guess I'm preaching to the choir here.
The point is that even though you love him very much, that's not enough to ensure the survival of the relationship. You both have to want the same things out of life, or mostly the same things. He has to want to complete the degree for himself.
He may be scared of looking like a fool and it's pride that's keeping him from finishing. I believe there are programs that don't involve actually stepping foot in a school--GED or online schooling. He should be checking those out.
Sorry, that's probably not the advice you were looking for, but I sense you're on a different track than he is.
Keep studying, try for college! Good luck.
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