A
female
age
26-29,
*unnymadness
writes:im 15 and home schooled , im a larger girl (as a little chubby) i keep thinking to my self i want someone in my life to love and hold me , but being out of school i cant really find a boyfriend , my mom dosent even want me to get a boyfriend till im about 18 . i just nodd and walk off when she talks like that , but ill go crazy if i wait that long ! boys(and girls) talk to me on facebook and myyearbook but none seem to be really serious !how do i tell my mom im ready for a relationship and how do i find myself a nice BF ? please help this means a lot !
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 I think you should encourage your mom to allow you socialize with people more. Maybe you can ask to join some kids who attend "regular" schools for their extra curricular activities after school. I'm sure there are some clubs/sports that are perhaps associated with the school that you could join. I know AYSO soccer is available to kids, whether they are home-schooled or not.
You are probably missing socialization more than having a boyfriend exactly. But, if you were around other kids your age more often, maybe you could start meeting boys your age.
As for convincing your mom that you should be allowed to have a boyfriend I don't have any great advice, without knowing why she is opposed to it exactly. But, maybe once you find someone you are interested in, and your mom can meet him, she'll be more comfortable with it. Usually moms are opposed to their teenaged daughters dating jerks, but they can be ok if you like the right guy :-) Good luck to you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): well the first thing to do it go out with your friends and see if there is any nice boys you like. then you can see how that goes, if its going well you can try to convice your mum your ready for a bf.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Bunny,
Let me share some experience with you first. My middle daughter is 18. She attends public school. I just read her "self reflection essay" Which is her take on her high school experience as a senior. She covered from the freshman year to now. Like you she is overweight. Her interests have been music and writing. She has hung out with the same small group of friends for 4 years. She described herself as "the invisible student" who was quite happy to stay that way. I know that she has raised a few hackles among the faculty from time to time. And, she managed to get singled out at choir competition. So she really isn't invisible. But, despite my promptings she has never been on a date. Had about three good opportunities but to her they just weren't right. Unlike you she is not ready to start dating now.
OK now to the advice. You have a feeling that you want some new attachments. My daughter does not. This is a good example of the normal variety in life. Some people are ready sooner than others. Your feelings are a good indicator that you are ready. The next question is what are you ready for.
You say you want a "boyfriend". The question is what is your definition of a boyfriend. If you use one definition then your mom is right you need to wait. If you use another definition you are right and you are ready.
Confused?
Good! There is a lot of bad information out there telling you that at 15 you should have a "boyfriend" who you are in an exclusive dating relationship with. You should be experimenting with sex to some point (varies quite a bit there). You are not ready for that. Most 15 year olds really aren't even if they are doing those things.
Having exclusive relationships and experimenting should wait until you are completely ready to consider a permanent relationship like marriage. I know that has never seriously crossed your mind, except as some vague hope for the future. When young people get involved to that level, before they are able to make those commitments, they just get hurt.
Being home schooled with a restrictive parent you have much less experience interacting with your peers. Possibly none. You need to start there. You are ready for companionship and friendship with boys your age. Group parties that are supervised are appropriate for 15 years old. Dancing would be the right amount of physical contact as long as you don't dance too close. Party games would be better.
At 16 you should start to go on unsupervised group dates. Like double or triple dates. You should strictly avoid pairing off. By that I mean dating the same guy many times in a row. Or feeling that you own or are owned by any guy. Holding hands and even possibly a kiss or two would not be inappropriate here. You should date many different guys. Casually (that means without commitment). That way you get to meet different personality types. You should Date this way until you feel you are ready to consider marriage. At That point you will be ready for that "boyfriend" we talked about earlier. The one where you promise not to date any other boys. Now I'm not going to go into sex rules at this level because 1) you aren't ready for that conversation, and 2) religion plays a big role in where the lines will be.
So if you agree with me that a limited start to interaction with boys is appropriate for you now, take this to your mom and explain to her that you don't want a steady boyfriend, and that you don't intend to experiment. Then she should be willing to help you find the right kinds of groups to start with.
You also asked about how to find a nice boyfriend. The answer is by casual dating. The more you meet the better your chance of meeting a good one.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Um..ok. I'm fairly certain this is the absolute last thing you'll want to hear on this issue, so all I can really offer is just give it consideration. In a phrase? This too, shall pass. Back 'er down, little sister. You have lotsa time for what's up ahead. Write this down where you'll find it 10 or even 5 years from now and you'll agree with me. It's part of growing up. There's no need to rush this stuff and at the tender age of 15, you are most certainly NOT ready for a relationship. I don't have to know you to guarantee you that much. I think you're looking for friendship, in all honesty. I'd say your Mom's pretty smart if she wants you to wait til you're older to jump in with both feet. Really, you have tons of time. Get to know YOU inside and out before you consider sharing it with a guy or anyone else. Believe me, you don't know who you even ARE,yet...just cool your jets for awhile and trust that just maybe your mom isn't merely trying to prevent you from having the oddles of fun you think you're missing out on Also, someone really cares about you by home schooling you, this says to me that someone (probably your mom) is taking the typical throwing-you-to-the-wolves thing very serious. Focus on your education, you're going to need it. Best the best YOU that you can be, first. LEARN. Grow and be a smart woman. Ask yourself this question: Will this really matter to me so much in a year or two? I know a year or two sounds like absolute forever right now, but it's not. You'll say this to yourself someday. Save this for your twenties. You have tons of time and no one has ever died for lack of a relationship at 15. Work on making yourself into a smart, independent, responsible, and educated woman for now. You'll thank yourself forever for it. Relationships are not going extinct, so let it roll off you like water off a duck's back. You'll get there all too soon, there's plenty of us out here who've been where you're at. You're not alone in this. Just consider what I've said here and in a few years come back and kick my butt if I'm wrong, k? Good luck and be good to yourself ALWAYS.
...............................
A
female
reader, angel amy  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Hia,
I know what you mean when you say you want a bf cause i'm in the same position there. You can't rush these things, it'll happen naturatly so i wouldn't advise rushing or looking for a bf, you should concentrate on looking for friends that are boys to begin with. I would say join a club or group, is there any that you know of?
If not, then head into a shopping mall or something with a good girl friend and look for boys, there's always some there :) and just smile at them. If they are worth it they will ccome to you.
With your mom situation, i think that she is just worried about you growing up which is perfectly natural as everry mom is like that. When the time comes when you actually find a boy you are interested in, sit your mom down and tell her how you feel that you are old enough to do this and explain you will be sensible. When you get a bf, just to put your mum's mind at rest i think you should tell her bits and pieces about how you feel about him and what is going on, as this will make her feel like she understands and is involved. :)
Good luck :)
xx
...............................
|
