| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Tips on cooking? I'm trying to help out my family.
Q. hi, im 14 and my mom usuelly is very nice to me, she lets me stay in town overnight if i call her, she does things like braid my hair, and lets me sleep in very late if i don't have school, but when i ask her to make me dinner or lunch ect.. she ...
A. 7 July 2010: Hi Ann,
I love to cook, and I started at an age younger than you.
Your Question also brings up an interesting relationship question. I hope you don't mind If I answer both.
First the relationship question. We have many relationships i... (read in full...)
Help! Who does my crush like?!? Me or my Bff?!?
Q. I like this guy... And so does my best friend. He gives us mix signals . She came up to him and ask if he could say happy birthday to me. He said that he was just about to do that and after the day he came up to me a said happy birthday. My friend ...
A. 24 June 2010: Unfortunately, he is too young to know how much trouble he is in. If he knew he would pack his bags and move to Australia. He really thinks of both of you as "just friends". He doesn't realize that he is playing with your hearts. He may be ... (read in full...)
Is this really cheating, I feel cheated in my marriage.
Q. Two friends, a man and a woman, both married in their late 40s, the marriages are sexless and in trouble. We became sexually attracted from the lack of any intimacy at home. We talk often and sex is a hot topic between us. She asked me to have sex ...
A. 23 June 2010: To me this is like watching a train wreck from a mile away. You can see the disaster about to happen but there is nothing you can do to stop it.
You are deeply into an emotional affair with this other woman. She has already decided to cheat wi... (read in full...)
How close should one be to their best friend's spouse?
Q. *OP's Original Title* My best friend and I have much more of a family than friend relationship. We talk almost daily for hours, go on trips together, etc. I have been married 20 years and all but a few of those have been miserable. My best fri...
A. 23 June 2010: This is a ticklish situation. It is very good that you see the dangers. My usual advice for a situation like this is to have some strict rules and everyone signs off on them.
Never be alone with him. Group events are OK but drive separate... (read in full...)
Is my disinterest in sex normal?
Q. I am a 40 year old women that have a total hysterectomy at age 28. My husband is 44. He wants to have sex everyday. If I don't want to he masterbaits. Is this normal or am I just being a bad wife? Should we see a doctor together? ...
A. 23 June 2010: A total hysterectomy will affect your hormone levels. That can have an effect on your sex drive. There are a lot of other factors as well. If you are not happy with your level of interest a Doctor can sometimes help. There are hormone balancing ... (read in full...)
Found photos of his ex
Q. Following a female intuition-thing, I snooped through all the thumb drives my b/f has in his briefcase while he was asleep. When he goes on business trips, he always takes photos of the job site, the people he works with, I don't know what I was ...
A. 21 June 2010: Thanks for writing back. I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to reply to this. I think an apology would fall on deaf ears, but there is an issue that needs to be addressed.
Yes indeed I have ex girlfriends. I do remember their names an... (read in full...)
I've come to have feelings for my wife's older sister!
Q. Hi, i'm a married man for 6 months and my problem is i came to like my wife elder sister very much and sometimes lost interest in my wife. My wife elder sister is a simple person with a soft heart, she seem 2 like me as well but as i'm married to ...
A. 20 June 2010: My advice as to what you should do is this:
Make a strict rule that you will never be alone with your sister in law.
Make another rule that you will have your wife with you any time you spend more than a few minutes with your sister in la... (read in full...)
Is he gay if he likes anal massages?
Q. i was just curious about something. been with my partner 2 years, we are really happy together and have high sex drives (we are at it everyday most of the time) the other night he guided my finger up his bum, while he led there masturbating and he c...
A. 20 June 2010: you asked, "is it normal for a boy to enjoy this?"
Any man who has an intact prostate gland might enjoy that. And if it is done carefully there are some health benefits. So go ahead and play just be sure to use protective barriers (ie. glo... (read in full...)
Do you think the sex problem could be part of the reason he didn't stay?
Q. My boyfriend has been sleeping over every Saturday for the past 4 months. This is embarrasing, but I have a lot of difficulty having an orgasm. I don't know why. I am fine with it not happening for me, but he always insists on making sure it does. ...
A. 20 June 2010: Thanks for writing back.
Oh yeah, you are going to have to break him out of the routine. You have got to shake him up. He may be a robot, but you are not. Actually getting into a routine is very comforting for guys. You just need to convince... (read in full...)
Do you think the sex problem could be part of the reason he didn't stay?
Q. My boyfriend has been sleeping over every Saturday for the past 4 months. This is embarrasing, but I have a lot of difficulty having an orgasm. I don't know why. I am fine with it not happening for me, but he always insists on making sure it does. ...
A. 20 June 2010: I'm in your age range, and I can think of several reason related to not feeling well that I wouldn't want to sleep over. I mean who wants to be seen at their worst. Waking up every hour for very noisy bathroom trips for one example. Perhaps he ... (read in full...)
Is he using me? He tries to force me to be in the mood for sex when I am not and we never make love.
Q. Ive been having this feeling for a long time now. i have no idea what it is or where its coming from but its really bothering me. for starters, im in a relationship with a guy that ive been with for a year now... and we are sexually active ...
A. 20 June 2010: Your needs are not being met. Reducing your participation in meeting his needs, is not likely to get your needs filled. You are surprised that he is less interested in you?
I have a feeling that he doesn't understand what it is that you need... (read in full...)
We broke up, we keep in touch as I insisted but he treats me badly. Any help?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me 1 month and a half ago. We were both pretty new to dating (he was virgin, not me though because I was engaged before but I rarely saw the guy and the relationship was very abusive) I loved him dearly but I did some stu...
A. 20 June 2010: My first reaction to your letter is that you are not ready to be in a relationship. You went from having an abusive partner, to being an abusive partner. You have structured your live around waiting for him. You can't make solid plans for your ... (read in full...)
Found photos of his ex
Q. Following a female intuition-thing, I snooped through all the thumb drives my b/f has in his briefcase while he was asleep. When he goes on business trips, he always takes photos of the job site, the people he works with, I don't know what I was ...
A. 20 June 2010: What trust? This is not some mythical feminine super power. What it is, is straight up jealousy and paranoia. You didn't trust his so you went snooping, and you found one whole picture. Now you are using that as an excuse to sabotage a six year ... (read in full...)
Farewell from an aunt
Q. After being an aunt on this wonderful site for well over 5 years, I've decided to finally see the writing on the wall and call it quits. I truly gave it my best shot and spoke the truth as I know it to be. I will always treasure my time here and the ...
A. 20 June 2010: Goodbye Eyes, and farewell,
Thank you for the time you have put in here. You brightened out lives while you were here.
FA... (read in full...)
My boyfriends a little too honest with me.. I'm not as attractive as this other busted model like chick..
Q. Hi guys. I have a very sweet, sincere and over-all nice boyfriend that I've been dating since last November. We immediately had a great connection, and I've only once caught him in a lie and it was utterly petty. Recently, I've come to think maybe ...
A. 20 June 2010: "supposedly" ???
Looks like your relationship needs more trust. You are unable to fully believe that his feelings are similar to yours. At his age he is still highly influenced by social and media pressure. With age and (mostly) experien... (read in full...)
I'm only attracted to men in the military!
Q. I have an attraction to military guys and that seems like all that I want, why can't I seem to like/date anybody else?...
A. 17 June 2010: Most women are attracted to power. The uniform represents power. It doesn't hurt that the military requires it's people to be physically fit. Evolution has selected us to be attracted to healthy people. The other really great thing the military ... (read in full...)
My brother in law wont stop pursuing me.
Q. My brother in law won't quit calling me texting me and facebooking me. We almost had sex one time and my sister walked in, no I don't want anything to do with him, but he woint leave me alone. I haven't answered anything from him, because I wouldn't ...
A. 16 June 2010: Assuming that this is a follow up to the prior post.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/almost-had-sex-with-my-brother-in-law.html
What I said before still stands. You have to absolutely cut off all contact with him. If you have to change y... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to date someone who you have no intention of marrying? Yet they do..?
Q. My girlfriend and i am dating for 8 months but we haven't had sex yet. The reason why we didn't have sex is she wants to lose her virginity ONLY to someone she wants to marry. She is a virgin, I am not. And the fact is that she wanna marry me in the ...
A. 15 June 2010: This is what we old fashioned people would call having dishonest intentions. In the old days proposing marriage in order to get sex would get you a date with a shotgun.
If you care at all about this girl you will respect her wishes in relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriends a little too honest with me.. I'm not as attractive as this other busted model like chick..
Q. Hi guys. I have a very sweet, sincere and over-all nice boyfriend that I've been dating since last November. We immediately had a great connection, and I've only once caught him in a lie and it was utterly petty. Recently, I've come to think maybe ...
A. 14 June 2010: OK so you asked a question that no matter what he said he would have been in trouble with you. Why do girls do that? If he had said you were prettier you would have "caught him in a lie". When he tells you why he likes you better he is shallow. ... (read in full...)
Almost had sex with my brother in law and my sister caught us!!
Q. What do I do, me and brother in law almost had sex and my sister walked in and saw us, now my family hates hates us!...
A. 14 June 2010: Wow, that's a really short question.
What to do? First learn your lesson. Don't mess with, flirt with, or attempt to attract anyone who is in a stable relationship. Don't date former boyfriends of your friends, or close relatives. Don't be... (read in full...)
Not sure what happened. Is this normal?
Q. Ok, so I know this will probably freak some people out or they will think I'm a tramp, but my boyfriend sent me a really dirty text and some pictures to go with it and I can't see him until Monday and it really got me going however I don't have any ...
A. 13 June 2010: Yes, legs tensing up is a common reaction to sexual stimulation. Nothing to worry about.
If you have troubles with leg cramps it could trigger one. Otherwise it is just part of the way your body enjoys sex.
FA... (read in full...)
Why do men never buy me presents?
Q. I want to know why men do not feel that I deserve presents. I am in a relationship now with someone who (admittedly is in a lot of debt) and he just doesn't get me any gifts. For my birthday he got me a couple of books he picked out whilst in a ...
A. 11 June 2010: Guys, Take Note!
You could learn a lot by reading this question. If you read over it carefully you will notice that she did get a gift but it didn't count. This is actually a mistake a lot of guys make. You will notice that she wanted a "thoug... (read in full...)
What is a normal amount of sex for a relationship and why can't he stay hard?
Q. dear cupid, my boyfriend and i have been together six months and at first, he explained that he left his wife because there was no sexual attraction anymore, that she had gained a lot of weight, didn't care about herself, and as a result, when the...
A. 11 June 2010: I agree that porn addiction may be the problem here. Somehow I didn't note that he was using porn when attempting sex with you. That is indeed a very bad sign. But considering his age lowering testosterone levels could easily cause lowered sex ... (read in full...)
What is a normal amount of sex for a relationship and why can't he stay hard?
Q. dear cupid, my boyfriend and i have been together six months and at first, he explained that he left his wife because there was no sexual attraction anymore, that she had gained a lot of weight, didn't care about herself, and as a result, when the...
A. 11 June 2010: Hi Heather, 40 is not to young to begin having problems with erectile dysfunction. There may be some help from a doctor on that.
It is interesting that your title says "what is the normal amount?" We never use the word normal when we talk abo... (read in full...)
Does anyone know of any good romance novels???
Q. Hello again! I just had a quick question. I'm 19 as is my boyfriend. He is away at work during the weeks of the summer and is only home one day of each weekend for the entire summer. Before work started we used to spend every day together so ...
A. 10 June 2010: Based on my experience limited as it is, The steamy scenes are all cut and pasted from the same stock. Quite a bit of it is outright unbelievable, especially the amateur stuff that can be found online. We just call it Chick Porn. I used to ... (read in full...)
I graduated, he's still in high school, and I feel like I'm missing out
Q. So i've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. I'm 18 and just graduated high school. He is 17 and now a senior in high school. I love him dearly with all my heart but i feel like i'm missing out on something like theres something else ...
A. 5 June 2010: You are getting good answers. There are 2 things I would like to address as well. First your relationship is going through a change. You are moving from a local relationship to a long distance relationship. I know that sounds funny because you ... (read in full...)
He wants a break. Did I hurt his feelings?
Q. hi i have been going out with a guy for the last six years we spend only weekends together and met up once a week because he is in the army. now for the last month he was off and out of the blue he said that he wanted a relationship break to think...
A. 2 June 2010: I think you are on the wrong track with your thinking. Closing on 25, in a relationship for 6 years, got his career figured out. I'd say he is contemplating settling down. But he is not sure you are the one.
The relationship is a difficul... (read in full...)
What the..? After moving in together, our sex life has died off completely..!
Q. Hi, I moved in with my Girl-friend about 6 months ago after being together for over 2 yrs and we are having one or two problems. I am 26 and she has just turned 32 We use to spend around 3 evenings a week together, going out regually or ...
A. 30 May 2010: Pocquet,
What is your level of investment? What are your long term goals? How much are you willing to risk?
Your relationship has a communication problem. You realize it. She doesn't. How does your work schedule compare to hers? I need mo... (read in full...)
What the..? After moving in together, our sex life has died off completely..!
Q. Hi, I moved in with my Girl-friend about 6 months ago after being together for over 2 yrs and we are having one or two problems. I am 26 and she has just turned 32 We use to spend around 3 evenings a week together, going out regually or ...
A. 28 May 2010: Well, you are looking for a solution, not a reason. I know the reason. Knowing the reason can help in finding the solution.
She had a goal to get you committed. When you moved in she felt she had achieved her goal. Now she thinks she can rela... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 26 May 2010: Congratulations Lexi,
Good weight for a first child. Love and best wishes for you and the baby!
FA... (read in full...)
Everyone hates me, Please help me.
Q. Everyone hates me. I hate my school because everyone really hates me. I only have 2 friends that i can be with. But I'm bullied, teased at and I'm always being hurt emotionally and physically. No one really cares about me and I my parents said...
A. 25 May 2010: Sounds like you need some help in dealing with social situations. Running away from school is not likely the right answer.
On the other hand for high school students in my state there is always the option of a Virtual Academy, or an online h... (read in full...)
What should I do... I'm not the same person I used to be..
Q. Okay im 16 for the record. So I met this guy Chris online in july. after meeting him, we totally fell for each other :) i'd do anything for him. so for the first time, he got me to send him underwear pics. and then eventually i also sent him a ...
A. 25 May 2010: We have a saying that explains why you aren't attracting quality guys.
If you hang out the meat you will attract the dogs.
Now what you have done that is wrong and quite dangerous is: You have produced and distributed child pornograph... (read in full...)
Harmless flirting or something more?
Q. So, my final semester of college I developed feelings for one of my professors. I think he has some feelings for me, showing through eye contact, touching, random emails, and just a really strong connection. Problem, well the first was I was his ...
A. 24 May 2010: So you are looking to settle down with a confirmed cheater? Okay, that was rude, think of it as a bit of shock therapy. Lets analyze the situation dispassionately.
Possibility one. He has feelings for you. That means that he is dishones... (read in full...)
Am I being naive or is this just a fantasy possible reality?
Q. (OP's own title) These situations always start with...there is this guy. I dated this guy two years ago, and well fell for each other really fast...to fast even, which is 180 from my norm in relationships. dating only lasted several months ...
A. 24 May 2010: Well that is one heck of a mess. He gave you honesty and shared his feelings with you. He gave her a ring and a promise. Looks like she wins. Sorry.
You could go on the offensive and try to win him back. All you will get is the satisfac... (read in full...)
Please shed some light on me? I'm so confused with this guy
Q. (OP's own title) this guy and i are close. i really like him, ALOT. we work together, but lately after crazy false rumors were going on around us(like that i was pregnant. i am still a virgin!) we werent really talking at work for a couple weeks ju...
A. 24 May 2010: Sounds like a lot of outside pressure was put on both of you. You both backed off to ease that off before people lost jobs. Whenever work and love clash, troubles ensue.
What he is doing now is reopening communication. He is keeping it at a ... (read in full...)
I'm just not getting into this new relationship!
Q. dear cupid, i was recently dateing a girl for 2 and half years for which we broke up about 9/10 months ago after her doing the cheating thing on me which in the past 4 weeks i got together with my new girl for which i have known for a year, the ...
A. 24 May 2010: What you are doing makes a lot of sense to me. Starting slow, not exposing yourself to risk, working on yourself more. You are still in the first year of separation from a painful breakup. Yet you know that you need to move on. Like a whipped ... (read in full...)
Should I explore the dating world while I am young?
Q. Im 20yo and I love my girlfriend very much. We have had many ups and downs. But I think I want to experience more of life while im young, date more girls. Is this wrong? Im trying to tell her how I feel, but she says she is at breaking point, she's ...
A. 24 May 2010: The fact is you love yourself much more than you love her. You are now at the age where you cant have her and your freedom to date too. You aren't ready to commit to her. She wants a commitment. I think you are both making a mistake.
Let h... (read in full...)
Are men attracted to overweight women?
Q. hey aunties and uncles. I'm going to be direct with this question because I've always wanted to know. is being overweight a real turn off for boys and do they get attracted to overweight girls? I myself am not overweight or anything but I am curious ...
A. 24 May 2010: Thanks Prion,
It is so refreshing to be judged fat and ugly and poor for being faithful and loving to my wife. If success is chasing young skirts, Bill Clinton can have it. I want more than that in my life.
FA... (read in full...)
Are men attracted to overweight women?
Q. hey aunties and uncles. I'm going to be direct with this question because I've always wanted to know. is being overweight a real turn off for boys and do they get attracted to overweight girls? I myself am not overweight or anything but I am curious ...
A. 23 May 2010: My first mad crush when I was much closer to your age was with a thin girl with long blond hair. By the time I got married I was attracted to an over weight woman with short very curly hair.
What happened? As it turns out I find that I am attra... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to pursue a guy? Or do I have to be chased?
Q. is there a proper dating process? Ive hung out with this guy a cpl of times, we talk a lot here and there. After we met he had implied he wanted to kiss me, so when I saw him the next time (he made me dinner/movie - it was nice) I thought it was g...
A. 21 May 2010: Ah ha!
You have a shred interest. Cooking. Now a challenge is almost as good as an invitation. So next time you are in the cookie mood, call him up and invite him over. He is ducking the commitment issue. You need to build some more bridges ... (read in full...)
I accused my husband of having affairs for 23 years and now he has left me, but I cannot accept it is finally over!
Q. I am a lunatic. I accused my husband of having affairs for all 23 years of my marriage. Then he filed for a divorce. Now I cannot stop asking him to take me back. I send rude sms everyday and I am either very nice or i swear rant and rave at him ...
A. 21 May 2010: You cant decide if you want to drive him away or chain him down. 23 years is a long time to put up with that. Right now he is just so relieved to come home at night and not hear jealous accusations. He probably thinks you are mentally unstable ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to pursue a guy? Or do I have to be chased?
Q. is there a proper dating process? Ive hung out with this guy a cpl of times, we talk a lot here and there. After we met he had implied he wanted to kiss me, so when I saw him the next time (he made me dinner/movie - it was nice) I thought it was g...
A. 21 May 2010: It depends on what he expects. The trouble is that we don't know what to expect from the "new" male. Traditionally, Yes on the cookies, no on the planing a date. But he is telling you he doesn't plan. Then to complicate it further he cooked for ... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 25 March 2010: Thanks for the update Lexi. Good to know everything is working out.
Online school is a very good choice. 20 years ago when my wife worked with young mothers, that wasn't even an option.
Keep us posted
FA... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 1 March 2010: Good Morning Lexi,
I thought I Had a few more months before I had to answer this question. Changing your mind about adoption is pretty common. Some times mothers change at the last minute. The baby is more real to you now and you are becoming... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 1 March 2010: Hi ya Lexi,
It is good to hear that all is going well. So you are starting the second trimester. For many it is the easy coasting part of the pregnancy. No radical changes, not so overburdened. My secretary is nearing the end of her second t... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 27 February 2010: Lexi,
Congratulations on that milestone. It all seems so much more real when you hear that heartbeat. Thanks for keeping us updated.
FA... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 19 February 2010: Lexi I feel so much better knowing your family is behind you on this. It is a good sign that your boy friend is being supportive as well. This will be a hard time for you, because it will separate you from your peers. You may feel all alone.
... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 18 February 2010: That's a good decision Lexi and I am glad you are thinking of what is best for the baby. Are your parents on board with you in this decision? Have you seen a doctor? Have you found a good adoption agency? I don't want to be a pest, or stack you ... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 17 February 2010: Hi again Lexi,
OK you have one person on your support team and you are having dialog with your parents. That's good for 1 day. Keep talking to mom and dad.
Let me tell you a little more about being a parent of teenagers. I made mistakes wi... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 16 February 2010: Why do parents say these things. I mean I could see saying, "If you have a drug party in my house, I'm going to kick you out". You could justify that by saying you are protecting the other kids, and the home. Besides kids want to party, they ... (read in full...)
Advice needed. 15, pregnant and don't know what to do... please help!
Q. Im 15 I Am pregnant and dont know what to do.. Please help me? If your gunna judge than dont say anything....
A. 16 February 2010: With that amount of information about all we can advise is to do what the doctor says. Build yourself a good support group. Eat healthy, exercise, and take care of your self.
More information could improve the advice.
FA... (read in full...)
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