A
female
age
30-35,
*eartbroken~
writes:Hi there, I need advice...I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 11 Months now. And I am pretty much obsessed with him! It's horrible. When he does something wrong, I find myself apologizing!The most recent issue happened last night. I was working late and he had decided to go golfing. They ended up being closed and he said he was going to a friends house. When I got to his place after work, I looked at his phone (not snooping) I read the funny emails from his neighbor...but I noticed a suspicious text message from a girl he had a "thing" with right before us. They had been talking all day and he met her for ice cream when he found out the golf course was closed (which he omitted to tell me!) Then he had text her 20 minutes before I looked at his phone (which would have been as soon as I got to his house). The way he was talking to her was really weird, I've never heard him say things like that before like "yes mam" and "whats up goof?" sounds harmless right? but it's out of the ordinary for him. I cried sooo hard because he told me he knew I'd find out, he just didn't want to tell me *sigh*Turns out she texted him again today...I can't handle it! I am the most jealous person you will ever meet. HELP!? I need some advice to make me a more sane person.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 Jealousy and obsession are not love. Sounds like your relationship needs some work. He isn't fully committed to you. You don't trust him enough. Based on his actions he may not be trustworthy. But I'm not about to make that call. A responsible adult in a committed relationship, would have a rule something like this (I do) "Never be alone with a member of the opposite sex." If he was committed to you he would have such a rule, unless he is so clueless that he doesn't think he needs one.
Now about your jealousy, it is a common trap for women to replace love with ownership. They end up treating their partners like children, wanting them to report in every half hour. Amongst men that is known as the "penis leash", and it really chafes. The funny thing is that when you trust him, and he is committed to you, he would gladly do all those things you want now in order to feel secure, and strangely you won't want them. You have some growing to do before you get there. This may not be the guy.
There are some ideas for you to think about.
FA
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (21 April 2010):
 The best solution here is for you to learn how to handle your jealousy by doing that you will see things in a different angle. I'll give you an example I'm not the jealous type I will give my man dollar bills if him and his buddies are going to strip club; why do I do this because I trust him and I love him, I give him freedom in return I get to do my own thing and honey thats living. Vice Versus here is my loving sister case She don't let her husband go anywhere without her, she always snooping in his phone and wallet, if he is not home she wondering where he is at and in return she is always cooped in her home not being able to do anything; I know her husband is not ding anything but being to jealous is just not healthy. Learn how to control your issue and try to live life.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (21 April 2010):
 hey there!
well firstly he is your boyfriend and he is committed to you so you have every right to ask him if your uncomfortable about something or someone..
if u have doubts about this girl then y dont you ask your boyfriend whats goin on?he will definitely tell you..
if he says that they are friends you have to beleive him and show him you trust him but not be fooled!
and u need to calm down,the more obssessive you get abt this guy the more it will drive him away!he will feel that your entering his space that will annoy him..give him space,give him the time..it will work best for both of u..
u hang out with youur friends too,do somethin that would divert your mind from him..
all the very best!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): In your defense he should have told you he was meeting a friend who was a girl. Knowing your jealous nature, he may have been trying to avoid conflict, but he shouldn't have left his phone then either. Then again, you shouldn't have snooped.
You need to ask yourself, Do you trust him? If yes, then you need to let go of these behaviors that will drive a wedge between you. If the answer is no, then you have bigger issues to deal with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): He lies to you, he's dishonest, so tell him that and leave him. He will probably do more with her than icecream if given the opportunity, and of course omit the entire thing like he just did. He can't be trusted.
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