A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a Big Problem and its very Complicated I was born a man and I dress like a woman I act like a woman I do everything like a woman but I don't like men I have a girlfriend but she dressess like a man and acts like a man so basically she's the man and I'm the woman in this relationship I don't know if you understood that? We are getting married this summer I'm gonna wear a white dress and she's wearing a tuxedo... tecnically its legal because I was born a man and she was born a woman. I really want my family to be part of it this is very important to me but they won't support me they don't want me to walk down the aisle in a dress they want me to wear a tux they will not go if I don't wear a tux like a man should I please them or should I get married how I always dreamed in a beautiful white dress? Should I sacrifice my own dream Wedding for my family or should I marry the woman I love how I want to... she doesn't want to wear a dress she wants to wear a tux but my family just don't understand I'm a drag queen and my girlfriend is a tomboy... any advice on what I should do? And Please don't Judge
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 May 2010):
 Thanks for the feedback. Since you have been dressing 24/7 for some time now, and since you started when you still lived at home in high school. (not sure I understood that) Now is not the right time for them to try to push you on this. That time was long ago.
You are not so much a "drag queen" (performer) as you are living cross dressed. So it does make more sense to do the wedding as you want to. That makes it less of a performance.
I'm glad that you are thinking about the two party idea. It really is important that you bring the families together. Especially when you already have some discord.
I'm very glad that you decided to share your decision with us here at DearCupid. There are still so many people out there that don't understand that a cross dresser can still be very heterosexual. Actually most cross dressers are.
FA
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ FATHERLY ADVICE...I started dressing like a woman since high school and yes I dress like this 24/7 ....none of my family members ever liked it I guess they feel embarrassed by me I don't know. The wedding is less important than the marriage but its the first and last time I'm planning on getting married.
@ NOT MY NAME... That's a good idea to have 2 parties I think my family and myself will feel much better if I have both....
thanks for all the advice
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 April 2010):
How long have you dressed. Has your family always resisted your dressing? Do you dress 24/7, or just for special occasions.
Answers to those questions would really change the way I would answer this. Marriage is the knitting of two families, and the creation of a new family. It is a very important occasion. I think that your family may be thinking that it is a show or a pageant to you and that is why they are resisting. The sad truth is that if you were a woman society would gladly grant you the right to make your wedding the biggest Hollywood pageant you could possibly afford.
What I would tell a genetic woman in your situation is that the wedding is a lot less important than the marriage. Dreams or no. What happens on one day cannot be more important than the decades that will follow it.
Congratulations on finding a woman who understands and accepts you the way you are. There will always be social hurdles for you. Having a supporting partner is the best way to get through them.
FA
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A
female
reader, AuntyAlexxmo  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 Weddings are a personal event and they should be just how you and your girlfriend want it to be and not anybody elses way, if your family can not except how you want your day i dont believe you should change it this is the 21st century and people can live their lives how they choose, i hope this helps and have a wonderful wedding day whatever you do =]
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A
female
reader, Not My Name  +, writes (30 April 2010):
 How about you guys do what you want for a wedding with the outfits and wot not and people who do support you, ... and then have a second ceremony that is more casual attire (perhaps even just part of the reception?) and that way you can have the best of both worlds even if unfortunately , not all at the same time.
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