| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Why do family members and relatives interrogate me just because I don't want kids?
Q. Hi everyone. I've noticed that when someone does not want to have kids, everyone interrogates them. They demand answers. But when someone does want to have kids, no-one interrogates them! How does that work? It sounds like discrimination to me...
A. 28 September 2010: If you go back in history a ways, 60's I think, having children was quite unpopular. Having more than 2 was irresponsible. Whenever you go against the cultural norm you will run into resistance. Bruce, in your case it is silly to expect your ... (read in full...)
What would you change if you had a time machine?
Q. Hi, Just a general question. What would you change if you had a Time Machine? Hypothetically, if you could go back in time armed with this knowledge and understanding of mistakes you both made in a relationship and start all over, what would...
A. 26 September 2010: Ah well,
Relationship only replies. Well, I've been in this relationship for some 26 years now. Aside from finding a way to avoid aging, (just kidding). I think some times that If I had fully understood what was coming in the future I would ha... (read in full...)
What would you change if you had a time machine?
Q. Hi, Just a general question. What would you change if you had a Time Machine? Hypothetically, if you could go back in time armed with this knowledge and understanding of mistakes you both made in a relationship and start all over, what would...
A. 25 September 2010: There was this pack of bullies in one of my grade schools. . . .
It wasn't until much later in my life that I stopped putting up with that. Knowing what I know now, I'd have stopped them.
FA... (read in full...)
How do you stay wet during sex?
Q. I have a question about sex! So the last couple times I've had sex with my guy, I usually start off really wet. But then at some point during it i get dry and then it hurts... whats happening? Cause it's not like I'm not turned on or horny ...
A. 25 September 2010: I have to jump in here to correct some poor information. A personal lubricant is the way to go. Vaseline is a bad choice for that purpose though it has been used historically. The reason not to use Vaseline is that it makes condoms week, then ... (read in full...)
Men: Is sex a chore and not enjoyable?
Q. Do you men that focus only on performance during sex take sex as being a chore instead of enjoyment?...
A. 23 September 2010: I've never thought of it as a "chore". I don't focus on technique or performance every time. I don't find that that kind of focus makes it more work. Usually the reward, in the form of her obvious enjoyment, is well worth the effort.
What ... (read in full...)
What words can I use to express to my boyfriend how sexy his voice is?
Q. So my boyfriend has a really sexy voice and whenever we are talking on the phone he voice just puts me to sleep cos it feels really good to my ears.. And it takes a lot to make me sleep. So we were thinking of names for what his voice does to me. ...
A. 20 September 2010: Oh yes, from a guys point of view hypnotic is the word to use. It portrays power, as well as attractiveness.
Interestingly my SIL has a very sexy phone voice kind of sleepy and dreamy like Doris Day. My Wife on the other hand is bright a... (read in full...)
How to get my girl to put her nipples out on display?
Q. I love it whe women dress so you can see their nipples. Thin tight material, etc. It seems that women love to show their cleavage. It's on display constantly. Why won't more women they their nipples be visible or just prominent under tight clothes ? ...
A. 20 September 2010: This question just begs for some ribbing. Of course Eyes got in a good jab, and well done.
The honest answer is that You shouldn't try to convince her to dress in a way she finds too revealing in public. First she won't be comforta... (read in full...)
Do women feel sexier when they are a bit chubby?
Q. I have to be honest. I find women cuter when they are carrying a bit of weight (as long as they are not huge). But I want to know how women feel? Do they feel embarrassed if they are a bit overweight or do they feel sexier? Or would they prefer to ...
A. 20 September 2010: Hi Bruce,
I still like your questions.
Personally I like women who have some curves, I know that wasn't your question. Just thought I'd throw in my two bits. Now I think men feel better about them selves when they have more muscle mass. Th... (read in full...)
Needy dad!
Q. Hey, I live with my father and I'm beginning to see how needy he has become. I go to college and he's been a great help to me right now. I don't have to pay rent, he bought me a car, a new phone, pays for food, bus fair, etc. He really is great ...
A. 20 September 2010: Something doesn't ring as right in your relationship with him.
It sounds like he is over stepping what you would consider normal bounds. I know that as a parent I tend to have trouble adjusting to new roles as my children age. He may be tryin... (read in full...)
Is loving two people ok?
Q. My Ex fiance admits shes in love with a co worker and me. But she wants me to try and work to see if we can get back together after she ended our engagement, canceled our wedding and moved out because of this guy. She said now that she loves me ...
A. 14 September 2010: Thanks for following up. I'm not surprised too much at her reactions. What bothers me is that she doesn't seem to be able to see how much it hurts you. By continuing to contact you she is keeping you from fully healing. I still believe that you ... (read in full...)
Why did he disappear on me?
Q. oky long story short me and my boyfriend were suppost to hang out n the weekend. on a saturday then all of a sudden he told me he could only hang out for two hoours becase he had a wedding to go to. i dont believe it though bcause he would have kn...
A. 6 September 2010: I need more information. I thought I had a handle on this but the age difference complicates everything. He could be shifty because he is playing you. He may be upset about you controlling access. I'd still think that 5 missed dates and no ... (read in full...)
Why did he disappear on me?
Q. oky long story short me and my boyfriend were suppost to hang out n the weekend. on a saturday then all of a sudden he told me he could only hang out for two hoours becase he had a wedding to go to. i dont believe it though bcause he would have kn...
A. 4 September 2010: You do realize, that you two don't really communicate. You fight, you spar, whatever. It seems obvious that he doesn't enjoy time with you so he avoids it. 5 in a row I would say he is all gone but the final text. He's just not that into you.
... (read in full...)
Why did he disappear on me?
Q. oky long story short me and my boyfriend were suppost to hang out n the weekend. on a saturday then all of a sudden he told me he could only hang out for two hoours becase he had a wedding to go to. i dont believe it though bcause he would have kn...
A. 3 September 2010: You usually cut yourself off of communications for the whole weekend? You don't trust him and you accuse him. He probably is out looking for a two way relationship.
FA... (read in full...)
Multicultural marriage becoming overwhelming
Q. I've been married to a Luo Kenyan (we just celebrated 9 years mid-August). We have a 5 and 6 year old girl and boy. We both live away from our families, he, obviously much farther than I as we live in the US. Lately things have been strained b/c #1 ...
A. 3 September 2010: Thanks for the followup. The Brother in lw=aw / priest, is in trouble with the law? Yikes your life really is full of troubles. I really wasn't questioning your decision to take in your mother and mother in law. What I was doing was tallying up ... (read in full...)
Is there such thing as the "one" or is it just a stupid thing people want to believe?
Q. how do you know is someone is the one? i have just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 an a half years.. we have broke up once before but i know now i dnt want to get back with him beacuse he is an ex for a reason now! but all my friend keep sayi...
A. 2 September 2010: No, it is a myth. There are likely several highly compatible people for you. Hopefully more compatible than the last. Part of the problem with the "the one" myth is the idea that all you have to do is find that magical person and you will live ... (read in full...)
Multicultural marriage becoming overwhelming
Q. I've been married to a Luo Kenyan (we just celebrated 9 years mid-August). We have a 5 and 6 year old girl and boy. We both live away from our families, he, obviously much farther than I as we live in the US. Lately things have been strained b/c #1 ...
A. 2 September 2010: Well to tell you the truth I can't think of anything more impossible than living with a mother and a mother in law. I'm amazed that you have made it this far. There must be quite a bond to keep you together in that circumstance.
FA... (read in full...)
My ex husband is causing trouble for my entire family and no one can stop him!
Q. I was married for a short time 27 years ago. We got divorced,he disappeared, paid no child suppport and I did not look for him, it was done. Three years later I remarried, my husband adopted my daughter and things have been wonderful for years. ...
A. 31 August 2010: Record every thing. Keep copies of all communications. And, get an attorney in New Hampshire. You think he hasn't broken any laws but credit card fraud is a crime. It will stop when it costs him something.
FA... (read in full...)
I feel like the nice guy who always finishes last...
Q. Ended a relationship last year that ran for eight years but we basically became roomates - hadn't had sex for three years. Felt ready to start dating again this summer and have been seeing someone who I thought was really nice. I have never been ...
A. 31 August 2010: Thanks for the follow ups. I agree I came on strongly, I was worried what women would think upon reading your post. The women who responded here both advised you to take care of yourself first. That is excellent advice. I see that your losses in ... (read in full...)
I feel like the nice guy who always finishes last...
Q. Ended a relationship last year that ran for eight years but we basically became roomates - hadn't had sex for three years. Felt ready to start dating again this summer and have been seeing someone who I thought was really nice. I have never been ...
A. 31 August 2010: I'm really tossed up about how to answer this. First at 36 years old you demanding no children as a prerequisite is going to rule out most of the candidates. Next, I agree that you relationship history does point to nice guy syndrome. The women ... (read in full...)
I want to divorce him but I feel guilty for not trying!
Q. I have been with my husband since early 2008 and we have a 2 year old son and when i was pregnant i set up a fake profile of this 'hot' chick to test him. It was sneaky but all he had to do was say 'thanks but no thanks, my partner is pregnant' etc, ...
A. 31 August 2010: Why do men have to be tested?
FA
PS: I know I didn't answer your question. I'm not sure what the answer should be. Your problems don't sound too unusual for a young couple in financial stress. I really believe that you shouldn't have s... (read in full...)
Betrayal by sister and mom!
Q. okay, so here it goes. I have this Horribe problem. im 17, and I have this Amazing, most wonderful boyfriend in the world. Hi name is Greg, and His 19. And my name is liz : p I have this bratty lil sister, named clair. and well. ok here i...
A. 24 August 2010: #1, finish filling out your blame sheet. There is someone else who betrayed you but you are letting him off the hook.
He is a cheating skirt chaser with no concern for his partners. You really need to stay away from him.
FA... (read in full...)
My husband cheated on me, should I leave?
Q. I've been married to my husband for 11 years, and we dated for 7 years before that. We have two children together and they are 7 and 5 years old. I've been a stay home mom for seven years. Three weeks ago, he confessed that he cheated on me wi...
A. 21 August 2010: Being an Asshole is one thing, being an abusive asshole is another. Abuse is all the reason you need to end a marriage in my book. Throw in infidelity, (even attending a "gentleman's club"), and it's a closed case.
Usually I'm on the work it ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend isn't interested in my breasts, should I get implants?
Q. My boyfriend never really touches or looks at my breasts. They are small, about a 34B or so, and I have a bit of insecurity about them because I'd prefer to be bigger. Not porn-big, just... big enough to turn a few heads even when I'm not wearing a ...
A. 21 August 2010: I don't think implants are going to make a difference in his behavior. He just isn't much interested in breasts at all. I do feel a bit sorry for him as he is missing half the game.
The real reason I was attracted to your question was the fact... (read in full...)
Is this height difference ok?
Q. Is 26cm or 10inches difference too bad between couple? What are some adventages and disadventages in this? Would you, guys, be mind to have a girlfrient who is too short( 5'1)? ...
A. 20 August 2010: Fortunately, you are female and there is no social stigma to being a short woman. If you were Male it would be a much worse situation. Most men will have no problem with a girl your size. The only disadvantage I could see is you might get a stiff ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a girl to think about sex all the time?
Q. iam a girl and i always think about sex, even though my boyfriend satisfy me all the time and i am happy with him. when i am not with him i always watch porn to satisfy myself. is it normal for a girl to think about sex all the time?...
A. 18 August 2010: Hi ya Sweetpie
What is normal, is for people to be different. Both men and women will have various levels of sexual interest or drive or libido. People will also like different kinds of sexual activities. Even if you are getting a lot of one k... (read in full...)
Shoul I be worried?
Q. i have had my growth spuirt im getting facial hair and all that stuff im 5'10" and my voice still hasnt changed should i be worried? also im gonna be 15 in 2 months...
A. 18 August 2010: Of course this is a medical question. I'm no endocrinologist, but I would say that if you have facial hair your voice is pretty much where it is going to be. Congratulations you're a tenor. Nothing wrong with that. Remember everyone is ... (read in full...)
What other things can you use to masterbate??
Q. instead of dildo, vibrator,etc. what other things can you use to masterbate?...
A. 18 August 2010: Whenever I see this question I worry a bit. Go to U Tube and look up Ducky Doolittle's video "not in your but". That will give you a good idea of the safety issues.
FA... (read in full...)
Dating a man who can't have sex?
Q. Do you think that there are very many women who would be willing to date a man that is not physically capable of having sex?...
A. 16 August 2010: OK, a follow up answer. Say the guy has untreatable erectile dysfunction. That would still leave oral or manual sex. Frontage is still possible. Sex toys have been mentioned. Now if you are thinking that the man, for some reason, is unwilling to ... (read in full...)
I can't take the stress of making my husband happy anymore!
Q. I am so confused and not sure what to do anymore. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for two tomorrow. I believe that I have put all of myself into my marriage. Everything is about him, he is on a trip for his job and has ...
A. 15 August 2010: OK it is time to be the responsible Adult. From your description it appears that you and your children and especially your husband are frequently in real physical danger. That is the first thing to fix. You may have to take the kids to a safe ... (read in full...)
Dating a man who can't have sex?
Q. Do you think that there are very many women who would be willing to date a man that is not physically capable of having sex?...
A. 15 August 2010: There is more than one way to have sex. In a loving relationship things can be worked out. Vintage is right, there is a lot more than sex that women are interested in.
FA... (read in full...)
Can you be in love with two ppl at the same time?
Q. I've been having an affair with the same man for 9 years. He and his wife are both physicians and have a certain "appearance/status" to uphold in their community . I had his baby when we had been together for 6 years. His wife found out and forbid ...
A. 12 August 2010: I'm not sure that it is "too much to ask" Most people want those things. I certainly wouldn't expect the doctor to offer more anytime soon. Your Husband?, well I just don't know enough at this point. He may be ready to make that kind of offer. ... (read in full...)
Is this considered incest?
Q. [Mod Note - OP's own title] I recently visited my cousin during my vacation in LA. She's my first cousin and she's a very attractive girl. We're both also 29 years old. While we were hanging out I asked her about the night clubs in LA. She said...
A. 11 August 2010: She used you to try out her Wow power. She wanted a "safe" place to try out what her friends were doing. I wouldn't be too worried about this if it wasn't for your ages. You should both be smarter than that by now.
She set you up and used you... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever vomited whilst giving a blow job?
Q. [Mod Note: OPs own title] I give my boyfriend oral sex almost every day and I love doing it it turns me on a lot, but last night I got carried away with it I went wild and then out of no where I gagged and suddenly vomited all over him. I was mort...
A. 11 August 2010: Well, not to me. But, yes it does happen. If you poke something hard into the back of your mouth you will trigger a vomiting reflex every time.
So much for the technical details. Embarrassing things happen when you are having sex. This is ... (read in full...)
Can you be in love with two ppl at the same time?
Q. I've been having an affair with the same man for 9 years. He and his wife are both physicians and have a certain "appearance/status" to uphold in their community . I had his baby when we had been together for 6 years. His wife found out and forbid ...
A. 11 August 2010: Interesting Tallmama,
I have always thought that women would be more likely to love two people at the same time. Because you are unable to do a thing is no evidence that another person is unable. But, because something is possible is also no ... (read in full...)
Been talking to a guy for eight days and it already feels like he's the one...am I crazy?
Q. I know I'm not inlove but it sure feels like it. I've been talking to this dude for about 8 days now. We've never met before and we plan on meeting when I get back. I feel like he's the "one". I know it may sound weird, and I'm young and blah blah ...
A. 10 August 2010: Personally, I think you are right to worry. LDR with a guy older than you. It is going to be pretty easy for him to manipulate your feelings. I do hope you have done a background check on him. If I was your dad, I'd pay for it.
FA... (read in full...)
Can you be in love with two ppl at the same time?
Q. I've been having an affair with the same man for 9 years. He and his wife are both physicians and have a certain "appearance/status" to uphold in their community . I had his baby when we had been together for 6 years. His wife found out and forbid ...
A. 10 August 2010: The Short answer to your question is yes. It is unusual, but there are people that can love more than one person. The better question is, "can they make loving two people work?". That answer is almost always "not for very long."
The burning ... (read in full...)
He thinks I'm cheating with my ex but I'm not! How can I convince him?
Q. Hey. I'm a 21 year old female. I have a boyfriend that I love a lot ! We've been together for 4 years now and he thinks I'm cheating on him with my ex!! He doesn't like when I talk to guys, and I don't like when he talks to girls either! He does it ...
A. 10 August 2010: Move on, he is either cheating on you and projecting his actions to you, or he is slipping into an abusive behavior pattern. Either one is bad for you. Get out before the beatings start.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm done 'having meaningless fun' but just so worried that when I'm faced with the next guy - I won't refuse!
Q. Ive hooked up with prob 10 + guys in my lifetime, but never had sex with them...I had sex ONCE with a guy (that i didnt know well) and never had it again....after having sex i realized that I had lost my self respect and that even making out with a ...
A. 10 August 2010: I do hope that the guys you meet will respect you for your decision. You are right that sex should be reserved for solid committed relationships. Make sure you are looking in the places where you will find guys of a similar mindset. Not all guys ... (read in full...)
Casual sex, is it just a phase?
Q. In the last 3 months i've slept with 16 men and there's no true sign of my sex life slowing any. Lately i've been sleeping with guys, taking names, and sending them on their way. I dont want a relationship and love disgusts me (i used to love ...
A. 10 August 2010: I get the feeling that you are not comfortable with your current lifestyle. The definition of an addiction is feeling compelled to do something that you feel is destructive to your life. If I am reading you right, and you do not like the way your ... (read in full...)
Am I wanting to move the date of our wedding forward purely because of my emotions after losing my virginity?
Q. I've been in a serious relationship for about 7 months and my boyfriend and I are deeply in love. He actually moved to another state and got a different job to be closer to me. We work well together and have great communication. We're both confident ...
A. 5 August 2010: You are wanting to move the date up because you have filled all the boxes in your check off sheet. Got the ring, got the first sex, got a solid relationship. In my opinion you are right. What is the point of a long engagement? Pick the dress and ... (read in full...)
Is tossing the salad a reglular part of lovemaking?
Q. Mod Note...OP's own title: Hey everyone. Is it normal for a man to be turned off by the idea of having anal sex with a woman and by the idea of tossing a woman's salad (pleasing her anus orally). I'm in love with my girlfriend and I find h...
A. 4 August 2010: When you say, "is it normal . . .?" You are making a mistake. You can't decide what turns you on by what turns some majority of people world wide on. If the idea is repulsive to you, even if 90% of men in the world like it it will still be ... (read in full...)
Is loving two people ok?
Q. My Ex fiance admits shes in love with a co worker and me. But she wants me to try and work to see if we can get back together after she ended our engagement, canceled our wedding and moved out because of this guy. She said now that she loves me ...
A. 14 July 2010: Minor correction:
I see that I used the words Polyandry and polyandrous (having two or more husbands) when I should have used polyamory and polyamorous (loving two or more people).
Sorry.
FA... (read in full...)
Is loving two people ok?
Q. My Ex fiance admits shes in love with a co worker and me. But she wants me to try and work to see if we can get back together after she ended our engagement, canceled our wedding and moved out because of this guy. She said now that she loves me ...
A. 13 July 2010: Is it OK?
Well that might not be the right question.
The fact of the matter is it is a lot more common than you think. As social animals we form all kinds of attachments all the time. Being in love with more than one partner at the same time... (read in full...)
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