| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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There will be no communication for 9 months but he can't accept it and we keep fighting about it!
Q. We are a young couple in love, hes more than likely proposing this summer. We are the cute high school sweethearts. I chose to go to a Christian college for 9 months, which means no communication with him. You spend your entire time focused on God ...
A. 9 February 2011: I guess I just don't understand what a "Christian College" is. Obviously not a 4 year program, or a coed university.
Aside from that, which is mostly my curiosity, it seems as if you two are, to use the biblical term, unequally yoked. If he de... (read in full...)
There will be no communication for 9 months but he can't accept it and we keep fighting about it!
Q. We are a young couple in love, hes more than likely proposing this summer. We are the cute high school sweethearts. I chose to go to a Christian college for 9 months, which means no communication with him. You spend your entire time focused on God ...
A. 9 February 2011: What is he planning to be doing for those nine months so he will be spiritually equal with you when you get back? What else are both of you doing to prepare to start a family?
FA... (read in full...)
My ex wants to give things another go, but I met someone else as soon as we broke up.....
Q. Hi, I really hope that you reply to this as im stuck in the middle of something that I'm affraid to fix. I was recently in a long relationship (6 years) where things slowly started to fall apart in the last few months, i started to feel more a...
A. 8 February 2011: All signs indicate that the new girl is gone from your life. That does simplify your decision somewhat. All of the factors involved in deciding whether or not to get back with your ex are still there. It is good she is patient. She should be as ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to give things another go, but I met someone else as soon as we broke up.....
Q. Hi, I really hope that you reply to this as im stuck in the middle of something that I'm affraid to fix. I was recently in a long relationship (6 years) where things slowly started to fall apart in the last few months, i started to feel more a...
A. 6 February 2011: Welcome back,
you ask, "Is it okay for me to do things as friends with both of them,?"
Well whatever you can all agree to is "okay", but I have a feeling that you are going to get a lot of resistance from both of the women on that plan. You ... (read in full...)
My ex wants to give things another go, but I met someone else as soon as we broke up.....
Q. Hi, I really hope that you reply to this as im stuck in the middle of something that I'm affraid to fix. I was recently in a long relationship (6 years) where things slowly started to fall apart in the last few months, i started to feel more a...
A. 4 February 2011: Anonymous,
Thanks for writing back. Sometimes we wonder if the answers we write are even being answered.
About the cheating. As so often we have to do, we read the post a few times then look for the signs and patterns and try to fill in t... (read in full...)
My ex wants to give things another go, but I met someone else as soon as we broke up.....
Q. Hi, I really hope that you reply to this as im stuck in the middle of something that I'm affraid to fix. I was recently in a long relationship (6 years) where things slowly started to fall apart in the last few months, i started to feel more a...
A. 3 February 2011: Dear Anonymous,
The Problem is that you are not getting The messages these women are trying to send. First the new girl. She is distrustful and tells you her parents won't approve, then she is very physical with you. The message is: "there i... (read in full...)
Does this make him gay?
Q. My boy friend has a fantasie of me having both male and female sex organs, and he fantasizes' him preforming oral sex with the male organ, and also doing him from behind. Could this mean he is gay or bi and he's to embarrassed to say anything?? ...
A. 29 January 2011: I wouldn't say he is too embarrassed if he shared that fantasy with you. I think the real important question here is how do you feel about it?
FA... (read in full...)
I hit my girlfriend, is it my fault or hers?
Q. im 15 ma girlfriends 14 were in the same year but im not proud of what i did but i need some advice me and my girlfriend were arguing after something that happened at school i kinda said she was flirting with my bestmate because she was hugging him ...
A. 28 January 2011: Fault?
Of course it is your fault. Her face did not slap your hand. Your responsibility is to control your temper. At your age it is going to be hard and you are going to make mistakes. Making excuses and blaming the other person will not help... (read in full...)
What do I buy my boyfriend for valentines day
Q. haia guy's! This may not be a serious question but...i've been going out with my bf for about a month know and i have no idea what to get him for valentines day! Please help, any advice would be apriciated! Thankyoou! :D x...
A. 28 January 2011: Silly people,
Valentines is for girls. Guys are much too stressed trying to take care of their female friends to relax and enjoy a gift. If you give them a gift it just makes them feel awkward. So just forget about buying something for him.
... (read in full...)
If my boyfriend had intentions to cheat with an old hookup, would he tell me whenever she contacted him?
Q. I just have a quick question. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we love each other very much. Recently, a girl he has hooked up with in the past has been trying to get back with him. He tells her no, but I guess she's just desperate. M...
A. 28 January 2011: Let's look at the one other reason that a guy would tell his Girlfriend that his ex is hitting on him.
When she finally accepts that he isn't going to accept her advances, she is going to be mad. She is going to be mad at him and she is going... (read in full...)
We are not yet officially dating. So is it illogical for me to be jealous of his flirting with girls?
Q. This guy and i have been friends for a few months. Recently he told me he gets nervous around me because he's very attracted to me. After some more texting and flirting he then told me he wants to be my boyfriend. A few days later, we are still comm...
A. 26 January 2011: You ask, " am I wrong to feel . . . ?". The simple answer is no you have your feelings they are part of you. They are real amd both of you will have to learn how to deal with them if you want the relationship to succeed.
When I read you titl... (read in full...)
I dumped him for another man but I am so hurt he slept with another girl while we were apart! How do I get over this?
Q. so... not long ago i had a boyfriend(let's call him alex). we had been together for like 1 year and 10 months. things started to get really routinaire and i asked him for a break. he said yes but then i met this other guy (daniel) and we started ...
A. 26 January 2011: The only way to get an unwanted thought out of your mind is to replace it with something better. The bad thoughts are there because you let them in. You can chase them away but you have to replace them with something. You are going to have to ... (read in full...)
Girl masturbation
Q. Is it just me or is using a vibrator a lot better than using your hands or fingers when you masturbate? is that a lesbian thing to use a vibrator? :s...
A. 25 January 2011: A lesbian thing is when a woman is attracted, sexually, to another woman.
To everyone else who has posted, it is so refreshing to see women say that masturbation even when you are in a relationship is OK.
FA... (read in full...)
He saw me holding hands with a friend and now he won't talk to me
Q. I've been talking to some guy and now he doesn't want to talk to me because he saw me holding hands with my friend and he got all pissed off now he won't talk to me...Its been about a week or so and hes still mad at me which i do not know what to do ...
A. 25 January 2011: I do try not to jump to conclusions or fly off the handle. So, I'm sitting here wondering if I can write this in a nice way. I feel you need some correction in your understanding of what has happened in this "relationship". I use the term ... (read in full...)
Pubic hair question.....
Q. Hi everyone, im just wondering does hair actually grow on the penis or they just grow on the base of the penis? ...
A. 25 January 2011: Scott,
I think Ivan really cleared that up. Some invasion of pubic hair up the shaft is nothing to worry about. Like Ivan said just natural variation.
In any case I wouldn't try any type of hair removal because they all have a stubble s... (read in full...)
Pubic hair question.....
Q. Hi everyone, im just wondering does hair actually grow on the penis or they just grow on the base of the penis? ...
A. 25 January 2011: You are male and over 21. If it hasn't grown there it isn't going to.
No, seriously this is a strange question. We are mammals most of our bodies are covered with fine hair. The shaft of the penis may have fine hair as well but not that you... (read in full...)
Is there anything I can do about my mother's hoarding problem?
Q. My mother has a severe hoarding problem. It's always been an issue but for the past 14 years it's been a living hell. I clearly remember me and my relatives rushing to clean the first floor of the house for my birthday party when I was 10. I'm now ...
A. 25 January 2011: I kind of understand where you are coming from. My grandmother was hoarder. My dad is a serious pack rat. I even have some seriously weird things in my basement. But, never to the extent you are talking about. Actually, the house was often very ... (read in full...)
I dumped him for another man but I am so hurt he slept with another girl while we were apart! How do I get over this?
Q. so... not long ago i had a boyfriend(let's call him alex). we had been together for like 1 year and 10 months. things started to get really routinaire and i asked him for a break. he said yes but then i met this other guy (daniel) and we started ...
A. 25 January 2011: What should you do, seems to be your min question, to stop being hurt by this memory. You seem to be stuck on this idea of fairness. You did A so he had a "right" to do B. That somehow you can only repair the hurt you caused him by letting him ... (read in full...)
Our sex life isn't what it should be!
Q. im 25 and my bf is 39 so far we have a good relantionship but im concern about our sex life hes sex drive isnt where i would like it to be i wanted to know do men at that age not geet in the mood to have sex as much...and how can i get hem to want ...
A. 18 January 2011: I'm a little older than your husband. I would be pretty intimidated by a lover of your age who was getting demanding. That intimidation could affect his performance. I will say that my interest is lower now than it was at 25. My ability is even ... (read in full...)
How often do engaged couples fight?
Q. I've been single for all my life and it's about to change. The dynamics of letting someone else have the reigns or at least to be the "head" of our relationship/marriage is hard for me to bite. I am so used to being independent and not allowing ...
A. 18 January 2011: Hey OP,
You sure raised some hackles with your first post. You are right that there does need to be some changes in order for a relationship to work but I do need to add some caution.
Remember that I said that his headstrong attitudes were c... (read in full...)
I've tried to make my dad proud but he just doesn't care!
Q. I know that this sight is meant for relationships between lovers but I'm having trouble with my dad. We have never gotten along, and tho I try and try to do things to relate to him (even if I hate them ... like sports) we still don't get along. All ...
A. 18 January 2011: Good to hear AnnAirB, I'm glad he got involved so easily. It is a great first step. Just remember to respect his experience and advice. You don't always have to follow it but you need to make sure he knows you appreciate his point of view.
... (read in full...)
How often do engaged couples fight?
Q. I've been single for all my life and it's about to change. The dynamics of letting someone else have the reigns or at least to be the "head" of our relationship/marriage is hard for me to bite. I am so used to being independent and not allowing ...
A. 17 January 2011: Oops,
I forgot to answer the question in the title. "How often do engaged couples fight?" At least once. I firmly believe that any couple who hasn't had a fight just isn't communicating.
FA... (read in full...)
How often do engaged couples fight?
Q. I've been single for all my life and it's about to change. The dynamics of letting someone else have the reigns or at least to be the "head" of our relationship/marriage is hard for me to bite. I am so used to being independent and not allowing ...
A. 17 January 2011: Well it has already been said, but to put it bluntly. You are in no way ready to be married. You don't want a husband you want a dog. I'd suggest an agreeable breed like a Labrador.
Two other things.
There is something about this heads... (read in full...)
My husband tells me he doesn't know.
Q. Why is it, that a guy would have the same answer to literally EVERY question, that he should know: "I don't know" it is driving me insane. I actually feel like I'm going crazy. It could be about food, beer, how to cook something, (he has cooked his ...
A. 17 January 2011: Thanks for writing back. You have some pretty good ideas there.
I have to share a bit of my own experience with you. My wife frequently doesn't know what she wants. But, she certainly knows what she doesn't want. Some times it's like pul... (read in full...)
I've tried to make my dad proud but he just doesn't care!
Q. I know that this sight is meant for relationships between lovers but I'm having trouble with my dad. We have never gotten along, and tho I try and try to do things to relate to him (even if I hate them ... like sports) we still don't get along. All ...
A. 17 January 2011: AnnAirB,
Your relationship with your father is as important as any relationship in your life and it will likely affect your romantic relationships. You are living under the shadow of an impending divorce and as that gets closer and closer h... (read in full...)
My husband tells me he doesn't know.
Q. Why is it, that a guy would have the same answer to literally EVERY question, that he should know: "I don't know" it is driving me insane. I actually feel like I'm going crazy. It could be about food, beer, how to cook something, (he has cooked his ...
A. 17 January 2011: No, I don't think he wants a divorce or is being passive / aggressive. And To Jmtmj, the reason she doesn't just ask is because he will say "I don't know".
Really I don't have the answer myself because I frequently suffer from the same frustrat... (read in full...)
I want him back without him feeling like he lost his pride
Q. I need help getting a really special guy back....whenever I try to tell him I still like Him he's a totaly a** to me....I no he likes me he just won't admit it because he dosnt wanna lose his pride after dumping me because I said he needEd to put ...
A. 16 January 2011: hey Ann,
Let me answer your question first and then offer some unsolicited, but very serious advice. And if you are closer to 13 than 15 the advice will be different.
If you are both 15ish, the way to get him back is to play it cool, as in c... (read in full...)
Why are men players?
Q. Why are men Players??? Why do they have a daytime girl and a nite time girl?? ...
A. 10 January 2011: Well Jenta,
You have asked the question twice so I suppose we should toss out as complete of an answer as we can. Mostly I think you are hurt and lashing out, and rightfully so, so I will try to ignore all the man bashing.
Why are men p... (read in full...)
I'm a girl who'd rather watch tv than have sex. How do I get him to be passionate???
Q. my bf and I have been dating for 3 years. Lately I'd rather watch tv than have sex. He's the one who says he wants to do it, but he expects me to instigate it since he pays the rent. I want music in the background and he could care less. How do I ...
A. 4 January 2011: Hi Kit's,
I hope things are getting better in the relationship for you.
FA... (read in full...)
She's too close to my ex!
Q. I met a guy about a year ago. He and I started dating we broke it off 6 months into the relationship and remained friends. One of my best friends met him around the same time. We both met him through the guy she was dating and interested in at the ...
A. 30 December 2010: First off, your girlfriend and your ex are not the sharpest tools in the shed. What they are doing is insensitive and bound to lead then into troubles. But. . . .
Do you have a right to find it inappropriate? That is a strange question... (read in full...)
I cannot orgasm from intercourse. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. I just want to know if something is wrong with me because I cannot orgasm when we are having intercourse. It just does not happen, it only happens when he uses his tongue or finger. Does anybody know how to have an orgasm during intercourse?...
A. 29 December 2010: I disagree a little with AuntyEm,
Orgasm during intercourse is an achievable goal. Perhaps not full orgasm, (being a guy, I only know "there" and "not there"). There are some emotional benefits to orgasm during intercourse, especially simultan... (read in full...)
Should I forgive him for the flirty texts since he forgave me for my indescretions?
Q. I have been in a relationship for the better part of 3 years with a guy I absolutely adore. The beginning of our relationship was difficult- He is a social guy with lots of obligations (not sure if anyone has dated a drum line drummer but you would ...
A. 28 December 2010: SalineStained (interesting name),
I liked your subject line a lot now that I have read it all I'm not sure this is the right response. But, I'm going to go ahead because it is true and you may find it helpful.
In order to be in a relationshi... (read in full...)
How can I look hot and sexy when people keep mistaking me for a cute little girl?
Q. This is probably kinda shallow but i'm having a hard time trying to be sexy. People older than me tell me i'm a pretty girl but i always think they're lying. the thing is i wanna be sexy or hot and i'm more cute in a little girl way. i have a small ...
A. 28 December 2010: Ele,
1 Don't hang out the meat, you will only attract dogs.
2 The advice to dress professionally is right on target. Boots and band shirts say wannabe.
3 Swearing and dirty talk in public is not sexy.
4 Straighten out your attitude abo... (read in full...)
Will my daughters dad love his new baby boy more than her??
Q. hi everyone, i have question and would be grateful for any thoughts on it. my daughters dad and me split up when she was five months and she is now eleven and a half. her dad got married a couple of years ago and his wife fell pregnant. today she ...
A. 28 December 2010: All over the world parents have more than one child and they can love them both. Now, honestly I have a better relationship with some of my kids than I have with others. Mostly that depends on the kids and how they handle the relationship. Some ... (read in full...)
Can his mom keep us from living together?
Q. Im 15 and pregant by my boyfriend who is 16. I want us to live togather and he does too but his mom wont let him. Can she realy keep us from living togather? I think he should have a right to live with me and his baby. Also what would happen if he ...
A. 11 December 2010: This really is a legal question. And as so often is the case it varies from state to state. In my state he would have to live wherever his parent of guardian says, unless the same guardian had emancipated him. This is en forcible by law so he ... (read in full...)
My ex left me because I couldn't trust him
Q. My ex left me because I couldn't trust him. He would always give me reasons not to..he loved the attention from girls and would flirt with them constantly on facebook and we broke up the first time because he was not over his ex girlfriend. All of ...
A. 11 December 2010: I believe what you are asking is what to do next. The relationship was a mess, your life is a mess. You are 22 and not living where you want to and not working where you want to and not being with who you want to be with. It is time for you to ... (read in full...)
What if someday I turn into my abusive father?
Q. I feel like I'm typing to a damn therapist or something but here goes... When I was younger I had an abusive dad. He would whip me continuously with his belt whenever I misbehaved. Looking back though, I never really did anything that bad. He use...
A. 4 December 2010: Why is therapy not an option? If you got ran over by a freight truck, Would you try to treat it your self with a few band-aids? Would the Emergency room be "not an option?"
The first step on the road to healing is to admit that there is a pro... (read in full...)
I found out the guy I was dating was a registered sex offender
Q. HI. I just started dating this guy, when I found out that He was a registered sex offender. I found out through his ex mother in law that I happened to work with. When he was 15 he sexually molested his sister over a time frame of about 3 months.. ...
A. 4 December 2010: "since when?"
The ability to commit this crime is the definition of mental illness.
FA... (read in full...)
Am I a virgin even though I use tampons?
Q. I have never had sex, no penis have enter my vagina, but I have used tampons so my question is am I still a virgin???...
A. 4 December 2010: Cerberus,
I see how that could be taken differently. What I was implying is that virginity is more a state of mind. There are so many rules out there. I would certainly agree that if you want to be a virgin then the use of tampons would no... (read in full...)
Am I a virgin even though I use tampons?
Q. I have never had sex, no penis have enter my vagina, but I have used tampons so my question is am I still a virgin???...
A. 3 December 2010: Do you want to be a virgin?... (read in full...)
I found out the guy I was dating was a registered sex offender
Q. HI. I just started dating this guy, when I found out that He was a registered sex offender. I found out through his ex mother in law that I happened to work with. When he was 15 he sexually molested his sister over a time frame of about 3 months.. ...
A. 3 December 2010: Just a few thought after revisiting this thread.
I'm having some trouble with the math here.
I don't believe in putting people down.
While I am willing to forgive a person for this particular crime, I'm not going to trust them into any situ... (read in full...)
I found out the guy I was dating was a registered sex offender
Q. HI. I just started dating this guy, when I found out that He was a registered sex offender. I found out through his ex mother in law that I happened to work with. When he was 15 he sexually molested his sister over a time frame of about 3 months.. ...
A. 2 December 2010: Yes he is doing the right things, taking classes, trying to be in an age appropriate relationship, but it is still dangerous. More so to you due to your history. I honestly believe that you made the right choice when you cut him out. The chances ... (read in full...)
I'm a girl who'd rather watch tv than have sex. How do I get him to be passionate???
Q. my bf and I have been dating for 3 years. Lately I'd rather watch tv than have sex. He's the one who says he wants to do it, but he expects me to instigate it since he pays the rent. I want music in the background and he could care less. How do I ...
A. 16 November 2010: Hello again Kits,
Thanks for following up. Now we have more information to work with.
The honey moon is over. To tell the truth you are both a bit bored with the sex at this point. His sex drive is down to hormones and habit, and yours... (read in full...)
I'm a girl who'd rather watch tv than have sex. How do I get him to be passionate???
Q. my bf and I have been dating for 3 years. Lately I'd rather watch tv than have sex. He's the one who says he wants to do it, but he expects me to instigate it since he pays the rent. I want music in the background and he could care less. How do I ...
A. 14 November 2010: Kits,
His payment off the rent has nothing to do with sexual responsibilities. But, if you are comfortable with the assignment, there is no reason you can't do the initiating. I personally think it works out better if you share the duty.
... (read in full...)
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