A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My mother has a severe hoarding problem. It's always been an issue but for the past 14 years it's been a living hell. I clearly remember me and my relatives rushing to clean the first floor of the house for my birthday party when I was 10. I'm now 23, almost 24, and that's the last time I can remember being able to walk through any of the rooms without difficulty. As things are now I often fall trying to climb over the piles of my mother's junk. Many problems have come from this: neither toilet works, the roof is leaking and had resulted in water damage to the second floor, mold has been growing due to the leak and now there are mice. No one can come in to fix anything. All of these factors have had an affect on my health, I've developed asthma and have gotten a cold three times in the past two months. It's an absolute living hell to live in this house, but I was laid off from a high-paying job and have no choice at the moment. I've contacted APS about this issue, but they said I'm responsible for the condition of the house because I'm an adult, even if she's the one clearly at fault. CPS obviously won't help because I'm over 18. I don't know what I can do, it's as if I have no other options. I've tried cleaning the house myself but aside from the mess being disgusting and overwhelming, my mother freaks out and goes through the trash, often bringing most of it back in. It's ridiculous, considering she constantly tells me I'm responsible and should take care of it if it bothers me that much. It's impossible to accomplish anything. A friend suggested contacting A and E but honestly, I can't deal with the embarassment. Her car is in the same condition, totally taken over with crap, and just going somewhere with her in it is absolutely humiliating. I can't imagine how it would be to have this problem exposed and broadcast across the country for everyone to see. Please help me, is there anything I can do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): HiThis Compulsive hoarding could actually be a mental health condition... squalor syndrome..i would check it out..There is help for her...and you need it because if she has this condition, it will get far worse the older she gets.Please check it out and at least you may feel better because you understand a little about it...if this is what is wrong with her...get help.Spunky monkey.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 January 2011):
 I kind of understand where you are coming from. My grandmother was hoarder. My dad is a serious pack rat. I even have some seriously weird things in my basement. But, never to the extent you are talking about. Actually, the house was often very clean in appearance. It wasn't until my grandparents deaths that we discovered how much "stuff" was nicely stored away. I know the standard answers for de-cluttering. I suspect you have found them already. They won't work unless your mom agrees to simplify her life. If you can find a crack in her armor perhaps you can help her to change. Start by trying to find something she hasn't used for several years and see if you can get her to let it go. Or, try for some territory. No storing her stuff in your room. then bathrooms then kitchen, then public areas. But that is not likely to happen quickly, not quick enough to get someone in to fix things.
You are going to have to swallow your pride and get those toilets fixed. You have two choices, there. If you are handy at all you can set a new toilet yourself. It is not a technically difficult job and it will save you a lot of money if you can do it or get a friend to do it. Having your own potty will help you feel much better about yourself. Mom too. Roof repairs are trickier. I don't know what kind of roof you have, but usually the work is done from the outside. If the roof repairs aren't done the cluttered house problem will go away as the house will be destroyed. Of course Mom may try to move all the clutter. Acting to save the house is very important. More important than being embarrassed. If there is money at all to do it that should be the next priority.
Mom might never be completely cured of he hoarding, but you love her and care about her, so you can do your best to help her get to a livable situation.
FA
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