A
female
age
30-35,
*raduate11
writes:We are a young couple in love, hes more than likely proposing this summer. We are the cute high school sweethearts. I chose to go to a Christian college for 9 months, which means no communication with him. You spend your entire time focused on God and what His plan is for your life... My boyfriend is so utterly upset about it, it makes me not want to go. We love each other so intensly and I know some seperation will be good for him and myself. To work on our personal relationships with God. I want this. He doesn't. Both of us argue about it and I get in a foul mood because he acts like this is all about him. We hardly ever fight... But the last FOUR days, we fight, consistently. I started a birth control to control my periods because they kill me. And I understand there are mood swings, but its not just me, he snaps at me, and I snap back... I have no clue what to do. I dont wanna hear that we are too young...because we aren't! my grandparents were married at 18, and theyve been grand for 57 years.... We are soul mates, but how can I put up with him when hes acting like this. Its both our faults but rather than take it like a man, he acts like a beaten puppy for me yelling back! And the fights are pointless crap. What on earth can I do?
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 February 2011):
 I guess I just don't understand what a "Christian College" is. Obviously not a 4 year program, or a coed university.
Aside from that, which is mostly my curiosity, it seems as if you two are, to use the biblical term, unequally yoked. If he depends on you for everything, even for everything spiritual, it is going to put a lot of stress on the relationship.
He is resentful of the time you spend on anything other than him. He is resentful of the time you spend in religious pursuits because he isn't involved. Your world may revolve around God, but his revolves around you.
You think that these fights are petty things (pointless crap) they are actually him trying to communicate to you. To him this college is a "big deal". He can't seem to get you to understand that you are taking away his center in order to bring you two closer.
I'd suggest you talk to your grandmother about this. See if she thinks this will improve your relationship with him. Or if she sees you two as soul mates.
FA
A
female
reader, Graduate11 +, writes (9 February 2011):
Graduate11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe doesn't know. I guess it's up to him to bathe in a relationship with God and work it out. He tends to depend on me for almost everything. His walk with God had practically deminished by the time we met. And I'm not bragging about it, it just happened that way. I'm going to be going because it's what I'm called to do. He knows that, I guess it's too much to handle when u lose ur source of everything.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 February 2011):
What is he planning to be doing for those nine months so he will be spiritually equal with you when you get back? What else are both of you doing to prepare to start a family?
FA
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (9 February 2011):
 It sounds like he has some infatuation mixed in with his love for you. Because of that he has an intense need to be near you in every way. This is not healthy, and I think you know this. That doesn't mean anything too bad, or that you shouldn't be together, it is just something that has to be dealt with. I cannot suggest strongly enough that you encourage him, very delicately, to try and understand the real reasons behind this need that he has.Consider the following phrase:I have an intense need for constant and/or unconditional positive regard from my partner.That statement is a description of a love addict, as described by Pia Mellody in her book, Facing Love Addiction.I really suggest you buy the book and give it to him, or agree to read through it with him. Perhaps even do this while you are away at college. Although she is not writing the book from a particular religious standpoint, one of the main ideas that she gets across is that love addicts (which I am suggesting he may be) have an intense need to be enmeshed with their partners. What they are seeking from their partner cannot ever be provided, because it is too much for a human being to provide. It is only a higher power, which in your case would be God or Jesus, that can truly provide this unconditional love that a love addict seeks. Some of this may not make sense, but if you check out the book and read a summary of the ideas, it may make a lot of sense for your situation.I know this website is intended for others to provide their personal advice, but I had very similar expectations in past relationships. And reading that book really helped me understand that that fear of being apart from a partner, and that intense need for closeness at all times, is unhealthy and insatiable. He will never feel fulfilled unless he is extremely close to you. And it would be incredibly profitable (I think) for both of you if he learned how to handle such a break in a constructive way.There is also the inevitable likelihood that he fears being apart from you will weaken that incredible bond that you share right now. As impossible as that may seem. As long as he is close to you and in constant contact he can prevent any distance from forming in the relationship.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 February 2011):
 When you're your age (and his), 9 months seem like a very long time. Particularly if there will be no contact at all. You know, I'm not him, and still I wonder why it just has to be that way.
Perhaps he feels that you won't be returning to him after those nine months.
It seems that his being angry won't change a thing, so I guess all you can do is go anyways, and hope he won't get too angry.
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