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age
30-35,
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writes: I have been dating my fiance for four years now. And theres this small little issue that KILLS me, and grosses me out and i dont know how to tell him without it hurting his feelings. I'm really embarassed to talk about this, but...something needs to be done!My fiance is 23 years old, and his butt stinks. I try to hint around in the shower and playfully be like "remmeber to wipe your booty!" and he laughes and shuts the curtain. Theres times where we will get in the shower together, and we playfully wash eachother, and i'll just to scrub his butt. hahahahahah without being to obvious of course. I wear boxers around the house (that I have bought for myself), and sometimes he will mistaken them with his, and when i see him in mine..whenever hes not looking, i throw them away. Its disgusting! I can't take it! Even when he gets out of the shower, i can still smell it. Hes a very hairy guy, and he had some kind of skin disease in thepast where he had to get his sweat glands removed from under his arms, so..he sweats twice as much every where else.whenever he does a number 2, I always say "Did you wipe your butt good?!" playfully...b/c..again, i dont want to hurt his feelings! What should i do?! I've hinted around, i've tried cleaning it myself.....i just don't know what to do anymore!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): THe Japanese toilets with the jet are not a bidet. THey are a regular toilet with a waterjet attachment. Many also inject fragrances and disinfectants. I think most of us on DC know what a bidet is. And bidets were not developed to wash after periods. they were developed becuase of the lack of modern plumbing and running water in many European nations in teh 20th century and prior. It has long been customary for Europeans to bathe their genitalia and anus, but not the rest of their body on a regular basis. If you lived there, you would know this.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): Okay....to answer a couple of questions. One, the toilet you people are talking about is known as a "bidet". It is a cleansing toilet only, first used to wash females after their 'periods'. It is widely used in France...I believe they are mandatory there, but don't quote me on that. It is indeed available here in the USA, but is not widely known about or used. (I do have two in my home alongside my regular toilets).
Tell your boyfriend his butt has an odor and teach him about 'wipes' or the cup of water remedy spoken about from above. Good luck to you.
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 The Japanese have this right. Their toilets include a water jet wash! I want to buy one for my house.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilets_in_Japan
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): I think you need to be sure you know what is causing the smell. If it is from poo and not wiping enough, he should be wiping better, using baby wipes or showering after a case of mud butt (I do and I am NOT a metrosexual or have OCD). It's just common sense and hygienic. If it is a case of BO from sweat or something, it may be medical or diet related, and needs more looking into. I know how you feel. I've been with my fiancee for 2 years and I am still afraid to tell her that her pee runs into her ass crack and stinks a bit. Its not bad enough to tell her really, but in your case, it sounds like you need to have a talk.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): this again raises the argument which one is better, the oriental way of using water to clean after big toilet or the western way of using toilet papers.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Change the toilet paper in the house for the moist towelettes. Buy antibacterial body wash for him and his own scrubber. BTW I agree With anonymous female that paper is not enough. I wish our culture would catch up. You would never wash your hands with a dry paper towel. On a side note on of my wife's employees had excruciatingly bad body odor. I mean if he was in the car you rolled down the windows. We all figured it was some medical problem, because he said he showered. Turned out all he washed was his butt. FA
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female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Stop "playfully" telling him.
Come out and directly tell him that his hygiene offends you and you are turned off sexually.
If he still does nothing about it...put up with it or break up with him.
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male
reader, Roshii  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Well picture this, how would you feel if you had a smelly bum and your partner of 4 years didn't tell you?
In fact would you want to know?
I know i would, and after 4 years you should be comfortable to mention stuff like that, i mean how would you feel if he let you go out and about with a smelly bum?
I would mention it to him with out mentioning how long its been there for, Chances are (if he's not aware of it) That it could be something else. And if it is he should get it checked out more so if he's scratching at it more often then a male tends to :).
Honestly this is one of those things that's going to get harder to mention the longer you leave it.
(I'm concerned about it being something else mainly because you've said you've cleaned it yourself and the smell is still there?)
This could very well be something that's out of his control.
The longer the potential issue is there the worse it could get. Mention it in a kind way. That you've been noticing this smell and you think its coming from him.
He might be embarrassed at first, but if its something medical then he's going to thank you afterwards.
I hope this helps
Roshii
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female
reader, banditsmom1124 +, writes (26 July 2011):
 has he tried like baby wipes? i have coordination issues and stuff so sometimes its hard for me to wipe but since i started using wipes im alot cleaner.
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female
reader, GardenLover +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I can only say how I would attempt to address the issue... frame it as a genuine concern for his health and your long-term attraction to him. Eventually it could start eating away at your relationship, particularly sexual and taking your focus away from his positive qualities. I would express concern about a recent change in intensity (a recent change as opposed to having to say that you haven't said anything for a long time) and ask that he see a doctor. This may inspire him to investigate the problem further whether he actually gets a check-up or not. I had good luck with this approach on my boyfriend's teeth/breath a couple years back. Now he is proud of his smile, I'm not turned off by his breath, and he has said he is happy I had him go. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2011): Oh this is classic. If you guys have been together for four years wouldn't that give you enough time to actually be honest and straight-forward in everything you do. I have a bf, and before he met he never use to wash his butt after he does the number 2. But one day I asked him, how do you clean yourself about you do number 2. He tells me he use lots n lots of toilet paper. In my culture toilet paper is not ENOUGH. So I was straigh up with I told him grab a cup fill it with water, wet your hands put some soap and WASH that butt! And honestly, we were just 1 week together at the time. Ever since then he feels icky if he doesn't wash. Its not about hurting your fiancee feeling. You say what you need to say, if he takes it personally then that his problem. You know what they say "till they dont smell it they'll deny it." how about try getting your boxer that he wears and make him smell it.!! its classic. My bf does that to me with his socks when he comes home from work. Its hilarious! he does it to my lil daughter too. We just say it stinks in a serious way then laugh then we stop laughin and we tell him "seriously it stinks" Thats all you got to do tell him straight up or you live with the smell! Hope things work out!
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (26 July 2011):
 If it's this big of an issue for you, then you're just going to have to come out and say it. Any way you decide to say it is going to offend him to some degree, but the truth hurts. Don't be afraid to be honest when it comes to this.
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female
reader, Bobbyjo +, writes (26 July 2011):
 you're just going to have to bite the bullet, look him in the eye and tell him straight that he smells. Like you said, youve done everything else. Theres not alot more you can do.
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