A
female
age
41-50,
*1llybabes
writes:Ok I know this may sound strange, but my new boyfriend is still in touch with his ex- she is much much older than him and has no family etc so he feels sometimes obliged to keep in-touch and make sure she is ok ( they were together for 8 years) This is understand, as I am similar with my ex too.However he told me last night that he wants to get some things back from her. I asked what. He has a thing for shoes and over the years has bought her many pairs. Some quite rare and expensive that he had brought in from USA. He said that he did not want her having the pleasure of wearing them with someone else now they are not together and wants them back to sell on ebay. ( there break up was his decision btw)How should I feel about this? I am quite confused. Should I be worried about this. As its quite a new relationship Im a little insecure. We are both only in our second relationship so I really have never had to deal with the ex thing before.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): That's so tacky!! You can't give a gift and then expect the other person to give it back at your whim... then it's not a gift is it.
Second hand shoes' wouldn't bring much anyway so what's the point? If it was something substantial like a car or similar I might understand but shoes? Really?
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (7 July 2011):
 I do understand his emotional attachment to the shoes, but it is too much. It is not a good sign that he can not freely give. He also seems to want too much control. I would be worried about those personality traits. Your feelings of confusion are understandable. Many people upon dissolving a relationship find that they still want to control the partner that they didn't want to keep. This is frequently the cause of hours spent in court wrangling about child custody, much to the detriment of the children.
As far as the etiquette regarding gifts. If I were his ex and he asked me to return those gifts, the appropriate answer would be, "you are welcome to buy them when I list them on ebay." Of course from your point of view, if he buys them dump him (sure proof he is mooning over her). As he instigated the breakup, he has no right to ask for a return of gifts. He also has to live with the possibility that she may continue to use them.
FA
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