A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, so im 16 and im dating my brothers friend who is 23. We are very close and have no secrets. He wants to marry me and have me live with him once I turn 18. He has this issue down south and he gets an extremely unbearable pain if he doesnt have sex once in a while because of a buildup. (its true)I hate having him go through this pain, and I want to be intimate with him (yes i know even though its illegal) but I wont let myself and I dont no why. I dont no if its just because Im a virgin and i dont want it to be taken so suddenly yet, or if im afraid, especially with being caught. any opinions? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 July 2011):
 Hey OP,
You are bringing out my protective side. I guess you are bringing out everyone's. I was just looking to see what kind of family support you have. You only mentioned your brother. Is he as old as your Friend? Have you talked to him about this? If you can this is something you should discuss with your parents.
FA
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 July 2011):
 oh sweetie.. go to that appointment and don't let him fool you...
get the name of the doctor and his specialty and what his credentials are....
this boy (because even at 23 he's acting like a CHILD) is playing on your feelings for him, your innocence and naivete and hoping you will just think he's "all that and a bag of chips" and give him what he wants.
Not only did I date boys like that, I have raised two sons both OLDER than your bf... both raised to better respect women too...
do not give into his pleadings/demands/tricks..... tell him you would be happy to go to the doctor with him and get the info from the doctor... IN PERSON...
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A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (8 July 2011):
 Don't believe him!!!! I was told a similar thing by just such a douche!!! all I said was "I am sorry you feel that, you can touch yourself. Oprah said that in her show about guys that have blue balls" I know that was lame but I played dumb and it worked, so just tell him that.And Angel Dlite is sooooo right! HOW DID HE GET IT SOLVED WHEN HE WAS WITH OTHER GIRLS????? he is used to the sex! and wants it from you because you are a virgin!... You know, a few times, I have come to this website, asked for help and end up trusting my heart, NOT MY REASON, or the wise advice of the aunts... and guess what I HAVE BEEN HURT!, We are people who don't know you, but together we have at least 100 YEARS of experiences!!! .... HONEY, i don't mean to sound like your mom, but HONESTLY!!!! he wants the prize! and he's not going to be the only one! ... the road to prince charming is HARD!!!! i am currently dealing with my ex, who wants to keep using me for sex and once again, if I could JUST TELL YOU what he did between yesterday and today!!!!.... guys will do ANYTHING!!!! ANYTHING for sex! trust me! I was a virgin til 22 and even now at 23, my own ex keeps wanting to pull rubbish talk to get his way....
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 "guys i understand you think its bullshit, but he even said he'd take me to a doctor appt. with him to prove it"
so, has he taken you to this appointment with him yet?? to me the problem here isn't just the fact that a 23 year old is dating a 16 year old and wants to have sex, this is obvious. but its all the bullshit he is dressing it with - the ball ache that unfortunately he thinks is YOUR job to help him out with
are you sure he definitely definitely wants to marry you? i am doubtful - maybe this is just another one of his lines to get sex. i presume then that he has been getting pretty regular sex from previous partners - or else how is he coping with the agonising 'blue balls'? (given that he cannot get himself off) - how has he been coping? what has has he been doing in the past? you need to make it your business to find out coz why should you waste your virginity on a horndog
x
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (8 July 2011):
 Extremely unbearable pain... sorry, but I think you should call his bluff and go to a doctors appointment with him.
It's bull crap. Straight up. Medically speaking, he hasn't got a leg to stand on. And if he can't get himself off by masturbation after knowing his body for 23 years, then you, as a virgin haven't a chance in hell of getting him off.
But that's absolute crap.
He can get himself off.
You can get him off.
... and that's exactly what he's hoping for.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Oh and one more thing. You don't have to be intimate with him if you don't want to and you don't have to figure out why. You're still young and have plenty of time for physical intimacy, no rush. It's a really bad idea to do something before you are CERTAIN you are ready. You're not certain, no big deal, no rush, no need to do it.
If he has a problem with that, that's HIS problem, and not yours. Stick to your limits and don't do anything that you will regret later in this area. Life's too short to spend it kicking yourself around the block because you did something you KNEW you weren't ready for. Okay?
In other words, you have my permission to say 'no.'
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (7 July 2011):
The male body will take care of such things if there hasn't been an ejaculation within some internally specified length of time. These are called 'nocturnal emissions' more commonly known as 'wet dreams.'
You are not responsible for his lack of masturbatory success. You are not required to provide hand jobs, blow jobs or anything else. Just don't tease him by spending a great deal of time in close physical proximity.
Make sure the doctor has all the right credentials with licenses and everything. I'd be fascinated to hear the doctor tell YOU that you need to give your boyfriend stimulation in order to reach ejaculation. That would be a VERY entertaining doctor's visit. Please tell us how it goes!
Your guy is, alas, full of it. But he's not the first and certainly won't be the last guy to try that on a young and naive girl. "Oh, the pain, the pain!" If that were true the A&E would be full of young men doubled over in pain. Just avoid too much physical intimacy for the time being. And don't worry, if he can't achieve ejaculation by his own hand, his body will take care of it for him by involuntary nocturnal seminal emissions. In other words, he will ejaculate while he sleeps. No problem!
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A
female
reader, carebare  +, writes (7 July 2011):
If he can't get off with masturbating, he's doing it wrong and at 23, I just kinda feel bad for him. You know what they say. Practice makes perfect :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys i understand you think its bullshit, but he even said he'd take me to a doctor appt. with him to prove it. and he cant fully get off with masturbation so he doesnt do it. he knows i wont give it to him so you dont have to worry.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): a load of rubbish he is spinning.
he is subtely presurising you to have sex with him. what a jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!
the only pain he should be feeling, is when you knee him in his bloody groin!!!!!!!!
dont be a fool kid, this guy is tricking you.
my then bf tried something similar way back, way back.........
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): "Blue Balls" are a legitimate condition, and can be quite painfull, however as everyone else said, it can be relieved by masturbation. Feeling horny is NOT painfull, just an urge, and he's feeding you a line to get you to give in.
If you're giving him "Blue Balls" by making out and rubbing over his pants or shorts, and then stopping, that can be very uncomfortable (painfull), but you don't need to give out your virginity to solve it. You can tell him to go 'take care of it', or you can just give him a handjob or BJ. Save your virginity for someone you really care about who doesn't feed you a line of bullshit.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 July 2011):
ROFL! what a crock of dog poo.
I'm sorry hon men do not get pain that needs to have sex to be relieved. he can jerk off. NOT a problem.
he is handing you a line.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Pretty much what everyone else is said. There's no such thing as this pain, and if he's feeling horny, he can masturbate. Simple as that.
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A
female
reader, carebare +, writes (7 July 2011):
Honey... There's really no such thing as pain "down south" that only sex can relieve. If he's got blue balls, he can jerk it and if he doesn't like doing that, it's his own issue. Like everyone else has been saying, it's one of the OLDEST lines guys will use to have sex with you.
Please don't feel pressured by his "condition" because it isn't real. If and when you do decide to lose your virginity or even do anything sexual at all, do it on your own terms.
All the best
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Do not have sex with someone out of guilt. You're not ready and he needs to respect that. The blue balls excuse is so old! Don't fall for that one, he's just making it up. He doesn't feel any pain down there, he just wants to have sex.
First off, if he did have some kind of need to release there's no reason it has to be through sex. He can just go take care of himself. Problem solved. Second off, the only time "blue balls" as it's called can even happen is when the guy gets close to orgasm for a long time and there's no release. I've only heard of this truly happening ONCE and it was under extreme circumstances after he'd already had sex.
Wait until you're truly ready. Don't do anything you're not ready for to try to fix something. Next time he tries this line just point him to the bathroom.
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (7 July 2011):
 Mate, errr I mean girly, he can jerk off to relieve this pain he speaks of you know. Don't believe any more crap that he tells you. If he starts complaining like a idiot again, tell him to start jerkin the gherkin or get lost.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (7 July 2011):
 He's feeding you one of the oldest stories in the book. The 'buildup' can be relieved thru masturabtion. Don't let him guilt you into sex until you are ready and it is legal.
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A
male
reader, Boy X +, writes (7 July 2011):
He does not get any pain. He is lying so he can have sex with you. If he had pain he could just masturbate
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (7 July 2011):
 First, you're being fed a very, very old line. He doesn't get "unbearable pain". He may feel unbearably horny, but that never damaged anyone. He's trying to guilt you into having sex. That's a very slimy tactic, and reflects badly on his character.
Your subconscious is telling you you're not ready. Listen to your gut -- it's giving you good advice.
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A
female
reader, la petite belle +, writes (7 July 2011):
Blue balss huh?... I am so sorry... in my experience (I lost my virginity a year ago when I was 22)... and trust me!!!! GUYS WILL SAY THE STUPIDEST THINGS and will do DUMB DUMB stuff because they want your virginity. i had a guy trying to get me drunk while I was in his fraternity house, if it wasn't because his frat brother was my friend also and he took me away I don't know what would've happened.
Blue balls are a choice!!!! if he knows you do not want to have sex then he should NOT start getting all sexed up!!!.It is illegal BECAUSE AT YOUR AGE, us girls are still developing ourselves!!! I am sure that most ppl here will tell you the same, why? because we are old and we have learned (through good and bad experiences) that it's better if you wait until you are older, you are too young honey! and I am afraid he's using the fact that you are too young to his advantage!... trust me!, if I truly could tell you all the things that guys would try to pull off once I told them I was a virgin! it was like a prize (it literally was!, one frat house had the "trophy" of having slept with the most virgins... SAD! but it really was true)...
Please wait.... that would be my advice.... wait until YOU WANT IT, UNTIL YOU AND ONLY YOU ARE READY!... do not give into his stupid games, becuase I HEARD THAT excuse too!!!!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 July 2011):
 I'm not a doctor, but that sounds like a made-up thing to me. Even if it's true, is there some reason he can't masturbate to deal with it?
See if you can get him to talk to a doctor. Either the doctor will explain that it's a fake condition, or if it's a real one, he'll fix it. Seriously, at most it's probably just blue balls, he can deal with it.
Lastly, check the age of consent in your state. It's not 18 everywhere in the US. If you can confirm he's being honest, and you're above the age of consent, do what you want. Otherwise, stick to the law.
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