A
male
age
30-35,
*ichiel
writes:I feel like i failed in my life because i never had a girlfriend. I never had one. I had a bad childhood, never had any friends at school. Only have a couple of friends now. I'm 21 now, I had spend my night watching porn, playing videogames and watching movies. It was my way to escape reality of school mentality and normal teen life. Didn't leave my room much.Because i had no social life i spend all my time studying and now i making around 2800 dollar a month.It just my first year i been working. Have 30.000 now. My parents are building a house and i can move in and pay rent if i want to leave my parents home.I happy my parents doing all that effort for me.They so happy they having a son that having a successful carreer. At only 21 years old.My job is an antisocial profession. Not many people wanting to do it; its 12 hour shifts 6 day's a week.When i having time off i go out drinking with my mates. My mates are the opposite off what i am; i'm a geek and they muscled beach boy's; they surrounded by girls. They did a lot to help me find a girl even tried passing left overs.But it not helping even the dumb, slutty girls can sense i having no social skills what so ever. They can see that i having a depressive mentality. And most know i have some history, the guy that never had any friends during highschool.But i 21, i want things to like sex, and love and kisses. And spending time with girls doing fun stuff.I believed it would change if i just tried hard enought. buying presents for girl i like, you know.The people that i work with, i can sense that they like me, not totaly normal; it hard for me to accept that i never be a normal guy that can go out and just be able to talk to a girl without her going the other way.Lately i have changed, i have become even more anti-social. I have become angry off so many things. What i missed out, i mean other guy's already had some relationships.Because i don't think things gonna change. i had to accept that i will never have the things i wanting. And have to be happy with how my life is.I been working even more now. I don't try hitting on girls anymore. I just have sex with prostitutes.But a prostitute isn't cheap; for quality it costing 90 dollars for a half hours with an 18-19 year old girl. I tried older but could get an erection. I know people not gonna aprove of what i doing but i not getting much satisfaction out off life working and spending time with my mates. I planning on moving out, i love my parents, and my family i don't wanne hurt them. But they only making me feel bad, asking why i still single, it extra painfull for me at home now my younger sis having a boyfriend and they kissing in the house. Making me feel more depressed.When you depressed, or you having a hard time you not wanting to see happy people a lot, normal people won't understand this.I living off lose assignemts. The closer to the city the more work. I wanne have sex with a prostitute once every three day's. so with a wage off 2800 dollar i'm gonna look for a 1 bethroom studio with a small shower, a toilet and a sink. You know like a prison cell. I just wanne low cost place to live so i don't have to pay more than 200 dollar rent, and i don't have many other expenses.I still gonna have 2600 dollar left, i think 400 for food, electricity, not gonna have tv; gonna eat cheap stuff all day; only drink water. i mean really cut my expenses so i having 2000 dollar a month left to pay for my prostitute addiction.that my future plans. Being a person lacking social skills and interaction with girl skills. i mean i don't feel like a loser when i having sex with 18-20 year old girls every three day's. I still living at home now and i having this life now for over 3 months. My parents are verry happy i'm finally happy, i mean they seeing me smile, and shine more, if only they knew the reason. I don't wanne tell them what i planning to do. i'm gonna lie and say i wanne live in the city for a while; in a cheap place to save extra money and be closer to work.But i just gonna work, work and work even harder;so i having the money to fuck every 3 day's and continue that lifestyle for ass long is i possibly can.I thinking that gonna be the best i'm gonna get out off life. What you guy's thinking?
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cheap, depressed, erection, I work with, kissing, living at home, money, muscle, my ex, never had a girlfriend, porn, prostitute Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2011): Just stop making excuses.Step up and be a real man.Go to the gym. That's what you need right now. Build your confidence and focus on yourself (outside of the career).Google "Stronglifts". This will get you strong in a few months if you are dedicated.But sir, trying to buy your happiness with money will not work. Happiness comes from inside yourself. Buying things that make you temporarily happy will not keep you happy.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (12 July 2011):
Michiel, try not to see these posts as an attack on you personally. Not so long ago, whenever someone told me something that seemed like criticism, I would get in denial because I couldn't admit to myself that what I was doing may not be the best course of action. It's a form of insecurity.
After a while (and it took some time) I allowed myself to see my own mistakes and it made it easier to listen to criticism (and LEARN from it) because I wouldn't drown out their voices with my own thoughts. Sometimes I wish I would have gotten to that point sooner, that someone would have just walked up to me, cut the crap and say "WAKE UP!"
I'm just another poster on this site but I'm going to try to get through to you. You took the first step getting here. That's a good thing!
Now onto the situation:
You are not happy. Your posts show it. We might not be sitting face to face, but it's easily picked up from the context. This fun you're talking about isn't really fun at all, is it? I'm supposed to be reading about happiness, yet all that comes across (loud and clear) is misery.
Some depressed people turn to calorieladen comfort foods and get obese. You deal with it differently: you shut yourself off from the world and from people. If your friends are only good for drinks, they're not your friends. Maybe they are, but you're pushing them away and alienating them from you. At this rate, in a few months you will have nothing left but the cash in your pocket and the sex puppets in your house.
I can tell you where you'll be a few years from now, but I don't think I have to. Do you really want to keep going down this path?
This is not fun. Fun through videogames, sex with prostitutes is like eating a meat substitute: it doesn't live up to the real deal. Fun is shared with other people, through friendship, loyalty and love. Doing things for eachother because you want to, not using it as a means to an end.
I used to say I did great on my own because I was bullied a lot. It was only after I experienced real friendship and love that I found out what I was missing out on, just because I sheltered myself. I'm 23 so if I can do that, so can you.
All you need is the courage to be objective toward yourself and the will to change.
You're too young to throw your life away like this.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (12 July 2011):
 You must be a hell of an actor if your parents buy your assertions that you are successful and happy. Perhaps you have missed your calling. It's NEVER too late to change!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Michiel,
I work in a medical environment. I have met many people with lots of physical problems because of a long history of prostitution.
Just because someone "looks clean" does not mean they are.
You are sleeping with these girls because you gave up on the rest of your life.
Sad. Very Sad.
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A
male
reader, Michiel +, writes (11 July 2011):
Michiel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn these last 3 month i been having sex with a lot off different young girls I felt better then all the years i lived before in my life.
The first year after highschool i took a year off. I went to party after party, joining swimclubs etc... Hoping to meet that special girl. But i feeling it was a waste off my time.
I feel i having a more satisfying live now, yesterday i had sex with an 18 year old girl. I felt, i felt like suddenly i felt happy. No depressive feelings.
I just wanne feel happy all the time, and shine.
I wanne have that feeling as much ass possible that i'm so happy, i could cry off hapiness.
I don't wan't a normal girlfriend anymore, i mean i'l end up in a divorce because i'm an unstable person. So it gonna cost me cash anyway. I don't wan't children.
I just finnally see these last months i have never been so happy. I even had a threesome. I mean i really can't get a girl. As hard as i try. I feel like a wasting my time going to clubs, hitting on girl buying them drink ending up with the black guy behind me taking the girl home.
I mean i feel like when i doing effort to win a girls hart i making a fool out myself. the girl clearely didn't want me i find out then and i have embarresed myself and so on.
The free time i have i wan't to have fun. And i willing to pay for fun. I wanne cut out off my life whaterver i can. I wanne be own my own, no family, parents etc... harrasing me. I just wan't my life to excist out off my work and after work sex with prostitutes. I liking that life more
then living the model life i feel foreced i have to follow.
I mean i only use my parents place to sleep. I wake up go to work, after 12 hour shift it dark, i eat, go to sleep do same thing again after theree day's i have sex with teen girl, my batery's are charged again. When i working hard and i had sex with beautifull girl after work. I realize over and over again it really worth it.
I really hated going out all the time trying to find loving girl. I like my mates but it only for drinking beer.
I mean it just fun. I know it costing money but i willing to work a lot for this lifestyle.
I don't wanne have any kids, i wanne life on my own when i having the cash to buy cheap place off my own in city, small appartment, room or something. i mean even with my prostitution addiction i still having a lot off money left to save. i mean not having to pay rent at home and all.
I feel i derserve the fun i having, even when i can't keept this lifestyle when i living alone it gonna be worth it for the month i did it.
I also thinking you having a wrong picture off prostitution. girls in saloons don't look any different from any normal girl, they not street hookers. i mean they look like normal neiborhood girls. they very clean.
Don't worry. thank to send reply
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 July 2011):
 Doesn't have much of a future. You are restricting many of the things you like. Sure your income will increase and you will be able to afford better food and TV. on the other hand sinking that 270 a week into a house could get you a much better future. Heck sinking it into a therapist would work better.
My advice if you are interested is to spend some of the very little time you have outside of work, working on yourself. First thing stop spending your energy on porn. You need real people. Stop going to bars, that's not your scene. Help people, volunteer. Make sure it is something that forces you to talk face to face with people. Also take up a non competitive sport. Golf, swimming, Frisbee, whatever you can do. Heck make balloon animals in the park. Sunshine and activity and people, that's my prescription.
FA
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 July 2011):
I think you are better off investing that money you use on hookers for some therapy on social disorders and depression.
Find out WHY you do choose this lifestyle.
Join some social groups and get out of your parents house.
Try meetup.com.
Find some balance in your life.
Finally, stop lying to your parents that you are successful and happy.
You have a decent income and no life because you expect life to bring it to your doorstep. Life is not going to deliver satisfaction, relationships, love, etc to your door.
You have no chance of having a successful relationship with anyone in the future if you want the easiest path.
And no, its not too late, but you are going to have to choose to put some real effort into getting to know people and gain some perspective on what a fulfilling life is.
Also, examine your attitude towards women in general..
Reread the following statement
"But it not helping even the dumb, slutty girls can sense i having no social skills what so ever."
It may not just be your social skills, it may be how you actually regard women!
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 July 2011):
I'll start with a disclaimer. On this site, people don't always sugarcoat it. I'm going to write what I thought based on your post. Use what you can, ignore what you can't. Now, onto your question: is this going to be the best you can get out of life?
Answer: No, I think it's a load of crap. There is ALWAYS more you can get out of your life. The moment you give up and let it be is when you someone should smack you over the head. You're just 21, not 50. Even if you were 50, I'd say it's never too late to take action and improve your life.
The bitterness is coming off your post in waves and I suspect this has to do with those surfing mates of yours who are living a totally different lifestyle. I bet they've had tons of girlfriends and because of your depression and the fact you work so many hours you only get to see glimpses of their lives. The positive facebook versions. Well guess what, behind that "oh we're having so much fun all the time" exterior is unhappiness as well. You just don't get to see it.
In my class at Uni, I was the only boyfriendless girl. But I got to hear all the drama from those that were in a relationship and I didn't feel they were happier than I was. Being single, I didn't have to deal with arguments, pregnancy scares, freedom issues, etc.
Stop being so desperate. Stop being bitter and stop feeling sorry for yourself. You will scare away any potential girlfriend by broadcasting these emotions. You might not be aware of it, but that will be the vibe you'll give off.
I know depression is a tough thing to battle, but I also know that some people let that stamp sink them like the Titanic.
Your family and friends are making it a problem because they chose to live their lives differently. You might as well start telling them they will fail at life if they don't get a degree like you. It's basically the equivalent of what problem they've been convincing you of that you have.
Also, why do you need to have sex every 3 days? You can jerk of to porn for free. I can tell you now that your future girlfriend won't be charmed if she finds out you hired a apartment for the sole purpose of having low key sex with prostitutes every 3 days. It's degrading and aside from sucking cash out of your wallet, it won't make you happier. It'll only make reality contrast that much more with your fantasy of having a loving girlfriend. Not to mention the STD risks...
Also, why exactly do you need a girlfriend? Is it because everyone else seems to have one? Is it for the sex? Why? You have to be very honest to yourself about your reasons for wanting a girlfriend and whether they're not driven by your desire to fit in. You seem very concerned about how you are viewed by others, so much in fact that you have convinced yourself you're not a loser because you have sex every 3 days. Most girls I know don't like track records like that. And if you have to be so low key about it, I suspect it's not something you proudly share in a pub either.
If you want to get more out of life you need to be clear to yourself what that entails.
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A
male
reader, Michiel +, writes (11 July 2011):
Michiel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI spend my young life watching tv, playing video games.
mad spelling mistake. It not night :p
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