A
male
age
51-59,
*oveCanada
writes:Good Afternoon,Couple of months ago i had posted a question on this forum and i got some great advice from folks here on site.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/do-girls-like-their-space-will-she-feel.htmlI have a followup question on the same girl. Things have progressed quite well with the Girl. Things have progressed far beyond my imagination. I finally told her last month that i am in love with her and want to have a future with her in it. She also said that she loves me a lot and that we are definitely a possibility. I asked her to introduce me to her friends and parents and to move to my city. She said that she wants to be closer to her family for little longer and will move in Dec of this year. Also she will only introduce me to her friends and family after i legally separate from my wife.I understand her concern and am willing to wait for a year or two and then propose her from marraige (after i legally separate from my wife).My question is this. I think i am more into her than she is into me. I get all emotional when i dont hear from her for couple of days. It seems she can handle my being away from me, much better than i can handle. Also sometimes their is a delay of couple of hours before she will text me back. It never happens from my side. We live in separate cities so texting is our prime contact. We see each other once a week. But then sometimes she texts me on her own and tells me she misses me a lot. I am wondering if we are bit different when it comes to our emotional needs. I need my women every moment, but she is OK to not have me around that much. I havent shown my need very openly to her, as i am afraid that she will think of me as clingy (that i kind of am) and may not like it.She is the most wonderful girl i have ever had. Also she is going places (currently enrolled in Nursing program, but plans to do lot more in future). She is young, driven single mom (25 years of age). I am 39 separated father of two. I am equally educated (an MBA) and successful (working for a major Airline and accumulated reasonable investments). Although i am no athlete, i am alright and feel good about my physique and health. But in my heart i feel , she is too good to be true. I am little insecure. She is not insecure about our relationship at all. She is always bright and with cheerful spirits. Although she works loads, take care of daughter, works out every day (she is 5'8 and 115 lbs) and goes to school and comes and meets me in a different city.Please advice how i should handle this. Should i let her know how i feel. Will she loose respect for me. I need someone who accepts me as i am. Will she grow into me and give me what i want. Do woman give more to a man after more period is passed. We have been seeing each other for 1.5 years (meeting once a week like clockwork) and things have become progressively better each week. As i said we now acknowledge that we love each other and we are planning our future together.My feeling for this girl is this, i may find other more pretty girl in future, but i will never find such a all around personality if i loose her.Please advice what should a guy like me do?
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female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 You're welcome.I wish you the happiness and joys life brings.
A
male
reader, LoveCanada +, writes (12 August 2011):
LoveCanada is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,Thanks for all the answers that i got for my question. It has been couple of weeks since i got the answers and had time to contemplate over them.They all are very thoughtful and inciteful. I have to confess that i could not keep my feelings to myself and talked with my gf about this. I basically told her that i missed her and find her unavailable most of the time. I also offered to make a slow end the relationship if she is not that into me. As any breakup conversation between a couple, this conversation did get very emotional.She mentioned couple of things that cleared the air between us. She said1. Couple of things had happened in her family, that added extra stress on her time and finances in the last month. She being who she is had kept them hidden from me so as not to bother me with them.2. She mentioned that she does not want to respond often to my text because that is how she is. Her love does not need constant reinforcement. Her love is internal and i should not worry about her affection for me. Here love for me is one constant in her life for past year.3. She said that she loves me and dont want to live without me. 4. That she is worried about me being married and wants me to put my life in order before asking her hand. I was surprised with the intensity of her emotions. I am happy to know that my feelings are being responded in kind. I feel that i have found my mate. I hope to marry this girl in few years. Thanks again for all your answers.
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A
female
reader, sweetiebabes +, writes (27 July 2011):
You have a very good relationship right now with this woman, do not spoil it with your insecurities.
You need to deal first with your wife, children and process your divorce. Women, in general, don't like to be second best. If you really love her, you will think of what is best for her and your divorce would make her feel more secure.
She is a strong woman with strength because she has a past that made her who she is today. A single Mom and struggling for her future and her child.
I know the feeling because I am a mother of 3 and separated. I struggled for my children's future and I busy myself planning what is best for me and my children, that is the priority being a single mother.
Organize everything in your life without hurting anyone. This is not only about you but you will be travelling a path wherein you will involve your children and hers as well.
Don't be selfish on this matter but know what is best for everyone.
Goodluck!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 Well, you asked for it,
With a 15 year age difference and an unresolved divorce she is going to be cautious. Other than that she speaks a different love language than you. She doesn't need the instant contact that you need. She prefers to give you a quality answer rather than an instant answer. You both should look into that. When you feel more secure you won't be so clingy.
FA
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 My friend, you give a whole new meaning to the words "Canadian Creeper " . Just kidding, but yeah, it's a matter of tastes, you'd be definitely too clingy and needy for some people.
Also because it's totally unnecessary. The relationship is preceeding well , you love each other, see a future together , and she is moving in with you soon- and to do that she also has to relocate. She must be actually into you for doing that. She is also never neglecting you or cold shouldering you- she is just living the busy life of a hard worker/single mom who also goes to school and tries to keep fit ( besides ,I guess, having to run errands , do chores , keep in touch with friends and family members etc. ) In all this , it may happen that she can survive without talking to you for a couple of days.
This is all about your insecurities and how you see yourself , not about the relationship.
Be honest and ask yourself how much of this longing and missing comes from sheer love and how much from a prominent yet vulnerable ego . It's like you always have to have the spotlight on you, always be reassured that you are wanted and thought of,always to be front and foremost in her thoughts , to deflect the threat to your ego and your fear of abandonment. Pardon me, I don't want to be mean, but this is the love concept of a 9 months old.
Yes, she may dislike that. Not at this stage of your relationship, probably now she would be moved and flattered by your anxiety - but if you keep it up out of the honeymoon stage, well, I think most mature, self confident women eventually would grow tired of your needyness.
"Some times she waits two hours before texting back " .Oh my - so,is the assumption that "if she really loved you" she would drop anything she is focusing on ( ... having mommy/child time, or working, or having a conversation with friends ..) to text you right back ? Uhm. Sweet and endearing on surface- and self centered at the chore.
Nothing wrong of course in telling her that you love hearing from her and that hearing from her makes you very happy and brightens your day - but I'd skip the segue " therefore you must text me back immediately, or call me everyday, otherwise I freak out ". Not cool and not sexy .
Work on your level of self confidence, rather than on her communication style ; all change begins from ourselves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): She may very well be the kind of person who will always need some space. But she may also be responding to the fact that you are not yet legally separated from your current wife, and may be holding back until you follow through and start divorce proceedings.
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A
female
reader, Ima FreAk!  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Hiyaaaaa,
Finally I've come to ya rescue!!!
Sounds like you have met your soulmate. Honestly the more you worry about things the more worse is gonna be trust me. For example I've started to learn how to drive (manual) and I freaked out and started to think about my next move which lead me to braking way to early! My instructor said don't think about driving just go with the flow and I did go with the flow and I'll tell ya I'm much confident now.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that she loves you, and you love her so you gotta stop thinking about wanting her all the time, obviously you can still think of her but don't be really needy because the more you think about it, the more you get insecure. Another point is that if she doesn't text ya after a while don't panic coz the more you do, the more your gonna be insecure, which ain't good in a relationship.
What I think might be best for you is just simply love her no less but just keep your mind occupy so you don't have these thoughts going into her head. Love each person equally and whether or not they love you as much back it doesn't matter coz at the end of the day you done your job which is loving as much as you can.
By occupying your brain I mean go and have a guy's night, watch movies, eat out with friends, party, I don't know what guys do but you know anything that you like and enjoy which keeps your mind busy. Ohhh and listening to music (very important!)
Don't worry and don't be bothered coz all you gotta do is just occupy your mind really and don't get to obsess but neverthless never love less (hey that rhymes!) :D
Hope my advice helps!
Good luck!
Lots of love,
Ima FreAk!
x
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2011):
 "I am wondering if we are bit different when it comes to our emotional needs."
I believe this is correct. People, to my experience, express their needs and desires differently. To me it is natural to reply right away, and to want to spend as much time as possible with the other person. The other person might not feel the same way. Exactly at what level they are to you might differentiate, but we will never know. All we can know is what the person says, and choose to trust it or not trust it. Actions speak louder than words, but then again, look at their pattern and not the individual action. Look at their actions as a whole.
People have different needs and express them differently as well. I think if a person misses you they will contact you... but some people are emotionally unavailable, or not able to express themselves, or find it hard to do what others consider "normal".
I have a friend for example who I have been upset with since he hardly ever contacts me. But he says he thinks about me loads, close to every day since we last argued (argued over him not contacting me), but for some reason he doesn't equate thinking about me to contacting me. He thinks about me, but remains silent. If it is true or not I don't know, but I choose to believe in him.
You say you aren't sure how she feels about you? Well, here's how I see it: "Although she works loads, take care of daughter, works out every day (she is 5'8 and 115 lbs) and goes to school and comes and meets me in a different city."
She cares abouts you tons. Accept that she cares. I think some times it is hard for us to let our guard down and allow ourselves to be happy. Allow yourself to be happy about this, and accept that she cares about you, rather than trying to find "proof" that she doesn't care.
Stick to her. Don't be needy, give her her space, but contact her when you feel like it. Don't pressure her, but let her know she is wanted and needed by you. She wants you as well, so don't let her go.
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