A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Would you be embarrassed if your husband did this?I was invited to a cosmetic party along with another friend. All participated have their husbands and kids there because we all knew each other. My husband also went along. Important info: the person who host it (who send out the invites) will get some money to purchase the cosmetics depending on the number of people attending. And so, by my attendance (and my friend's), the host, who is our mutual friend, will get some money to spend. Let's call this "commission".Towards the end of the party, my friend suggested we have another one but said her house would be too small. So, I offered to my house. Then I even offered to let her have the commission even thought I would be providing the venue. At this point, my husband overheard it and got very angry. He said the party would not take place at our house. And he proceeded to tell the cosmetic representative that what she had been saying was "bullshit" (in an aggressive tone). He then said he wanted to leave right away. So, he collected our child and left the house. I was left in the house feeling extremly embarrassed as a I gathered my child's belongings and then made a quick exit. Afterwards, he told me that he was fundamentally against the principal of such business, that the host is using his/her friends to make money. He said that what I paid for would have to be marked up to cover the commission, and so, I in effect paid for my friend's purchase. He didn't tell me this before we went to the party. Even though I think he has a very valid point, I still feel extremely embarrassed and angry. Would you feel the same? How would you make yourself forgive this?
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 He had a right to his opinion, but the WAY he expressed it in public was downright childish and mean!
He could have discreetly told you how he felt later at home and you could have canceled your own salesparty at your discretion.
I think he owes you and your freind/hostess an apology.
A
male
reader, Dreamland  +, writes (28 July 2011):
I totally agree with your husband's take on this pyramid type of scam; however, he should have been more diplomatic instead going off on some rant.
***I have first hand experience with a family member whose marriage ended up going south because of these ill fated multi-level marketing and person-to-person gimmicks. It's not worth it. Think about it for a second; real selling involves prospecting, probing for needs, supporting the needs analysis, and overcoming objections. Selling to friends and family is more manipulative because you often end up doing business out of guilt, or because you feel obligated.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 July 2011):
 I think an apology from him is a great idea. I don't think punishing your spouse is a good idea , ever. I don't see any reason why you can't book a party at your house. He and the kids don't need to be there. They will be happier away.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): He was very disrespectful to you! He could act in much more better and mature way and he didn’t! He could tell you later that he is not agree so you easily call your friend and let her know that for some reason you can’t offer your house for the party. Simple like that. Even if you didn’t ask him before, he didn’t have the right to embarrass you and put you down in front of your friends while he was able to act normally and without any anger cancel the party in your house later by letting you know and you could take care of it then. I couldn’t tolerate it if I was you. Seriously talk to him because he needs a punishment and a good lesson. He is lucky that I am not his wife!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses.
Fatherly Advice, you are spot on about his perspective (first few lines of your response). And I did go for the social aspect; I'm not keen on shopping at all.
I do agree with my husband wholeheartedly about not using friends to make money. And I do agree with all of you that he should have talked to me in private first, even if it was there and then.
I do admit my inconsideration for offering our house to host such scheming parties. (I saw it as a social gathering that I would have done without the cosmetic stuff anyway).
However, I still feel quite embarrassed about it, esp. when I think of the prospect of meeting these friends next time. I think it might make me feel better if my husband explained via email to my friends (only two) why he stomped off. (and i don't mind these friends knowing what we think about such parties).
Would that be over-reacting or too harsh on him? In fact, my husband had apologised to me. Should I let it go since he has heard me?
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 July 2011):
He was bored and annoyed at being stuck at the kids table. Unfortunately he made a mistake that many men make, he failed to see your offer as the social network that it was. Instead he focused on his discomfort, and exaggerated his reasons to avoid a similar situation in the future. A better way to handle this would have been to say, O K but next time let's not invite the men, we were really bored. Men waste plenty of money on their social gatherings, he needs to forget the marketing aspect and focus on the social part.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2011): Certainly, he should have maintained better self-control, and especially in a setting with friends around, or in any public setting. The best thing would have been to pull you aside and talk to you privately about the fact that he does not want a party in your home because he is against the business practices. If he really felt the need to voice his opinion, he could have done so politely and tactfully. There was no reason to get in the host's face.
Or, he could have just let you have your party, and let you know he would be against having another one in his home. Personally, I agree with your husband. I don't like being pressured by friends or family to buy products I don't necessarily need or want. But, that doesn't give me carte blanche to be rude. I would have been embarrassed by his behavior.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 July 2011):
 I think your husband acted boorish in front of your friends. He should have waited to tell you how he felt in private out of respect for not berating his wife in public. That part I can't excuse.
However, did you consult with him before offering your house and your resources to host a party? It is his house as well. I would never pledge my house for a sales party without talking to my husband first as common courtesy.
I also happen to agree with him in regards to using friends to make sales. I don't like doing that, and I always feel uncomfortable being invited to sales parties, which I've done many times. However, if my husband wanted to do it, I'd have nothing to say about it, and I'd respect his reasons. I'd just go take an outing first.
I see communication issues on both sides. I'm with you that the way he treated you in public was downright abominable. He should have waited until you got home and under no circumstance should he have made a scene.
You should have never committed your house or money without talking to him about what you wanted to do. Those parties do cost money, take time setting up and cleaning up, and should be a joint consent since you both live there.
Personally, while I agree that I don't care for sales parties either, your husband acted like you were planning a bank robbery and blew it way out of proportion. A sales party shouldn't be a cause for extreme moral outrage and public humiliation for his wife and child.
Trust me, instead of making a grand point about the evils of marketing to one's friends, he left a bad taste in your friends' mouth, which generated sympathy for you and empathetic embarrassment for his rude and callous outburst.
What he should have done is pull you aside after you got home and have his words with you then. IN PRIVATE. He is entitled to his opinion. He is entitled to take exception to you volunteering your house and resources in something that bothers him. He is NOT entitled to make you feel like shit in front of your friends.
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