A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 29 and he is 37. We have been together for just over 3 months but i'm already in love like never before. He was with his ex for about 12 years and a few years ago got her name tattooed on his neck in large letters. He has said he thought they would be together forever (obviously) but now he no longer believes in everlasting love I find it insulting to see her name in photographs of the two of us and sometimes when we are being intimate it ruins the moment for me (although I don't mention this to him). Its like she has branded him forever and he is damaged goods who can never truly love again. Maybe the tattoo is just reminding me of an issue that is deeper than just the tattoo but it definitely doesn't help. I have told him I don''t like it and he has mentioned getting it partially lazered / changed to say something else but he is taking his time actually doing anything about it. Am I being unreasonable to want it gone? Is it any of my business?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 July 2011):
 He had the tattoo when you started dating him, right? So you were able to look past it then. Why has it become a problem now?
Whatever blinders you had on then, can you put them back on now? Do you know what allowed you at that time to ignore the tattoo?
I'd tell him her name staring at you inhibits you during sex, but have some patience on the removal thing. A friend of mine had a tattoo removed at it took longer than 3 months to get it lasered away.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 July 2011):
 1) this is the reason I don't have ink, or recommend it.
2) 3 months vs. 12 years, pretty easy to figure this one out.
3) If it is her problem and not his, then she should just change her name?
4)The problem here is not the tattoo it is his statement that he doesn't believe in long term relationships. She wants a long term relationship he isn't offering it. That is why the tattoo disturbs her so much.
Getting rid of the tattoo won't solve the real problem so why do it.
FA
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (28 July 2011):
 Yep, you are being unreasonable and immature.
First, it is HIS body and his choice. Not yours.
Removal is time consuming, painful, and costly!
If you love him, then he is not damaged good or branded.
You are the one with the problem and it rubs you the wrong way. It is not hurting you, but you allow it to hurt you by obsessing on it.
If he really wants it done, he will do it. Right now, you have ONLY been with him 3 mos. Asking him to "do it for you" is quite demanding for a new relationship.
For now, love the person under the skin.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (28 July 2011):
 I can see why you would want him to remove it. You can't really make him get it removed but covering it up is a better option. I just don't see why people get names like that tattooed on them.
You have to understand that the removal process often leaves bad scaring with alot of pain so unless he truely wants to have it done I think that part of it is unreasonalble.
It may be his constant reminder of how he should never trust anyone like that again which is a problem. I think that you do have the right to ask if he would cover it up to show that he is not only there for you but that he has moved past his ex. A good tattoer would be able to do a picture over it. Suggest something to do with how he feels without the use of words.
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