A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After seeing this girl for about a couple months now, I have decided that things simply aren't going to work. Despite dropping hints, she still has no direction, drive or make any real effort to land a real job. Given that we are at the same age, she should be spending more of her time and efforts to that. Also, she is clingy, moody and fairly immature. She has not changed one bit at all since I met her. I don't have the time or patience, knowing that there is no future.The thing is, we both have never been with anyone before. It is obvious that she is really into me.... however, I am not really into her from an emotional standpoint. What would be the best way and approach to break up with her? I know that she is going to be very heartbroken, but this needs to be done. Simply put, she is not the person I am looking for when it comes to a relationship.As for staying friends, I don't think this will be possible. I'm leaning more towards cutting it off and moving on. There are other girls that are quite a bit more compatible and of greater interest in my life at this time, which are definitely long-term prospects. Sure, I look like the villain here, but I made my choice.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2011): Ok i get you wanting to break up with her if you dislike her personality and if you find her imature. However breaking up with her because she cannot get a job is a little imature in itself as we are in the middle of a global recession and it is difficult to get a job. So maybe you should actually decide the reason you want to stop contacting her first. And are 100% sure she is not trying to look for a job?
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 On top of everything that has been so well said, I'd like to add a bit. Perhaps I'm just old fashioned or something. At "a couple of months" the proper way to break up is to stop calling. You are still in the getting to know each other trial phase. Unless I am missing something there isn't much to say. A firm good by is all you need.
By the way, you are judgmental, bossy, controlling, and fairly inexperienced. You have some changes to work on as well.
FA
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 July 2011):
 Put yourself in her shoes and decide how you'd like your heart broken. I'm serious. What's the best way to let you down? There's no way that it won't cause pain, so what can you do to minimize the suffering?
"Carla, I'm afraid that I am not going to be able to stay in this relationship. I am not feeling what I should be feeling and I don't see us as having a future. I'm sorry that this didn't work out, I truly am, I hope you know that I regret causing you pain."
If she asks what she can do to change to keep you, don't give her false hope. "I just don't feel the same way. I won't be able to reciprocate your feelings. I hoped I could, but I can't. I am sorry for that."
"I would encourage you to call your family and friends for support; I can make a phone call for you if you need someone to be with you right now."
As to your future dating prospects, may I just point out something you wrote: "She has not changed one bit at all since I met her." Yet you chose to date her? Why? Pay closer attention to this in the future, and don't expect people to change to suit you, just as you can't change to suit them. It'll save you inflicting heartbreak on the next girl, for you to go into a relationship with some greater self-awareness, okay?
Good luck. Be compassionate and also be firm.
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A
female
reader, AgonyAuntiee93  +, writes (14 July 2011):
If you dont love her, dont keep her dreaming abiut a life she will never have with you. Tell her how you feel. Tell her that there is someone good enoughh for her, tell her that she deserves someone that loves her. And, if you both want, its an idea to become friends, you know, hang out with a few people, and have a drink or something. But dont let her think she hhas the perfect life, when really, you have chose your life, and you dont want to be with her. Be good to her in one way, by breaking up with her sooner than later! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 July 2011):
 You have made your choice now so get it done with soon. Don't leave her hanging on any more. The best way to break up with someone is just to be honest with them. So just tell her the truth. I agree with you it is better to cut all contact and not stay friends. It might be hard for her to start off with but it is best in the long run if it is a clean cut. So just be honest with her and tell her it is not working for you.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (14 July 2011):
 You're not the villain for wanting someone better. You're simply not interested anymore so tell her exactly that and cut contact. If she asks why, then you can tell her or not. But don't keep leading her on.
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