A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for the guys: Can a fat girl be sexy and desirable?Being overweight, I have always seemed to have a hard time finding a partner that was attracted to me in a healthy way. What I mean is that it seems guys tend to fall in the extremes: either they aren't attracted to fat girls and are ashamed to say they are dating one, or they are a feeder or bbw/ssbbw lover/fat fetishist. I know this can't possibly be representative of all guys, but that seems to be what I encounter most. So, is sexy entirely subjective and many men just aren't into fat girls? Or is sexy an attitude and a way of carrying one's self? If you saw a relatively fat woman, let's say a size 20, would you be immediately unattracted, or could there be attributes that do attract you? Is thin truly in or is sexy more a mental attitude than a physique?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (26 July 2011):
 I think your observation is correct, men fall into either extreme regarded fat girls. Either they're fat fetishists, or they're completely turned off by fat - and the latter form the vast majority of guys. Still, if you live in a big enough city, that small percentage of fat-fetishists can be a big number of people.
It just comes down to the way men are wired. What we are attracted to comes from our evolution. We're generally attracted to the physical markers of good health and reproductive potential. There are always exceptions, but exceptions aren't the rule.
Where you've created a false dichotomy is when you ask if sexy is physical or if it's an attitude. It really is both; if you're sorely lacking in either one, it can ruin the effect of the other one (picture a hot girl cursing and flicking her snot at people - no amount of good looks can make that sexy, unless you're into that sort of thing). If you've got both, you get your pick of boyfriends/girlfriends.
A second false dichotomy that always seems to crop up when discussing big girls is the choice between fat girls and twigs. Men are generally attracted to healthy bodies; the fact that the ideal is considered "thin" rather than "average" is just because of how many people in the western world are overweight.
This is not to say that fat girls are inherently bad people or anything. Far from it. But you are correct in your observation that most men aren't into fat girls. There will always be at least a few guys who are into you no matter what your weight is, but that number is going to get smaller as you move away from the ideal weight, which is going to make it more difficult to find a good boyfriend. If you believe that decreasing your options is a worthwhile tradeoff for keeping your current diet and exercise habits, then I wish you the best of luck.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (26 July 2011):
 Yes Absolutely. When someone identifies a person by their shape or color or shoe size or whatever, then they miss meeting the person and see them as only an object. Personality wins over shape every time.
I'm glad you don't think I'm unhealthy. I think that you will find that younger guys tend to be more stuck on appearance. It takes some time to learn to appreciate the deeper things.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFA, I meant that I find the extremism unhealthy, e.g. someone being with a large girl in hopes of making her larger, aka a feeder, or a guy being absolutely disgusted, unattracted, and ashamed of a larger girl. Both are two men, who are entirely looking at a woman only based upon her body size and image, and are thus a bit superficial in my eyes. Unfortunately, I've dated both of these types of men. Maybe I worded my statements a little strangely or something, lol!
I agree with what you said, though, and I do not think it is unhealthy to be attracted to a larger woman. I think that's lovely as long as you aren't obsessing on making her bigger!
Thanks to everyone else, as well. Wish I had more male opinions though.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 July 2011):
I think you need the opinions of men here. My theory is that you learn to be attracted to what you love. My wife is in the 18-22w range. I have trouble getting interested in anything under a 14. When I was very young I liked willowy girls. I think the change started around 17. I suspect that if I were to spend some time in a relationship with a thinner woman it would swing back.
I guess I am a bit worried that you think that if a man is attracted to larger women then he is unhealthy. That line of thinking will lead you to suspect anyone who accepts you.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): I think it is all in the attitude. Some people are naturally outgoing and secure in themselves, while others (like me) are shy and insecure. I don't think I will ever be able to convince myself that I am hot and sexy. I do manage for a short while when I am alone, but when I go out and see all those beautiful, fancy girls I realize I don't look like that. Sometimes I see really unattractive girls, who make me look like a supermodel, acting so full of themselves, like they are the most beautiful girl in the world. Those girls amaze me. I wish I had their attitude. If I looked like that and acted like that I'd be afraid that somebody would laugh at me saying "do you see yourself?"
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 July 2011):
 ATTITUDE totally!At 300 pounds and a size 26 I thought I was all that and a bag of chips and therefore I was... I had all the men I wanted and a loving husband. I lost a lot of weight and was thin but had terrible saggy skin and felt ugly... NOT sexy...totally agree with the statement that the biggest sex organ we have is between our ears!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 July 2011):
 Sexy is a state of mind. Being sexy means to act sexy, certain erotic signals you send out etc. Everyone can be sexy in this sense. What people are attracted to variate. I guess, you can say someone is hot, or sexy, without being attracted to them. I can look at some of my friends and say "She's so sexy and hot" without that meaning I want to jump into bed with her. And I can just the same think someone is hot, jump into bed with them, but not want a relationship with them...The question is just not possible to answer in a simple way, it is more complex than that, and so dependent on the individual. I don't think you can make any generalized statements here. Thin being desirable is just a trend though, mind you. It's not a natural urge to be attracted to the thin. It's a socially constructed idea. Look at the paintings of the medieval era, the women there have large hips, bottoms and round bellies, and tiny breasts. Today they focus on those with big breasts and a six pack stomach. It variates. What is thought of as sexy changes, as well as it is individual. Then again, what someone thinks is sexy, and what someone wants in a partner, are two different things. You never want a partner just because they are sexy. That doesn't last in the long run, not even for a short period of time. I'll tell you though that I do know this girl who I am somewhat attracted to. We had a drunken night of flirting, and Im not afraid to say she's sexy, even though we aren't in love and there's probably never going to happen anything between us (different reasons, not going into that here). She's what you'd call overweight. Short, round, a bit of a double chin, hips so wide she looks close to square. But she's hot. She always dresses like a lady, makes sure to dress stylish, feminine, and sexy. Wears heels, does her make-up and hair well, and looks like she really enjoys her body. Which is attractive. When she walks she walks with pride, her heels clicking as she walks and she swings her hips as if she knows everyone is checking her out. She isn't afraid to be noticed, in fact she arranges her own concerts (books the bands etc) and is up in stage all the time, and in the newspaper all the time too. Her attitude is sexy. Gotta love that ;)
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