A
female
age
30-35,
*ana.g
writes:I moved in with my fiance, and after 14 months of being together our relationship came to an end after i found out he had been cheating on me for about 2 months every time he went to work outta town. It's now been 6 months and he is no longer with that person. Because of family i still keep contact with him and he's asked for forgiveness multiple times and begs to start over. I know i'm not perfect and we all make mistakes but it still hurts. He is and always will be the love of my life and the only man i've ever been with. My question: should cheating ever be forgiven, and is it worth it to give it another shot?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): "I just hate being seing as the bad guy both my parents think i should give him a second chance and still remain in contact with him . ."Don't let anyone else tell you that you "should" give someone a second chance, and then make you feel guilty for not. it's no one's business to tell you how you should and shouldn't be feeling. Your feelings belong to you. your parents are trying to control your feelings and thoughts, and no one has the right to do that because they aren't the ones living in your shoes. They aren't the ones who have made the emotional investment and suffered the loss. They aren't the ones who have to live with the consequences of this guy's dishonesty and the havoc that wrecks on you. Their relationship with him is at an arms length so of course it's easy for them to say anything.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 September 2011):
 I mean ultimately the decision is up to you. But a good partner doesn't turn to other people when the going gets tough. There will always be tough times, sometimes it will get bad, sometimes you won't always be 100% in love. But a good partner will work it out with you, wait it out, or end it. Not cheat. I mean it wasn't even a quick mistake, it was 2 months. That's a LONG time.
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female
reader, nana.g +, writes (21 September 2011):
nana.g is verified as being by the original poster of the question Tanx chocoholic i love your post. . And your totally right forgivin someone doesnt mean your going back to them. . An ive told him that. . Of coutse it still bout im trying to move on with my life and not keep reliving that ugly memory that causes so much hurt and pain. . I just hate being seing as the bad guy both my parents think i should give him a second chance and still remain in contact with him . . Honestly i more thwn anything was just looking for a little support. . Yes i still love him but nothkng would ever be the same i dont believe in him nor do i trust him. . But yes some day i would really like to get to a point were we can be friends again. And alk i want is to get over this whole situation and keep going on with my life.
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female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (21 September 2011):
If you can truly forgive him, it will be healing to yourself as well as to him. So it's good if you can work towards forgiving him.
However, don't confuse forgiving with resuming the relationship or marriage. Those two are not the same thing. What he's asking for, is for you to resume the relationship with him.
You can forgive, but things have changed forever and realistically speaking you may just never be able to be able to trust him again or have feelings for him. And therefore being in a relationship or marriage with him wouldn't be a good idea.
Also, forgiveness - if it's to happen - can't be rushed. It has to happen on your own time frame, not on his just because HE wants to be forgiven. Healing has to happen on your time frame otherwise it's fake.
And for him, his desire is not just to be forgiven but for for things to go back to the way they were. Those are two completely different things. You can forgive him in time, but things have changed so that doesn't mean that you have to get back together with him.
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female
reader, nana.g +, writes (21 September 2011):
nana.g is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIm not trynna find excuses. . If i was i wouldn of left him da day i found out. . An im not blammin only her. . But for two whole weeks after i left him she would blow up my phone sayin why he would still all me and text me 24/7 . . Why he kept sayin he was gonna go back with me. . An calling me names herasin. .and treadnin me. . To da point i had to get a restriction order. . Wen everyting went down within a week i had a new place an not once did i bother him or her. . Or ever told her one bad ting. . I accepted wat happened an that was it.. . An about makin excuses or wantin to hear from strangers that i should go back with him thats not true. . Im an indepwndent person go to school work have my own place an take care of my family . . I just want honest opinions. . But there always to sides to every story an im not da type of person whos gonna sit here an pretend i was da perfect little wife or wat ever becauze i wasnt. . An im not trynna b rude to yuh but if yuh don like wat i say or wat ever ders noting i can do we all have a right to a personal opinnion, like i said im just tryin to get the whole story trough so i can get honest opinions from people. . Either way marieclaire tanx for yur input. . An to everyone else i don want to hear any one response in particular . . I don long for your approval. . Just honest toughts and opinions. . And i guess if today i took a chance to write was because after about 3 months today i finally decided to awnser a call from him and all this emotions came back rushing back, hes was my first love and first everyting the man i planned on spending the rest of my life with. . But things change people change and trust me altought i never cheated on him it crossed my mind many times. . No body is perfect. . All i really want is to air out my feelings. Dat is all thanks everyone for all your comments ")[Mod note: this was put through only because it was a followup by the OP. The mods are under instructions not to put through posts that are filled with text/chat abbreviations. Please use standard spelling and punctuation the next time you post, thank you.]
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female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (21 September 2011):
 Cheating should be forgiven, but that doesn't mean that the person deserves another chance. He wasn't willing to be faithful and if he couldn't be, then he should've let you know instead of getting you in this mess. I don't think you should give him another shot. He had his chance and he ruined it. There are times for second chances, but I think cheaters lose the right when they cheat.
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female
reader, nana.g +, writes (21 September 2011):
nana.g is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your advice =) really means alot to me. okay i think ya should get a little more info,with me and my ex fiance everything was great , hes an amazing person , i am 22 years old and take care of my 3 sisters and mother, and he always supported me through it all.. not once did he judge or said it was a burden. i know at times it was extremely difficult taking care of 3 kids and a parent when they really arent when they are your family imagine when they arent. im not trying to excuse him but i understand the trying to get away part. the going to work out of town and getting super wasted everyday, and because of that ending up having an affair with another women. As hard as it was ive forgave him for that, i just cant trust him or believe in him. out of the 6 months that we have separated he hasn been with her for 5 1/2 months and i know this because he moved out of the country. also the women called me and let me to talk mess to me and let me know he left her because he wanted to fix things with me. she was a bitch. anyway i dont know theres so many things, its just not easy to make a decision.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (20 September 2011):
 I firmly believe in forgiving. That doesn't mean that I would always advocate reconciliation. In your case, eventually you should forgive him. This will actually help heal your pain. But, you should probably never be in a "relationship" with him again. No new start, no second chance. The very good reasons for this have been stated already. Guard your heart.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): 1. The cheater could be impulsive therefore it doesn't matter if he/she is confessing quickly2. Having sex is a one time thing. "HEY HONEY, I (insert word for rough sex) someone else only once"3. You don't know if they truly are sorry or not.4. Random hookups are even worse. This gives off the vibe that he/she is not into close interpersonal relationships as a basis for sex.My personal opinion is that it can never be forgiven. You can say it is, but in your mind it never will be. There is a difference between being perfect, normal, and being flawed. A cheating attitude is part of the latter. If he did it once, why not again? I'm a guy and I have to tell you that cheating hurts both genders equally in different ways. But you need to understand that the true man you deserve would never harm you that way.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (20 September 2011):
Sometimes cheating should be forgiven. Long term affairs should never be forgiven imho. Everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes those should be forgiven. For instance:
1. If the cheater confesses very quickly.
2. It was a one time thing.
3. They truly are sorry.
4. It was not an ex or friend.
But a long term affair is different. It's not a mistake, it's a well-thought out bad choice. They had lots of time to think about it, lots of time to end things, lots of time to confess, and they didn't. They continued to make the choice to sneak around and lie. You're better off without that kind of person in your life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): If he truly loved you, he wouldn't have cheated on you. He didn't respect you. I don't think forgiveness is ever acceptable when someone has cheated. It's the nastiest thing you can do to the person you are with.
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