A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:To the Men on Dearcupid, What would you think if you started a relationship with a woman who hadn't had sex in 5 years? Would it freak you out? Or does it simply not matter? Thanks I was just wondering! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Happy711  +, writes (17 October 2013):
 I have been single and no sex in 5years as well. I am not the type to just sleep around with anyone, I have plans on it and of course enjoy it very much. I also feel a little nervous because yes many people keep telling me, i would be very tight after five years with no penetration. I understand your question, but the way i see things, someday down the road will come our match.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe reason is I am just not the type of person who sleeps with just anyone. I do enjoy sex, and pleasure myself regularly. I just prefer to be intimate with someone I care about rather than being intimate for the sake of it. Thankyou to everyone who responded to my question. I now feel much more comfortable about this situation.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011): It would depend for me. If she refrained from sex because of some unrealistic phobia, aversion or man-problems from a bad relationship, I wouldn't want to be the one to have to deal with the emotional baggage and have to ease her into sex again only to find it is not there. Then again, I respect that a woman does not give herself out just to get banged on a regular basis. And time spent away from sexual pursuits often results in pursuits in other areas...arts, pasttimes, fitness, career, family, self. Build better character and probably a more interesting person. Depends on the person and situation.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (11 November 2011):
As said already, most men would find it preferable to many alternatives followed by a lot of single women. I assume you dont abstain from loving yourself? Now that could be an issue!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011):
It depends on the reason she didn't have sex. It could be a really good thing or a really bad thing. What is the reason?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): If he is physically fit surely he can't live without sex for 5-yrs but if he is fit then surely having with someone else, to be frankly, for me I can't wait for 5-yrs and no one else too and same with you, check out whats happening
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 November 2011):
 Be a bit careful about the guy you choose. Many men will assume your hungry or desperate for sex after such a long time. Don't mention it until you are sure the guy is respectful and kind and you are already in the bedroom.
A woman who hasn't had sex in a long time can be as stimulating and challenging to uncaring men as a virgin.
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A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (10 November 2011):
 my boyfriend says: no one would care, other than if they thought i meant you didn't like/enjoy sex or that maybe you have some serious baggage.
all you would have to do is explain why you havent had sex and if they are worth it then they wont care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): It doesn't matter to me. I have my first girlfriend for a year. No sex yet. I don't care. I'm waiting for when we have the perfect time. Most guys would also perfer that to the polar opposite. I know I would
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 November 2011):
 That is an interesting question. I'm a decade older than you and conservative so my viewpoint is similar to the women who answered. Of course you haven't been sexually active, you've not been in a committed relationship.
I also have enough life experience to know that your sexual interest / activity this year is no indicator of your future activity or interest. As little a s five years or the birth or a child or any number of other things could affect that.
What would worry me most about a potential partner now , would be a person who is unwilling or unable to talk about sex. I don't mean trashy talk. I mean reasonable talking about likes and dislikes. The second would be a strong religious belief against regular sexual expression in marriage.
FA
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (10 November 2011):
 I'd think it would be preferable to the alternative for most guys.
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male
reader, mr sad +, writes (10 November 2011):
Sex in 5 years , mmmmm id say good for you , myself i feel that having sex with the one person you care about is so much better and worth the wait , just having sex with someone that you dont care about , very very blaaaaa , just masterbate instead , thats my thoughts
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your responses. I have been single in that time. Your advice has really helped me to relax a little and not worry about it.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Doesn't matter... in some ways a good thing. Some may take it as a red flag that you're not a very sexual person and might wonder if that would affect how regularly they'd get sex should they enter into a relationship with you.
Other than that, I don't see how it'd be a problem.
But yeah, as strongfp said, probably wouldn't come out from the get-go and say that you haven't had sex in five years... best to stay vague, maybe say you haven't had sex in A WHILE, or better yet, just say nothing at all.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 November 2011):
Actually, I think many will find it honorable that you haven't had sex while not being in a relationship (I assume you've been single for these past 5 years). What matters is if you are going to be having sex while in the new relationship.
Don't worry, it's like riding a bike.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): What would it matter, it means you were not sleeping around. Good for you.
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