A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We recently had a Christmas get together with family. My two cousins, the ones who lived at the house we celebrated at, made no effort to change their plans for that day. One invited her friend over, whom none of us knew, and disappeared up to her room with that friend for the rest of the evening. The other left without even saying where she was going.This left 6+ cousins at the house, many of whom traveled a fair distance to get there. Am I crazy to think inviting friends over to your house during family celebrations is just plain rude? This is not the first time it's happened. Is this appropriate??
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Travelling a fair distance to visit family and then having some of those being visited show their lack of interest in thier family's guests shows a lack of manners on thier part and their parents.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 It's rude. But if the parents didn't teach them right or put them in their place, and I am assuming they are either children or teenagers, then what can you do. I've seen this happen, and I do think it is rude, but it's the parents who ultimately lack discipline. Tell the parents you find it rude. Or leave it be and wait until they grow out of it.
I and my little brother visited our 18 year old little half brother last year. We don't see him more than once every third or fourth year. He was constantly hanging out with his 16 year old gf, either she was at his place or he was at hers, leaving me and my other brother to ourselves doing nothing... Great! Not. But he is a teenager, and his new girlfriend, and playing computer games with her, is MUCH more interesting than an older brother or sister whom you rarely speak to and barely know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): No, I don't think it's rude actually. I am assuming your cousins are young (late teens, early 20s) and it's often considered cruel and unusual punishment to be expected to hang around adults all day. I would expect an obligatory family dinner, maybe some family socializing, and then free time to do what they want. Some cousins have a lot in common and others don't.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Sounds like something I would expect a teenager to do. I probably did it myself a time or two. At this age (and you didn't mention the ages of the offenders) Family is valued as a support for you activities with your friends. Friends are seriously overvalued. A few years and a bit of distance will solve all this. As for yourself you need to work more on seeing the world from other peoples point of view.
On the other side of the coin, you could make a big deal about this and insist that they both leave their friends and sit with you. Do that and the "ties that bind" become the ties that gag and constrict.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): How old are these cousins? Were they the actual hosts of the gathering?
I'd be inclined to think that the rude behaviour of your cousins extends beyond what happened at this particular event. For me it'd be less about the fact that they invited friends over and more about the way they acted when their friends were there. I mean, if you're going to bring a non-family member to a family get together, you don't "disappear up to your room with them". You introduce them to the other guests and remain where the activity is; if you wish to have some time alone with your friend, you excuse yourself to the rest of the party. Neither do you just leave the house without letting people know where you're going - for the sake of safety, if nothing else!
I think someone needs to have a private word with your cousins about their conduct on such occasions. Again, it depends on their ages. If they're teenagers and their parents were the hosts, the responsibility is their parents'. If they're older, other family members could speak up. It's probably best to approach them with an amicable attitude (even though you're understandably annoyed) as you'll probably have a better chance of success in getting them to listen. Best of luck with this - and even if there's no improvement, don't let it ruin your time spent with your other relatives. If your cousins don't want to join in the fun, it's their loss! Take care x
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