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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend dumped me and after three months she came back . We were together for 2 years before I picked up fight with her over small issue which resulted in a being dumped in the last week of July this year. During those three months, I was trying my heart-out to make her come back but she remained unmoved. So in the third week of October , a girl from Ukraine mailed me on gmail that my profile on some dating site, which I had created before my girlfriend stepped into my life and even forgotten totally, got her interested in me and she wanted to know me more so that we could get off to a start. Since I was single having breakup with my girlfriend, I replied her appreciating her look and other personality traits . I called her "Hot" in my first email and we kept on exchanging emails before my girlfriend snooped into my gmail account. She had my gmail password and I forget to change it once she dumped me. So she called me up, blasting me that I was cheating on her , I was deceitful to her and bla, bla. Though, I offered my apology to her and that incident became blessing in disguise and made her come back 5 days ago. I personally think that ,technically speaking, it was not a cheating since we had a break up. Am I right in my assumption? I would be more than obliged if you people could clear my mind on this. Thanking you all in advance!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 It's impossible to "cheat" whilest your pants are still on!!! Tell your girl friend that this dalliance doesn't count!!!
Good luck...
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 November 2011):
 And now for a contrasting point of view,
You started a fight with a girl you had been in a relationship with for 2 years. Why? What was your goal? Was there an intolerable situation in the relationship?
She broke up with a guy she had been in a relationship with for 2 years. Why? Did he say an unpardonable insult? Was the relationship so weak? Was this the first fight in 2 years? Did she have some other motive for wanting a break up?
For three Months you tried to get back together. Why did you want to be back with some crazy girl who would dump a 2 year relationship over one fight? Or is there something you aren't telling us? Do you feel some guilt?
She monitors his email for 3hree months after showing him the door? Why? Is she making sure he is being punished? For what? If she is interested enough in him to spend that kind of time on a relationship that she terminated, then why not accept his repeated offers of reconciliation?
Why is she interested in reconciliation now? Is he more exciting because someone else in interested in him? Or does she feel she is losing control of the guy she cast to the wind 3 months ago? Or is it just a ploy to break up his new relationship?
My take is that this is one sick relationship. A fellow over the age of 25 should have a much better idea of where he is going in life. He should have a stronger will than to be led around like a dog by the whims of a manipulative woman. He should know how to handle a relationship without picking fights / or begging. He should not be taken in by email dating scams.
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 November 2011):
 agreed if you were broken up you were not cheating...
what i think you should look at, however, is the fact that, your GF came back, AFTER you went after someone else.
seems to me to be a case of She wants it so no one else can have it but she didn't want it when it was offered to her.
I agree with CindyCares however, that "I miss and want my girlfriend" and "wow you are really hot" in the same thought are not a good pair....
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (1 November 2011):
 Hi,
I have to agree with you on this, you did not cheat on your girlfriend at all. Like you mentioned, she broke up with you, it was not even, let's take some time apart, it was officially break up, so no you didn't cheat.
I guess things happens for a reason, and this incident made her realize she still really loves you. When you have a chance to talk to your girlfriend, just tell her again that you are sorry for hurting her feelings. Explain to her that, she was the one who broke up with you, and it's not fair for her to accuse you of cheating. She needs to understand that.
I am glad that you are back together, and I wish you both happiness on your second time around. Forget the past, and what really matters is that you both love each other.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, lukefortender +, writes (1 November 2011):
No,you didn't cheat on her,of course! Don't worry!
It was just a misunderstood,and she knows about that and now wants a backup! Friend, women who dump their boyfriends and get changed for other girls in the same time they feel crazy and turn a pain in the ass to their ex!
I'm just saying, she dumped you and now you have another girl,she's totally crazy for you again. Women get threatened when it happens!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 your girlfriend didn't want you back despite all your efforts, so why should you not look elsewhwere? i really don't think you have done anything that most people would do. why should you remain true to someone who is watching you beg and crawl and remains as you say 'unmoved'?
the problem now though is that your girlfriend has got back with you purely because she was jealous and didn't want you to have someone else. this is not a good basis for a relationship so i suggest that you still both have a lot of thinking to do as to your reasons for being together, her more so than you.
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): It was not cheating. You were not together at this point and if you thought that basically it was over, why not be in contact with a girl. And you did not meet up. So I would point this out to your gf. It sounds as if the relationship is doomed. As much as you want it to work out, there are times when things go beyond mending.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 Technically speaking you have not been cheating and you could do all you wanted since you were broken up.
I think what your gf has a problem with is, that supposedly since July you were tryng your heart out to make her come back , you supposedly still loved her,missed her ,etc.etc and you must have told her words to this effect right ? So she must have doubted your sincerity , she may have thought well, perhaps he is not so keen on making it work between us and is not so in love with me as he says , if he's starting something new with a new, " hot " girl.
I am not saying your gf was right, or even that she was being rational,because she must have known that you were broken up and free to pursue other people.
And yet, I can understand how " you broke my heart, I want you back at all costs " and " Wow Ukrainian girl you are really hot " somehow don't really belong in the same sentence....
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A
female
reader, Claraw1  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 If you were broken up, then of course you were not cheating. You cannot be expected to stay faithful to someone who you are not in a relationship with just in case they decide that they want to come back to you. I believe that your girlfriend should be apologising to you, she snooped into your email (even if it made her come back to you which is what you want) it was wrong for her to snoop, and she should not have blasted you for looking for a partner when you were single. While you were broken up you did not have to consider her feelings at all. She should realise that if she wants you all to herself then she had better not break up with you again. You did nothing wrong, so do not feel bad about it, you did not cheat. You are a wonderful guy, good luck and I hope that it works out for you.
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