A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:Just how much and how often should I have to discuss issues with my boyfriend? I feel like all I do is point out things I'd like him to do or not do in this relationship. And he's been open and understanding in all our discussions. I've been blessed ( and cursed) with the ability to exceptionally anticipate peoples' needs and how they might feel about a given situation, including with him. But it seems so hard for him to have even a basic idea that something he says or does might hurt me or that I might want the same kind of attention given to me. He's an only child and was quite spoiled. I'm guilty of spoiling him too, but it's in my nature to give my all to someone. Is it possible to teach someone how to love, how to give freely of themselves, how to care for their significant other? How long do I stay with him to give him time to learn? And it's not that he can't-I've seen him do it w/others. Maybe he's just taking me for granted. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 October 2011):
 you can NOT love a person's POTENTIAL.you have to love them where they are and accept them where they are... if where they are is NOT good enough then you should end it.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 October 2011):
 We aren't dog's or computers either. You don't go into a relationship trying to change / train a person. You get together with them because you like the way they do things. You are frustrated because he isn't like you. Wouldn't the world be a boring place if we were all alike?You claim he is spoiled and that you spoil him. You know this is hurting the relationship, but you don't change because it is your nature. Given that it is not much of a leap to see that he isn't changing because it is his nature. If you have gotten this far, without wanting to slap me, we have one more step to take. You say that he treats other people better (or in the way you want him to treat you) than he treats you. You want him to care for your needs. You want him to see your needs. He cant because you have taken over in the position of his primary care giver. By spoiling him you have become his mom. He can't see you as his girlfriend from that point of view.So, either he is not right for you. Or the mixture of your two personalities is a recipe for disaster. If you don't think that is the case and you want to continue the relationship, you should think about changing yourself. That you can do. My first suggestion would be to stop referring to him as a child.FA
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A
female
reader, Classic events  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 I think it is impossible to teach someone how to love. It is either he loves you or he doesnt. If you find he is continuously needing to be taught things which you consider cruicial for your relationship he might just not be your guy. But then maybe you are expecting too much from him.there are some things which bother us but are not so significant. Just ignore some of th little things and let him do things his way. Maybe if you accept him as he is, you may find you dont need to tell him things anymore. And you will enjoy. Goodluck
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