A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, So i'm in a bit of a pickle, I'm 31 and have fallen in love with a wonderful man...only we can't be together. I'm a 31 year old female from London whom lives in the city and I'm from a middle class Jewish family. I am educated with a degree and am a qualified teacher. I'm currently working in recruitment and making ok money and am looking to buy a flat in few years. I currently rent with friends. I'm pretty and sociable and in no real hurry to settle. I think mid 30's be good, so in few years. I have recently met someone who Is handsome, sweet, caring and funny. But the problem is both his friends and family and my will not approve. Firstly age gap, his 22, 9 years younger, second of all his Irish catholic, who has no Education and works as a builder. My family would go mental if wanted to end up with him, snobby I know, but aside from fact his catholic (my family aren't religious at all and can marry non Jewish, but a catholic!) but it's more to do with fact his job and culture. His family also go mental and friends don't approve. They have met me, really liked me. But have told him one, he can't be with a non catholic and even worse I'm Jewish! And they feel I'm too old. What's wrong with her they say (as all his friends etc are married with babies by 25) I'm over the hill as 31 and single! My parents don't know...I'm scared to tell them as will go mental, and though his lovely, his not there sort of person. My friends like him but they are like his good for bit of fun only! Not right for me! Truth is I like him and not sure what to do, shall I end if now before we both get hurt. Also he wants to move back to Ireland have kids big family etc. I'm a London career girl ( yes want kids) but can't imagine living that culture with him over in Ireland. What do I do. Is there chance we could end up together or get out now! Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, coldplaypotter1D-s  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I may be biased, but Ireland is a wonderful place.
OK, forget that. You need to do what your heart tells you to do.
If your family doesn't approve, don't take any notice. Take their comments in to your mind and evaluate your situation.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): It can work why not! I'm an very independent outdoor maniac (long distance hiking, skiing, traveling..) from Canada married to a Chinese shopping addict who hates the outdoors and is not very self-sufficient. Communication was an issue the first year (my Chinese is not that good and she spoke almost no english) but we've been married 4 years now and couldn't be happier. I guess deep down inside we found what we needed, which can be very different from what you're looking for. Important values are the same for both of us though, that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): I can't see a problem with /jobs/backgrounds/family here,your both adults. I am a bit biased towards him though as I love Irish men to bits the voice alone melts me.Remember opposites attract too.
However, your long term goals are so different as you don't want to go to Ireland and have loads of children.He does, eventually, he says.
So, you either have a bit of fun,enjoy the moment or just finish it and find somebody who has the same great characteristics but meets your 'husband criteria' also.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 I guess the real question is what attracts you to him. You obviously can't be thinking long term. So, what is it you want?
While this guy is most likely not the right man for you (based on your different life goals). He can help you define better who you are looking for. Handsome, sweet, caring, and funny can come with an education. Be honest, are you also attracted to his Youthful vigor, Muscular structure from heavy lifting, His easy going attitude from growing up in a big family?
Yes this is likely not to work out long term families can and do wreck well meaning marriages. But, I think this is worth thinking about.
FA
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 If you both want to be together then you are both adults and you are both old enough to make up your own mind. Either your family like it or not, but it is not there life and not there decision to make.
You both need to talk about things and see what you both want to do. If his life long goals are different than yours and there is no room for compromise then yes maybe it is better that you part your own ways now, but make sure it is what you both decide and not what family and friends think.
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