A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello! Hope you can give me some advice. I am in a real predicament. I have met a wonderful man. We have been together 5 months and we have such a wonderful relationship. He is kind, caring, respectful and the bond we have is truly amazing. I love him so much and can't stand to be apart from him.He has kids and he is a wonderful father. He sees them on a daily basis taking them footballing, dancing etc. Although ppl say that men with kids have no time for partners, I don't feel that way. He finishes work at 3, takes them out till 7 then comes to mine. If we ever want to do something together, it just takes a bit of planning.His children are lovely and seem curious to know everything about me (even tho I haven't met them as I want to wait till we are really stable). He has told me he will give me children and a nice house etc.The ex is okish - she did send me a threatning msg at the start, but I remained nice n calm with her, saying she shouldn't worry about anything changing (which nothing has) and I have never heard from her since. However, she does like to call the shots and asks him how he can afford to see me. I would like tips on how eventually myself and his ex can get on, and maybe be friends someday.My main problem is tho, is my parents. They keep on telling me I will be financially bound to these kids for ever. Dad said he doesn't "condone" this behaviour of mine which I think is a joke as I will be 32 next year!. I understand what they mean, but they keep on telling me I am making the biggest mistake of my life. They haven't even met my fella.Any advice on this? Do I run a mile because of the kids/ex/parents or stay with the man I truly adore.Thanks x
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 Hi,
You seem like a lovely lady. Have class and you are a good/nice person. I understand how your parents feel, they just love you and have the best interest in you. All they want is for you to be happy.
I think your boyfriend is a nice, responsible man. So, I don't see any problems affecting your relationship. But, you have to know and understand that your boyfriend is responsible for his childrens financially until the age of 18. So, it's a long way... For many years a big part of his pay check will go to his kids, so therefore less for you, him and your future family together. It's reality and it's the truth. If you make good money yourself, and if this doens't bother you, then go ahead with your relationship and be happy.
Good luck/best wishes
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Please run and do it fast before you get pregnant by him. Been there and done that. I was a bit younger than you when I met my dream divorcee w the kids and nasty ex wife.. He too was devoted to his kids still to this day but oh what a bumpy and difficult road it has been. You will never be accepted by his family ESPECIALLY if he has siblings who love his ex and their kids come to know her as "aunt Jane". Also if he is recently separated than you ARE the rebound relationship. I wish I knew then what I know now. You are young at only 32 you can find a guy with out the baggage in his late 20s or 30s. Please save yourself and listen to your dad. your dads advise are similar to my moms over a decade ago. The constant stress of this relationship has caused me serious and life threatening health problems. It may be too late for me, but not you. Remember if this man is so wonderful, then why is he divorced? There is always two sides to every story.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (9 December 2011):
 Your dad is wrong. You have zero financial responsibility for those children. Even if you married, YOU would have no financial responsibility to those kids. Sure, when couples marry most split their finances, so you may end up putting some money towards them, but you are in no way responsible. If you love eachother, that is all that matters. If a woman has a child with a man, she does have a hold on him for the rest of his life. That does not mean that the father has to let her call the shots. You should let your man take control when the ex is playing up. And let him know that's what you want him to do.At the end of the day, this is still a very new relationship, and you are doing right by everyone taking things slowly. Try not to panic, nothing is going too wrong just yet is it? Enjoy things as they are :)
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A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (9 December 2011):
Frankly, this situation seems to me like a mess waiting to explode in your face. Between the threatening ex, the kids you haven't even met yet, the amount of time he spends with them, your parents should be the least of your worries imo. Keep in mind that if something doesn't bother you now that you're still in the honeymoon stage of the relationship, it doesn't mean it won't wear you down in the long run. Frankly, I'd go and find someone without these issues- you're still young, there are plenty of single/divorced without kids men out there. This said, good luck.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17 +, writes (9 December 2011):
You've been together five months and you adore him, but he hasn't met your parents? I might stat there to put them a bit more at ease. Maybe they'll see what you see in him. Fatherly Advice is right. At this age , most peoplle will have a divorce or kids already under their belt. Yes the kids are a financial "drain" when it comes to your life with him and your potential future kids - BUT the only reason I'd really be concerned is if he's being bullied by the ex. Giving more $$ than is needed out of guilt created by the ex. Is she demanding too much financially and he's obliging. It's not your business so much at 5 months, but start to observe it as a pattern. If you start talking engagement or you've been togehter a year - I'd start asking those financial questions. Good luck and don't let a good man you adore go so easy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2011): Gosh personally I would run a mile. I fell in love with a man with 4 kids, 3 different mothers and although great at first it turned into pure hell. The mothers constantly called the shots, changing agreed dates and times at the last moment and always asking for more and more money. To begin with I was so much in love that I didn't mind but after a while when there was never any just us time, little money and the incessant calls from the mothers it all ground me down and I desperately wanted out. The children became a financial burden to me and I began to despise being stuck in the predicament. It took me 4 years to get out. I would follow the very wise words of Dr Laura who said 'never marry anyone with kids still at home'. It honestly is very difficult because they will never be your kids and when they play up and you want to tell them off you can't incase you go over the boundaries set by the mothers, you will also find when the mothers realsie you are a decent sort suddenly find you get the kids staying nearly all the time and the poor man is run ragged trying to juggle you, the mothers, money and the kids. You are still young enough to find a man without baggage and start a brand new family. I can understand you may be up for it and all credit to you but in reality is is extremely hard and you have to be of a very unselfish and giving nature,
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (9 December 2011):
 Your Dad is right, but he is ignoring an important fact when he dispenses his advice. You are 31, 99.9% of the available men that have enough maturity to interest you, will have this kind of baggage. Your eyes are open, you know what the future holds. You are already evaluating his ability to take care of his prior obligations and give you the time you need. You are already handling the EX properly. My advice is to proceed slowly and keep doing the good things you are already doing.
FA
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