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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend emotionally blackmails me that If I don’t do this or that , she will dump me. It has been happening for the last 8 months and we have been together since April 2006. She also loves me and three days back, when I came back from office, I stopped on the door and she was talking to my photo saying she loves me like crazy and kissed my photo hard. This emotional blackmailing thing stresses me out and how should I talk to her about this to bring it to an end? Does every girl do this intentionally just to get their stuffs done? She doesn’t do blackmailing for demanding big things but still it’s an issue. Please help! Thanks!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 I would never do that. and I don't think it's fair.personally I'd call her bluff.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): If you are allowing her to do it, endulging her with this behavior, than she will continue doing it. Why not be the first person in her life to put a stop to it and show her a more appropriate way to get what she wants, with an understanding that sometimes you can't get what you want and it will still be okay. Call her out, and don't let her continue doing this to you. If she won't stop, no matter how you have tried to show her she doesn't have to do it, then maybe suggest she get counseling....I bet it was all cute in the beginning....growing on your last nerve now, huh? Oh, and by the way? Not all girls do this...usually just girls who still have a lot of maturing to do. What I see in your future if you get married? It going from "breaking up" to "divorcing" if she doesn't get her way....that is one thing nobody should ever threaten in a relationship unless you really mean it.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Just this and that not big things you say? I got to thinking after 5 years a girl bight resort to blackmail to get married.
I still think something is wrong.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): I am a female and I can tell you first hand that I have never done that. Although I can't really think of any of my friends who do that either, I have no doubt that your girl is not the only girl who does this. I'm sure she does love you very much and it sounds as though she is just very insecure. If you'd like to stay with her I would suggest that you call her out on what she's doing to you. Give her an example of when she emotionally blackmailed you and tell her that she doesn't need to do that. Make her feel that you are willing to do things for her without her saying she'll leave. Tell her that you care about her and want to do things to make her happy (only if you feel that is true, of course.) Also, let her know that she can be honest with you and tell you when she's feeling scared or insecure. If you both honestly try to fix it and she still engages in that behavior, then she may just be manipulative, only out for herself, and that you can do nothing to change.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 At the extreem risk of sounding misogynistic,I'd have to say yes, women do use "blackmail" both emotional and physical to get their way...that's why they have absolute control over men. The options are: learn to live with it or stay away from them. The later is hardly possible so get a grip and go with the flow.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 October 2011):
5 year relationship and blackmailing starting in the 5th year. I would say something has changed. If the relationship was in the first year I would say call her bluff. At this point I would say therapy is indicated. I'm not sure how to interpret the picture episode. Is it practice, or fantasy, or just her trying to make sense of her feelings. The blackmailing could be her subconsciously trying to distance herself from you, or building a case to let you go.
To answer your question directly, people will act in many unscrupulous ways to get what they want. They will lie cheat and steal. They will use sex or love or fear or any strong emotion to get people to do what they want. But, a person in a healthy committed relationship would not blackmail their partner, nor would they need to. The fact that it is happening is an indication that something is wrong.
FA
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A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Well i would never dream of doing that to a partner! I think its really low for someone to that in there relotionship just because they want something and if someone done it to me i wouldn't think twice about telling them to sort it out.
Next time she blackmails you for something and goes "ill dump you if you don't do this" just go fine then dump me. Act like you don't care and when she demands something from you like that then don't give it to her let her learn the hard way that acting like a child doesn't get you far.
If she doesn't sort it out then id think about where your relotionship is heading.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 She will continue to use blackmail for as long as it gets her what she wants. Next time she tries it, call her bluff.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 October 2011):
I had just one girlfriend try emotional blackmail on me - needless to say I say goodbye to her.
Sure, there are a few who will use you to get what they want. But in contrast, millions of other women don't act this way. Your girlfriend doesn't really love you, she just uses you and blackmails you.
If she's blackmailing you, dump her. Others don't act this way.
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