A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been married for 20 years. It was a loveless marriage and Im glad that I had the courage to end it. I've got my own house now and a part time job which I can manage to support myself. I've met this man 16 years older than me. I've been with him for 3 years but still live in separated home. He has good income and no children. He never wants to get married because he is afraid a woman will take away his money. He never spend much on me. There is no eating out even I pay he is not happy and wont go. And it is his stinginess has bothered me. I know he wont change and Im not going to change him. So there are many things I dont want to do with him because of the money issue. He is the type you chop his arm he still wont spend. Im feeling more and more unhappy about it. He is a good man and helpful. I just dont know what to do. Please advice.
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male
reader, Mr. Don T Knowitall +, writes (1 October 2011):
I'm reminded of a line from a Queen song, "Somewhere a wealthy man is sitting on his throne, waiting for life to go by."
This doesn't sound like a very loving relationship. I am financially cautious myself at times because I've worked hard for everything I have, but money is not everything.
The fact that he doesn't want to go out, even when you pay, is either an indication that he doesn't care that much about you or he is uncomfortable when you pay for him. If you really want to send him a msg, ask him how much money do you think you'll have in your bank account when you die?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2011):
This guy just plain doesn't want to get married. He also is far to stingy to get married too.
If he loved you, then he could say that he was worried about his finances and he could have suggested a pre-nup so that he'd be secure. He didn't, leading me to suspect that he's not interested in marriage anyway. You've also been seeing him or 3 years, and he's not even suggested moving in.
To add to that, there is a serious lack of respect for you. You're always paying if you eat out - he never pays for that. He's totally afraid a woman will take his money away - so it's clear there's no real trust and a lack of respect for you. He never spends money on you, and hasn't in 3 years.
I think you're just going to get more and more unhappy with this guy. He's not remotely interested in marriage, and I think overall he wants a part time companion more than anything. Maybe you need to re-evaluate this.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 A well-worded "Pre-Nup" would take away ALL "fears" Money is great to have but it shouldn't rule over love
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 At first I was thinking "Prenuptial Agreement" but this guy is not just financialy stingy.
Chances are he is EMOTIONALLY stingy too.
He does not treat you to a meal or a small, inexpensive gift once in awhile in the COURTING stages of a relationship?
Trust me on this one. It will get old. It is not about the money, it is about his attitude of giving ANYTHING to another person.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (29 September 2011):
 At over 66 years old he is quite unlikely to change. You, on the other hand, know how to change an unhappy relationship. You found the courage once before to end a hurtful relationship, you will again.
FA
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2011):
 IF you are unhappy about how he manages his money and you have fundamental differences on how to spend and save then this will NOT change. it will continue.
IF you are NOT happy about it now, you will NOT be happy about it later.
While a prenup will make him feel better (maybe) it will not change his fundamental belief that money is not to be spent. My first husband was like that... I was a SAHM and was told "you had a winter coat when we got married you don't need another one" that was 6 years after we married.
he never wanted to spend money.... at all even if needed.
NOT acceptable.
think long and hard about if you want to actually commit to a man who cannot or will not share his money with you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2011):
 1 word.
Prenup.
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