A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay so my boyfriend and I started "talking" in February and we recently started dating like 2 weeks ago. I'm 16 and he's 19. He's always been reallyyyyy sensative, and sometimes its really annoying and other times its cute. Like when we first started talking I was talking to other people as well and he would always get jealous and question me about stuff.I remember one day I was telling him how I felt about him and stuff, and how I didn't want to loose him etc and he says " awwww I'm about to cry" lol. And one time I told him I didn't want us "talking" anymore and he got really upset and was like "no I'm in love with you" and "please don't leave me" and stuff like that so I just continued talking to him. Then we started talking and not talking off and on, untill we started dating a few weeks ago. And btw before we started talking he told me he wasn't a virgin and that didn't really bother me that much since I am a virgin. Anyways I've been kind of wanting to break up with him every since we started dating. I've never even hung out with him, we never talk on the phone, etc. And I always feel like he's talking to other girls. But what really made me mad was he got mad at me because I found someones boxers in my closet where someone had left them. I dated this other guy like a year ago and he spent the night at my house and he left his boxers there, lol so my bf asks me tons of questions like why did he spend the night, did yall do anything sexual, etc and I said no. And he knows I'm a virgin because I've told him a long time ago I was. And he's still doesn't believe me, so I told him that he's acting dmb so text me later and he didn't reply. I mean he shouldn't get mad at that right? I'm a virgin and he's not and Ive NEVER asked him who he's slept with or how many time he's had sex or anything!!! If anything I'm the one who should be asking questions right? Like I feel like I should break up with him, but I don't want to regret it. :/ helppp.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (5 July 2012):
 an anonymous male reader asks; "How is the boyfriend being insecure?"
The OP stated: "bf asks me tons of questions like why did he spend the night, did yall do anything sexual, etc and I said no."
O K at this point, I could see him not being insecure and just checking the facts. But when she comes back and states: "And he's still doesn't believe me," That says that the "ton" of questioning is still going on. He doesn't believe that he has the man power to hang on to this girl. He worries every day that she is cheating on him.
This couple has been exclusive for a whole 3 weeks. He got her to commit to an exclusive relationship by crying for it. Essentially he begged her until she gave in. That is the answer to the ann. male reader's question. he is being insecure when he results to begging and crying to get a commitment. Then he can't believe that the commitment has held a whole month. Because he knows that he is not the man she needs. He needs a constant accusation so that she will have to prove every day that she loves him.
The big problem with this is she doesn't. The emotion that our OP feels for her 3 week BF is guilt, or pity. Being a relatively smart young woman, she knows there is no basis for his accusations and therefor for her guilt. She is tired of pity, and like most women wants someone strong enough to excite her.
So Yes there are boxers in her closet, but she was blackmailed into a relationship she doesn't want, and right away she can tell it's not working.
A secure man would have one of two reactions to finding the boxers. One, he would smile and know that he is winning. or Two he would know she was cheating and leave to protect his dignity. Begging her to explain and begging her to keep him are not what a secure man would do.
Since she is the one doing the dumping I don't think he will have to worry too much about the boxers. He hasn't been given the privilege of risking his health with her. And, he can go on believing that he wasn't man enough to keep her from cheating, since that is certainly a fact!
FA
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): How is the boyfriend being insecure? She told him one thing and then evidence suggested she might be lying. He is just being smart to ask a few more questions. Lying is lying, whether it is about virginity or what she ate for breakfast. If she was lying about the her past sexual history then she is lying about what type of person she is and the disease risk she carries for him. And besides, we are talking about an unexplained pair of boxer shorts in her room? That kind of evidence might have been from her cheating on him with another guy in the present. I know lots of sexually active women and you wouldnt be finding a guys undershorts in most of their rooms unless it got there very recently. The BF didn't have cause to get angry at her just because some boxers turned up. But he had cause to ask a few questions for sure.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2012): from your post it sounds like you guys really are not right for eachother, he sounds very insecure and to be honest like he needs to grow up before being with someone! if you want to break up then do it because the longer you leave things, the worse it will get. x
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (1 July 2012):
You really aren't that happy with him. You are mostly with him because breaking up would be difficult. At your age, 15 or 16, you have a lot of time to make mistakes and have relationships. This guy was probably a mistake.
If I was advising him I would tell him to man up and stop being so dependent. He is not being manly enough for you.
The boxer incident is simply another sign of his insecurity.
There are 2 things you should learn from this. First don't be held hostage. Second When the relationship is over, get rid of the evidence.
FA
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