A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can a marriage work with different hobbies/interests? I just feel so lonely that all we do together is watch tv. Have talked and tried to arrange more things together but he just not interested. We agreed to a walk on the beach recently but it turned into an arguemnt cos the sand was so soft and difficult to walk in so after a mile i asked could we turn but he demanded we walk to the end. I just felt like crying. I seem to spend my fun times with my female friends.He drinks alcohol, i dont which is causing more problems. He says he will drink as much as he likes when he likes. He constantly criticizes me saying 'you need to grow a set of tits'. Or he says im a big girls blouse all the time and makes me feel worthless. Im just an ordinary girl but my lack of adventure seems to be getting to him. Yes we married (2 years nearly) and maybe some of you question why - well I never realised til we married and lived together how lonely i now feel. Whilst we were dating and living apart things seemed ok. He wants to do watersports and travel the world but i want to do ordinary things and sun holidays abroad.I cant stop wondering if we should just let each other go - im pretty sure he has to be feeling the same as me. Is there anyone in similar situations can help advise me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Having different hobbies can surely work. I spend 1-2 hours a day in the gym, hubby spend hours playing online games. I paint, I volunteer.
However, what is going on with you two is not about hobbies, it's about lack of respect it seems.
I can recommend this book for you and your husband.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Oh yes, this is not just hobbies.
The relationship is young and mistakes are being made.
But the subject of diverse hobbies is a good question. I've seen some things and done some things so I have a bit of experience to share on the topic.
I've been married roughly 10 times as long as you two have been now. Back when our marriage was as young as yours we watched a marriage almost self destruct over a hobby. He had the hobby, she didn't even know the names of the parts of it. He would devote whole weekends (including nights until 2 a.m. She would just be in another room doing her stuff. I can't believe she didn't resent it. What caused the problem was that he developed feelings for one of the women in his hobby group. She understood him better than his wife did.
Now me. I'm in construction. I do math. I cook and sew. On a good day my wife can swing a hammer without hurting herself. She handles our accounting (thankfully), but when it comes to what I call real math she just shakes her head and says What do these pictures (graphs) have to do with math? She can manage a kitchen better than I can. I just have to write down a recipe for what I cook if she wants to make it. As for Sewing, I just do it. She has hew own hobbies and interests. We come together on reading. We share books pretty good even.
So it can work to have different hobbies. It helps a lot if you share some interest in his hobbies, and he in yours. There are pitfalls. I frequently get into trouble for spending too much time answering questions on Dear Cupid, or playing computer games. The point is to keep your priorities straight. For example pushing a partner with sore feet to walk 3 more miles is just foolish.
The other thing I worry about in your post (aside from the abusive language Person mentioned) is that you seem to be thinking about separate vacations. That is a very dangerous proposition. Too much temptation in an already fragile situation.
About the alcohol, I'm a non imbiber so it is hard for me to see it as a hobby. I have seen it do some very bad things to families when it gets out of control. Feeling worthless is not normal.
FA
As much as I like to see couples reconcile and solve their problems, I believe that abuse is the most valid reason to break up a marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 July 2012):
 This isn't an issue of hobbies not meshing, opposites attract in that sense a lot of the time.
This is not a healthy relationship. He makes you feel worthless and puts you down all the time, he drags and tears you down for absolutely no reason. It's time to end this marriage before he steals all your confidence, because it takes a lot longer to build back up. It's normal for couples to not always be interested in the same things. It's not normal or even remotely OK for one person to make the other feel worthless for having different interests.
...............................
|
