A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend earlier about fathers in the delivery room. I'd like to find out what others make of the issue!My boyfriend said he'd rather not be in present, but if the mother wanted him there he'd comply. I'm of the opinion that the man should be given a choice; even though I'd rather my partner stayed with me I'd understand and respect his decision if he opted to wait outside. I think it tends to be assumed in this day and age that a father will attend the birth of his child(ren), but what if he doesn't feel up to it? Does he have a right to choose or should it be the mother's decision?I'm really curious to hear the thoughts of both guys and girls. Thanks a lot :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 I'd be really upset if my partner didn't want to be there with me. We would have both created this little person (not just me!), but I would be the one to carry it for 9 months. The least he can do is hold my hand and be there to support me through the ordeal. That's how I see it anyways.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (8 July 2012):
I can't believe there are guys that would not feel a nature urge to help the person they love, and got pregnant, in this incredibly grueling time for the woman. Sure its scarey, I think more so for the woman. Unless its a c-section and she is fully aneathnatised(spelling, sorry!) I can't imagine not being there for her, especially if there is some complication as there often are. And to witness the arrival of a new person that you made together, and hold him or her for the first time, is the most extreme emotional high that gives you inner strength to cope with the demands of the new person. (for the next 20 years.. haha!)
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (7 July 2012):
I think he should be given the right to choose. Let's be honest here, 'the miracle of birth' is not a really appealing thing to watch. Just like a woman might resent the guy for not wanting to come, he may resent her for forcing him to be there and getting stuck with that bloody gory image in his head. So basically, if it's me I'd tell the guy he can do what he pleases. If he wants to come, he can, if he doesn't I won't blame him for waiting outside. I think that's fair.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): Only the young and very naive (or perhaps the very stupid) would pick a fight with a pregnant wife. There is of course a choice... her choice, as a man you do what you're told in those situations.
I would much rather not have been in there, the sight of my partner in pain and the knowledge that I can do nothing about it is, quite frankly, terrifying. The only thing more terrifying is the thought of a post-labour, hormones raging, pissed-off wife!
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female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (7 July 2012):
 That depends. Is he going to faint or throw up? If he's that weak he'll be no help to you and you don't need your doctor or nuses getting sidetracked picking him up off the floor when they need to be focusing on you and the baby's arrival. Or is he just being selfish because he hasn't come to terms with the reality of giving birth? If that's the case he should be there regardless. He's there to help you and he can stop being selfish as of right now. It's no longer all about him. He needs to grow up and be supportive.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): I would really want my baby daddy to be there! I would need him for support. I'd feel kind if upset if he didn't want to see the birth of his child, as it is a beautiful thing.
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (7 July 2012):
 I think a man should have the freedom to choose whether or not to attend. And by 'freedom' I also mean he should not punished for chosing not to, nor accused of not caring.
I also think a woman in labour should have final say on who is allowed in. Not all women want men there. Traditionally it was something only women particpated in anyway, midwives, attendants etc.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2012): I think it comes down to a decision for both. If the father wants to be there and the mother wants him to be then fine, but if either one doesn't want it to be that way then he shouldn't be in there. I was lucky though when I had my children, I didn't want him in the delivery room, he didn't want to be there and my sister in-law wanted to come in to support me, and did so and my cousin helped deliver them as she is a nurse in the hospital, so I definitely had support in the room.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 July 2012):
 Heck, I wouldn't "give" my husband a choice! He better be in there unless of course he is deployed or otherwise FAR away and can not attend or if the doctor sends him out.
He's the reason the woman is IN the delivery room!
However, if he acts like it's gross, is useless, faints or pukes he can stay outside.
Thankfully I'm married to a wonderful guy who WANTED to be there for the birth of ALL out 3 kids.
The guy can ALWAYS stay up near HER head and not have her vagina, baby, blood right in the face. But honestly, anyone who thinks childbirth is a "clean" walk in the park is very mistaken.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): Well speaking from experience and how i am when im pregnant... overly sensitive and over emotional, if my partner didnt want to be with me through labor i would either insist, wed probably get into a fight about it and id tell him it just shows me that he doesnt love me and if i have to go through labor alone, id rather go through everything else alone too. But when im not pregnant and my hormones level out i do agree that the man should have a choice, but also think if hes man enough to make the baby, love you and be loyal and helpful through out the pregnancy, then any man with a pair would stay with you through pregnancy. Thankfully my partner has been with me for both labors. Its not beautiful, the blood and other fluids that go with it and trying to console your partner when they are in that much pain is tasking, but its all worth it when you get to see and hold your baby thats what my bf always tells me. Thats just my opinion for myself because it works for me but everyone should do what works for them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2012): I'd do it but wouldn't exactly be overjoyed to watch my girlfriend pee herself, defecate, puke and be torn open after countless hours of intermittent agony.
It depends on the person, I know one woman who insisted he be there so he could witness what he caused her to go through because he didn't pull out.
It's easy to say he should have a choice but some women are simply not going to take no for an answer and it isn't exactly a choice if your relationship is going to be ruined by not showing up.
I also know other women that wanted their mother there and not their boyfriend and he wanted to be there.
At the end of the day she's the one giving birth, if she tells the doctors she doesn't want him there he's not going to be there and pity any guy who is foolish enough to say no to being there and leaving his other half have all those hours of agony to build a kind of bitterness towards him for not being there for her.
We guys do have a choice OP but it's a false choice, just like the pregnancy itself, after conception we have no real say in anything if the woman doesn't want us to have that. It's that simple, so we really don't have a say at the end of the day unless the woman gives us a say, she's the one going through that tornado of pain, what she says, goes.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 July 2012):
 who has the final say?
THE DOCTOR!
sorry but that's really the truth...
i had my children's father with me for both births... never occurred to us not to. even though it ended up with c-sections he was there for both babies.
my gf's hubby just was with her 4 months ago when their child was born... he hates doctors and hospitals and was scared to death to do it and didn't want to but his love for his wife and child won out over his fear.
I think that fathers should be there but only if they want to, the mother wants them there and the doctor says it's ok...
if dad feels he would be more of a hindrance than a help (i.e. he will be puking or fainting) then he needs to tell the mom early enough so that she can make other plans to have support staff with her.
I do think he should do the labor with her... and be as much help as possible during labor but if the actual birth is going to freak him out, he's not going to be much use to mom....
I think that a man who says I don't wanna but I will for the mom, is a good man who knows that sometimes we have to "man up" and do what we don't' wanna for the good of the family unit.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (6 July 2012):
 How about old guys thoughts?
The old cliche' of the father sitting in the waiting room smoking, is long dead. I'm hearing some waves from the very young about things they would rather not remember seeing. and in between was my generation when it was required to attend the birth of your children.
Well I wasn't traumatized by four natural child births. I wonder how much risk there really is. I will share the experience of two close friends, to demonstrate the other side of the coin. One Guy is a bit squeamish about blood, but like I said it was expected and his wife who is quite strong willed insisted. Any way the doctor and nurses didn't laugh at him after he fainted. Very professional.
The other guy's wife was unable do deliver naturally so he held her hand through Cesarian sections. I actually think he is a little more traumatized than the fainter.
Now for why he should be present for delivery. You have mentioned being there for her support. That is important for her security in the relationship. If he chooses to stay out he is saying in effect, that this natural part of life is just too icky for him. Or, worse yet that it isn't very important to him. Second is the chance for immediate bonding to the baby. I suppose any time in the first hour would work fine but it is a nice experience.
The worst thing I have seen is when every relative within 50 miles thinks they need to be in the delivery room. Folks it's not a circus, it's a n intimate moment.
FA
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female
reader, sammi star +, writes (6 July 2012):
 I'm due in 4 weeks and would be devastated if my partner left me to go through labour without him! However, if he was dead against it then I wouldn't force him as I'd worry it might make it more difficult for him to bond with the baby.
Last time (with a previous partner) I had a c section and her dad didn't want to be in with me. He ended up staying in the end as things didn't go to plan and I was rushed in as an emergency and he was glad he hadn't missed that special moment after all.
Nobody should be forced though, some men just can't bear to see their partner in that much pain and feel pretty useless throughout the whole birthing process.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2012):
 I honestly believe that a man should have a choice if he wants to be present at the birth or not, however I do understand that it is the woman that is giving birth and has to go through the ordeal and if she really wants her partner there for support I think that they should man up and be there for there other half. But off course everyone has a choice.
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