A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married, and have a child whom I conceived before getting married. I had issues with my hubby, (then boyfriend) and cheated on him. There is a high possibility that the baby is for the man I cheated with (still cant figure out why I sunk so low). The man confronted me that he wants his baby and it turned out nasty, hurling insults at me, and when hubby got involved, he insulted him too. Hubby is now cold towards the baby. We have decided we will work on the marriage despite this. Now the issue is, this man wants the baby, but does not want to do it the right way cos of financial implications. I do not want to accept that its his baby, even though I think 99% it could be his because I will put myself in a situation where he will start demanding rights to see baby, disturbing my marriage and not taking up responsibility that goes with having a child. I don’t want to be the one to start suing him for maintenance and chasing after him for child support. I asked him to sue me, and then the court would ask for paternity test (he has to pay for this). When it is proven that it’s his baby, he then will be obliged to pay child maintenance, which the court will definitely not take lightly cos of his demanding paternity. He cannot afford any of this. He is jobless, and no prospects of that. He is irresponsible drug abuser. I don’t want him near my child (if it turned out shz his child). I suspect he will not be ready to do this, but may keep bothering me, and only ask for paternity test when the child is big, like teenage, cos then there will not be much financial responsibility as somebody else would have raised the child already. How can I go about this? The baby is 7 months.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question*just an update, the man continued making noises and .insulting me. i took him to court to ask for restraining order and the process has began. he thought i would fail to tell the court about the cheating, which he wanted to use as a weapon against me. he looked very worried in court as he is visibly scared of DNA now cos he knows that if the court demands that, he will need to pay, and if it turns out he is not the father, then that will make him even more vulberable.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 Original poster asks "Am I being selfish?"
Selfishness is defined as looking out only for your own benefit. You have made your decisions to give your child the best possible family life. That is not selfish, That is looking out for the benefit of the child who is incapable of protecting it's self.
Anonymous Male asks "Does the baby's DNA change depending on how much money the father made last month?"
Let me answer with some questions:
Does DNA determine which father will benefit the child most? Does a person have a right because they claim it or because they can prove it? Will an irresponsible parent continue to have rights with their children? DNA is not the most important factor in my opinion.
FA
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 July 2012):
That is such a sad story. I'd like to add my advice to you. Working on the marriage and keeping your daughter away from a drug user are signs that you have the right priorities now. Keep on doing the things that are best for your child. Your husband is going through some very trying times right now you need to build him up every chance you get. you and your daughter are going to need to have him around.
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionam not prepared to pay for any DNA, though i can afford. i just want him either he pays for all it takes to claim and being up a child or stay away from me the rest of our his and lives. i don not want him claiming paternity and at the same time expect me to pay for DNA, raise the baby without his financial help whilst all he does is demand to see the baby and keep insulting me and hubby. am i being selfish
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 He can't bother you if he is not doing proper things with the court. If he is using threats then you can get a restraining order. If you are impatient then you can pay the paternity test yourself. The rest is up to him and the courts. Do it now and get rid of him. He will probably die before the child grows older. He is just talking here, enjoying the sound of his voice. He is not going to be responsible. Just because he is not going to do his court duty does not mean you sit and wait and just hopes he disappears. I know it's hard to tell the court you cheated with that scum but better do it now because the court will know one day. The more you drag on the more days you are going to spend with unease.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2012): Does the baby's DNA change depending on how much money the father made last month?
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