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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi,i have been dating a man online for the past 8 months,we planned a lot about our future including starting a family, the problem is he always keep on chatting with other women online and another thing he lives miles away from where i do but promised me that he will come this December and when he comes he wants me to conceive and also will be coming to see me every year. Should i go on with the plans or i just stop and move on with my life? Pls help me
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female
reader, Cupid243 +, writes (17 November 2006):
Don't you EVER think about being with this man. What kind of man wants to only see you once a year. Not only that, you know nothing about him. What if he has AIDS. That's something you should both go get tested for together. Do NOT take his word for anything. Don't you think that you deserve more than that? Furthermore, how are you going to provide for a child. Believe me when I tell you that he will NOT help you. Besides, how do you know he's not married or crazy or on drugs. Don't be a fool! You need to cease all communication NOW.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): Please, please pay attention to what the male poster and Dr. Psych have written!
This man is totally nuts. Not trustworthy at all. What sort of man would tell you - before you've even met - that he wants you to have his baby and that he will be coming to visit you every year. What sort of father would THAT be?! I don't suppose he has mentioned anything about financial support for the next 20 years were you to become pregnant, now has he? You don't need this kind of burden in your life. He just aims to get sex from you (and god knows who else as well) whenever he wants it, no strings.
If he calls on the phone, tell him ONCE and once only, that you do not want to hear from him again, not now, not ever. Its over, done with, finished. Having told him this flat-out, block his name from your email list; if he calls on the phone, hang up immediately; delete any text messages he might send. You do not need to give him a reason or justify WHY you are ending it! Its enough that you have decided to stop communication permanently. If he does phone you after you have told him, again, just hang up right away. Do not allow any discussion, not even if you have to cut him off in mid-sentence: i.e., he says "but I thought we had....." CLICK - that's the sound of you putting the phone down.
Drop him like the poisonous snake he is and get on with your life!
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A
female
reader, twilightdiamond  +, writes (17 November 2006):
 I agree with DR psych... but maybe you should get to know him physically before geting rid of him completly. He sounds like a comeplete crack-pot... almost like he's try to spread his 'seed' all over the world or something... Anyways i most definitly think you should strike the whole family idea off your list of things to do with this guy... But I dont think there is any harm in spending time with him when he shows up... more than likely if he does show up you'll realise that he is totally CrAzY and you'll have more reason to end it. hope i was helpful
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): Yes, you must stop all communication with this person. He's really sick (seriously).
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (17 November 2006):
 The guy is crackers and you need to run away, fast....I have never heard of anything so bizarre in my life. You may feel you 'know' this guy but you only know his online persona...starting a family with someone is a HUGE life decision and it is a very nice idea to get to know them offline for a good while before you start nesting. Even if you were to go along with this crazy plan then I don't understand how he thinks you are in control of your own fertility...there is a far cry between trying to get pregnant and actually conceiving...normal healthy couples take a couple of months sometimes! Are you sure this guy is not just stringing you along....he chats to other women and runs a few lines past you about 'starting a family' which communicates a message to you that he is 'serious' about you. The cynic (thats me!) might say he is just spinning you a few lines to make sure you provide sexual services to him when he comes to visit you...in his world it may make the expense of the trip worthwhile. If he was really into you then he would have (a) made arrangements to meet you months ago as men knock doors down when they are keen, (b) want to take things slowly when he met you to convey a message that he is a gent and wants to get to know the would-be mother of his baby and (c) he definitely wouldnt be chatting up other women on the net. I rather suspect there are lots of players out there on the internet as well as psychopaths and general social misfits. Sure, there are probably nice people too but it is hard to determine what he is like as you won't know his family, community associates and goodness knows how many lies he could be telling. Everyone is entitled to make dating mistakes but don't turn it into a life sentence...he may have STD's, he maybe an axe-stroking lunatic who won't be father of the year anytime soon and by having a baby with a complete stranger you are setting up a situation of control where he can potentially keep in touch with you for the next 18 years via your child whether you like it or not. Take that fuse out of your computer plug and walk away from this bizarre man!
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