| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I am 38. Divorced in September, I have been in a relationship with a married man for 19 mths. His wife knows about me since last Aug. The relationship has gone thru many hardships and many good times. I have walked away a few times during the bad times, but he then calls me and gets very angry if I don't answer.I do love and care for him. I am confused. I don't know what to do. He suffers from depression and I want to help him alll I can. His wife is really evil. I was pregnant to him and she kicked and punched me. She is very different background to me. I could never do that, no matter how angry I was with someone. I later had a misscarriage. I live alone and my life is hard, but I try my best.Recently he has been distant. I dont know if he wants to say goodbye. I have asked him but he says he loves and cares for me.Should I end it? I don't want to be at his beck and call, and he can't commit one way or the other. I said we'd be friends, then he lets me down time and time again. I know it's not easy for him but it's not for me either. What should I do?
View related questions:
divorce, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): Well, you cheated on your husband with this man, and he cheated on his wife with you. Nice.
If he DID "love and care for you" he would decide to divorce his wife - or separate first, with the intention of getting divorced - and would commit to you. This he has not done. Therefore, so much for his "love and caring." He acts distant, gets angry when he doesn't get what he wants. Sounds like a spoiled brat.
You had a miscarriage. Traumatic, but at least you're not in the position of being a single mother......you said your life is hard......
His wife......"evil" is she? Well, she should not have kicked and punched you, no way, but what did you expect? You were messing with her husband.
Drop this man like a hot potato, forget him, ahd don't look back! Get on with your life.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (16 November 2006):
 You cannot be 'friends' with this guy...you were lovers before. He is obviously not a nice guy - it sounds like he is in an abusive marriage and is abusing you at least verbally (...getting angry when his needs are not met is emotional abuse). I am not saying his wife is a wonderful woman if she is violent but honestly you should just feel sorry for the poor woman...she obviously has psychological issues of her own if the only anger management technique she has is fighting with pregnant women! This guy will never be with you as you would like and could you trust him if he did leave his wife? He is cheating on her...he'll cheat on you too! I don't care if he has depression because he is a grown man who should face up to his life problems and see a doctor. You are not his therapist but a lonely woman stuck in a bad situation. Don't be a victim to this guy and his sordid mess...walk away and stay away...single life cannot be as bad as the current situation and there are single guys out there who will take care of you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Arabyesque +, writes (16 November 2006):
Let's break it down, shall we?1) He's married!2) His wife is obviously willing to fight for him, which means she loves him. 3) He's distant with you and gets angry (read: abusive?) if you don't take his calls when HE wants you to take them. Why are you doing this to yourself? Nearly two years with a dipshit who clearly isn't planning to leave his wife for you-- have you no pride? Why on earth would you try to have a child with him?!You're casting yourself as the bad guy, the homewrecker, the "other woman". You deserve better than this-- like, say, a guy who actually WANTS you for something other than a fuckbuddy when his wife isn't putting out? Are you actually naive enough to think you have an emotional and loving connection with this guy when you're seeing him illicitly behind his wife's back?End it! Find someone better. Have some self-respect!
...............................
|
