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male
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*akeos
writes: Hey there everyone, just wondering if anyone can shed some light, or give advice on the situation i am in.I was seeing a girl for just over 2 years, everything was perfect as it usually is, best years of our life, and now i dont know what the hell is goin on. She ended it with me about a month ago, things had been going a bit stale, and i can see why she did it. We talked a few times and sorted things out, figured out where and why it went wrong, but it kept goin back and forth for a few weeks and now we have some sort of arrangment, but its not really what i want and she knows that. Its amazing how much you want to hear them say i love you again, and you hate yourself for takin those words for granted, when they meant somethin.I still see her during the week etc, stay over, we do all the stuff we always used to do when the relationship was at its peak, most importantly laughing, cuddling and sleeping with each other going out etc. We have both agreed that things feel better now than it was before and she is realy happy when she is with me. But when i go she thinks about me and everythin and it messes with her head again. She gets upset as do i, when we talk about whats going on with us, and we always seem to stumble on the same questions etc, and dont answer anythin, and whenever we do talk about us, she gets really upset and thinks that we shouldnt see each other at all even tho she really does still want to spend quality time with me and she cries like mad when she talks about not seein each other, but we sort that out straight away and all is good again. And shes unsure of what she wants and says theres so much going on in her head that its really confusing her, but she is adamant she doesnt want a full on relationship right now, not just with me, but with anyone.The arrangement we have now is not girlfriend and boyfriend anymore, but more of a sleeping together/seeing each other type thing, its much more than sex buddies, but not full on, as i want, and she so wants to love me again like she once did and she always cries when she remebers about how i used to make her feel, but at the same time doesnt want to lead me on if she feels like she cant love me that way again. I really enjoy being with her, but i always have that fear in mind that theres no point to keep trying, but i cant let this one go.Another problem is i know theres another guy she has kissed a couple times, nothing more, but she has said she doesnt want anything more relationship wise from him, but she doesnt know what he wants, and i asked her what she would do if he wanted the sort of relationhip we have now but with him, and she doesnt know. She has yet to tell him that she is still seeing and sleeping with me, but she is going to, and am i wrong in hoping that he runs a mile? Ive said to her that if she does find someone else i will back away and leave it be, i am not the kind of guy to cause trouble and go after him, cos that just makes things so much worse, but part of me wants to cave his head in, and i know its not his fault at all, but your heart makes you feel it is sometimes.She wants to feel single, you know the freedom, but she still really wants to spend time with me and see me etc at the same time. I pray so hard that she will start having feelings for me again, and she said that if it does start becoming more she will give it a chance. She said that the history we have together is a good thing if she wants more and that i stand a better chance than anyone if she wants anythin in the future, that begs the question of will she? and of course, when?I really dont know what to do, should i stick it through in the hope that it does become more again, or get out and forget about it. I just really feel like its got to be worth a try instead of giving up, and even when im wih her i feel down some times about giving up or losing her, but i hide it well. And im sure theres some feelings there, shes just confused and unsure. I have told her i love her, and it always makes her cry.It feels so special now that its gone, and that is the worst part.Help please, sorry for the long post, but im trying to provide as much info as i can regarding this. As you can tell i think about it a lot. Just looking at her hurts deep down.
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reader, I Waited For The One  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 the same thing is happening to me at the present time. girlfriend spilit with me a month ago. i begged her the day she dumped me for sex she said no.
last weekend she told me the sex part was wearing off and she misses sex. she told me about this lad ryan she told me she didn't like but she always go's on about him. so i kind of knew she liked him & this other lad james from her works ryan lives close 2 her brother where my ex lives right now.
Last thursday my ex told me ryan had said some bad thing about her not givin it up 2 him calling my ex a tease. so my ex stoped talking to ryan. my ex told me she liked ryan and he like's her and if she was ever 2 have sex with anyone it will be ryan. so i kind of got a lucky break when ryan said the bad things about her in a way.
i'm well over my ex a month after us being 2gether. but last friday night we made love in the 4 week's we become very close friend's not Best best friends but close friend's i'm someone who she can talk 2 about anything but she's got a best best friend who she talks about me with.
we made love last friday night. we both agreed it was only gonna b fun. saturday night (the night after) i kept slapping her ass because she had a short skirt on. and the day after she told me i was in the wrong because what if she had pulled. but i did as a laff.
on monday night i asked her to come 2 my house she told me she couldn't because she had ton's of things 2 do. at 10pm she came over and i give her all night oral pleasures. she didn't even touch me once and when i asked she told " i'm 2 tired "
my brother & is bird think this is going to do my head in or fuck it up. but i look at this in a good way. i get what i wanted sex without the headache.
me & my ex have an agreement that we have sex (no comdoms) and we still try for a kid but she told me if i had sex with anyone else i had to wear rubbers and she told me she would do the same so she's thinking of sleeping with other guys.
does that piss me off? yes because i think y do that if u wanna stay single when your ex will do all that 4 u anytime.
what do u aim to get out of all this? a kid i told my ex all i want is a kid when i was with her. maybe when she get pregnant she will need me again but in my eyes she haveing to much fun single.
meeting lads, sleeping at mates, saturday nights out the things she can't do if she was dateing me.
she want's her tonque done she wants to cut her hair.
she's doing alot of things i wouldn't let her do whilie we was dateing but the tonque things r not nice but 2 me i'm just gonna put up with it.
we slept together i've give her oral pleasure twice and she's only jerked me for a lil bit and licked my dick. how can i get her 2 suck my dick again?
if we hang out like today and i talk about it she always say's " where meant to be friend's y r we talking about this "
she's gonna move into 1 of her friend's soon who live's very close 2 me so i'm kind of happy because then she will be home alone nearly all week.
but her best best friend sherri doesn't know about us haveing sex. i think i'm gonna tell my ex 2 tell her because if sherri walk's in and hears us haveing sex it could hurt there friendship.
the only problem is. my ex & her mate r not staying in the flat that's 10 mintues away from me they wanna move but no idea where yet.
A
male
reader, dakeos +, writes (22 November 2006):
dakeos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, things are moving along steadily. Im feeling much better now, having fun without her.
Weve agreed to kind of start all over again. Gonna meet up, nothing romantic, and no going round to each others houses, and were talkin now better than we ever did.
The awkwardness has gone when we do run into each other, and im feelin less confused, and maybe to an extent a lot less attached to her now.
Ive also sort of met someone else, dont know what i want from her, but she makes me feel better, havent done anything with her yet, not even a kiss.
I do like her, but i dont want to drag her into this whole mess. Still too soon, and i dont want her to be the rebound thing because im feelin like i dont want to be alone.
But as i say, things are gettin easier, and im gettin on with things.
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A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (20 November 2006):
She's playing with your mind much like my ex is. You need to lay your feelings on the table and tell her that you can't keep doing this, that it's emotionally draining. Tell her how you really feel- that you still love her and would like to be in a relationship with her- but that you can't keep playing these games with her. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, dakeos +, writes (16 November 2006):
dakeos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, were gonna leave it for a little bit before we see each other. I think its a good idea, havent really given her a chance to miss me yet. So well see how that goes. Its not a break with no contact tho, she still wants to send me little messages now and then, and possibly a quick chat.
But i cant stress how nice it is to have independant people give you their opinion, and again thanks for all your support and advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): This is me 6 weeks ago! Broke up with my guy, he became very taken to being single but was still attached to me, we became sex buddies but it was pretty much like a relationship only in denial. We did this for a month then he suddenly found himself a gf out of nowhere and now I'm left with nothing.
Don't do what I did. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. Make sure you always know where you stand with eachother. I know where she's coming from because I was there too- She's been 'we' for such a long time she just wants to be 'me' again.
Maybe you should discuss going on a break? I've done that before too- the guy had commitment issues and tried to end it, we compromised by going on a break. 10 days later he saw some other guy flirting with me and he had me back as quickly as he could, then I had the best 4 month relationship of my life.
If you really love her then don't give up on her. She may end up with other people, but if you mean something to her then she'll find her way back to you eventually. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, dakeos +, writes (16 November 2006):
dakeos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will let you know what happens dont worry. And yes, if it does get too painful, i will definately get out. I know when im beaten.
Hanging out with her was painful, but it was me making it that way not her, now im gonna relax and take it as it comes. Thank you, youve made me feel much better.
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A
female
reader, mwest  +, writes (16 November 2006):
I think your doing the right decision for now. If she really loves you and if you are taking the sex away, this will be the test to see if she is just in it for that and not you. My ex once said to me not long ago, that he didn't need to have sex with me and we're still talking even though that is not out of our equation. Hang in there and hopefully she'll come around. But, like I said before, if it gets too hard for you to still hang out with her, then you have to rethink your life with her. Keep me informed how things go.
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A
male
reader, dakeos +, writes (16 November 2006):
dakeos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responses guys. They both make sense, but ive been thinkin so hard today, that im gonna ride this one through, i know it may completely backfire on me, and i may regret it, but this time im following what my heart tells me, and its tellin me not to give in. And as for whether shes worth it and whether i love her, its a yes to both.
Im not throwin your answer out completely DrPsych, and im very appreciative of your response, maybe if i didnt know her as well as i do, i woulda got out much sooner, but its the way she looks at me that makes me wanna try. I think i made myself more upset with all my thinkin about it too much, and ive kinda got my head straight today. Weve talked again today, and so much has got sorted, ive said im takin away the sex, the staying over, all the things i thought she wanted to still see me for, and she still wants to, surely thats good isnt it?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (16 November 2006):
 I honestly think she should cry when you tell her how you feel! You sound like a nice person but you have to say enough is enough. You are not going to get the full package relationship with this girl that you want and you are settling for half-measures in the hope that things will work out. This girl is kissing other guys - it sends out a signal that you are a 'make do' friend/ lover until someone else comes along. This girl is too insecure to cut ties with you altogether because she fears a cold world of single life without a shoulder to cry on, a man in her bed and a bit of company to fill the lonely hours. It is a question of self esteem for you I am afraid - you can 'settle' for this arrangement in the knowledge that she will leave you when she meets another man, or you can walk away from this tangled mess now before it destroys you. If you stop spending time with her, you stop being confused about the relationship and time will heal those wounds.
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A
female
reader, mwest +, writes (16 November 2006):
I'm going through the same thing with my ex right now and believe me, I completely understand where your coming from. We broke up almost 4 months ago now because he's battling depression and he wants to get better before he can be in a commited relationship. We're acting the sameway that you and your ex are and its very confusing for me too. All, I have to say is if you really love her and if she's worth the wait, then stick it out. But, if its starting to become to painful for you, then I would have to say move on then. For me, I love my ex very much still and we are dating each other without the commitment and its hard, I want more from him and he can't give me that right now. He's starting to get help, but I think in time, my gut will tell me clearly what my next step should be. Good luck and if you need me, I'm here for ya!
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A
male
reader, dakeos +, writes (16 November 2006):
dakeos is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: Another thing, is it a good or a bad thing, that she still wants to see me, even if i took sex out of the equation?
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