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... Send *immD a private message | | | *immD's profile:Any advice I give should not be taken personally. I'm not here to judge you, so you can be sure any advice I give is strictly objective. What you choose to do with my advice is completely up to you, though you can be sure the advice I am giving you is what I feel is best for you.
Please keep an open mind when asking for advice. It seems that many people aren't really looking for advice, they are just looking for justification to do what they already have in their mind to do. This site is about gaining an unbiased perspective on things. Please don't ask a question if you've already made your mind up on what to do.
Some things to remember:
- The "pullout" method is NOT a method of birth control. This is just something people do to rationalize their thoughts that sex without a condom feels better than it does with a condom. Even though a man doesn't climax, he still secretes fluid the entire time that has the potential to make you pregnant. Don't be a fool, if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex.... use birth control.
- There is no excuse for "revenge" sex. If your partner cheats on you, immediately going out to sleep with someone else as revenge doesn't make it right.... it makes things way worse. Relationships aren't about keeping score. If you believe they are, then you shouldn't be in one.
- Relationships rarely end easily. Especially long term relationships. It is very common for one partner to breakup with the other and then continue to text them or call them. Many times sex can start again as well. Unfortunately, there was a reason you two broke up in the first place and odds are a cycle with start to where you start to spend more time together and eventually feel like you ARE together... only to break up again. So before you post those "He broke up with me but he still texts me!" questions, remember this.
- There are about 50 million posts here regarding porn. Please do a search prior to posting questions like "My boyfriend watches porn, what should I do?". This is a touchy subject here but my opinion on porn is that it's not a big deal - as long as it's not an addiction. To MOST men, watching porn is strictly a tool for masturbating. Those women are not the type men want to have relationships with. Ask and most men will tell you that as soon as they "do their deed" they shut it off. It's not like they watch it for any other purpose. From my experience, the women that have issues with porn have issues with their own self confidence and they are insecure. There are many women out there that are confident that they satisfy their men sexually and feel that their husband watching porn is harmless. However, don't get me wrong, there are times when a man is addicted to porn and will choose porn OVER sex with their partner. This is where porn is unhealthy. My point in all of this is if you are in what you consider to be a "perfect" relationship with a great guy who does anything and everything for you, there is no need to penalize him if he watches porn. If you STILL have a problem with it, try watching it with him. Make it a sexual experience for the both of you. Or, record yourself with him. You'd be surprised what that does for a relationship. |
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| Latest articles: What you need to know about Online Dating
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 August 2010: First, let me start off by saying that online dating is not a bad thing. In todays age of technology and the internet, I think online dating is just as good if not better than simply meeting someone at a bar, pub or nightclub. When you meet ...
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Can I be forgiven for cheating? Do I deserve a chance to prove myself?
Q. This is what happened, i was with my now ex "Ladge" on and off for 2 years. We split and decided to become friends as we got on so well. We never loved each other but as she had a kid and enjoyed doing sports together we tried to keep a friendship ...
A. 30 March 2010: 8 days? Ok, you definitely need to give her some space. I know it's hard. You are worried she'll find someone else, but in reality if you too were together long enough it'll be hard for her to move on THAT quickly.
Try going one week without ... (read in full...)
Are you likely to fall pregnant having sex during your period?
Q. Me and my boyfriend had sex well i was on my period and we did it the pull out way cuz we both herd that it was unlikely to get pregnit well your on it. Does any one know what the chances or percentage that i could be pregnit? I wouldnt really mind ...
A. 30 March 2010: During your period is rare. But any other time using the "pull out method" isn't NOT a sure way to prevent pregnancy. You can still get pregnant that way. Use condoms or the pill to be sure.... (read in full...)
4-5 days late on my period should I do another pregnancy test?
Q. hi all I have been with my partner for a year now, we love each other very much. i usually get my period on time and i am never late. i get my period every 3 weeks (its always been like that since i started when i was younger). 3 days before i...
A. 30 March 2010: Definitely take another test. While this doesn't mean you are pregnant, the only way to find out is to take another test. If this one comes back negative then that's a pretty good sign that you're not.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend as your best friend???
Q. Following my recent breakup with my boyfriend, its been very difficult for us not to talk to each other as he always said that our friendship was the most important part of us. Recently we've been texting, casually. He's still able to make me ...
A. 30 March 2010: It depends on a few things. Why did you break up? Are you worried he still may have feelings for you? Do you still having feelings for him? Staying friends isn't a bad thing. But if one of you still has feelings while the other doesn't, THAT ... (read in full...)
I cum too fast!
Q. So my problem is that, I cum too fast. The second my boyfriend sticks it in, I just cum and idk what I can do to keep myself from cuming so fast. Any tips? Is anything wrong with me? ...
A. 30 March 2010: There's nothing wrong with it. It's not like being a guy. If a guy cums that fast he's done for at least 15 minutes, but usually more. Most girls can orgasm multiple times without too much of a break.
FYI, 85% of an orgasm is psycholo... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I am 42 and dating a 23 year old?
Q. im a young 42 and recently started a relationship with a 23yr old, looks bit older! sex great and txt each other every day! is this wrong lust or do you think anything can come ov it! i havnt had sex for nearly 2 years so.. but i do find we get o...
A. 30 March 2010: Have fun. Enjoy it. Younger guys are attracted to older women all of the time. He's enjoying you so do the same thing. I wouldn't expect this to be long term, but if you understand that early on in the relationship it can be great.
Is it wrong... (read in full...)
Can you give me one good reason why I shouldn't just dump him?
Q. I love this guy with all my heart; he's my first love, and every time I think about us breaking up I just start to cry. We began our relationship online in 2008, but since he and I were both under 18 and living on opposite sides of the country, we ...
A. 30 March 2010: Entertainment?
Dump him. He's an online player. That's why your relationship was so good BEFORE you officially got together and lived together. He's good a juggling relationships (possibly many) online, by either emailing, Skype, or texting.... (read in full...)
Can I be forgiven for cheating? Do I deserve a chance to prove myself?
Q. This is what happened, i was with my now ex "Ladge" on and off for 2 years. We split and decided to become friends as we got on so well. We never loved each other but as she had a kid and enjoyed doing sports together we tried to keep a friendship ...
A. 30 March 2010: It's not so much "convincing" as it's gotta be more "asking". If you know here friends or at least know how to contact them, then maybe trying to meet with them isn't a bad idea. She's already left the door SLIGHTLY open by saying "If I took you ... (read in full...)
Still bleeding 3 days after losing my virginity!
Q. hellow there, the thing is im kinda confused right now. i lost my virginity 3 days ago , and im still bleeding right. i dont know how normal is this, and i dont know if the virgin blood could have got mixed with my period blood, because im EXTRE...
A. 29 March 2010: I doubt this has anything to do with the exact act of sexual intercourse. But if this is highly out of the ordinary don't take a chance and get yourself to a doctor. Better to be safe then sorry.... (read in full...)
Love confusion......
Q. I met this really nice guy at school a while back I really like him but i was concerned about our age difference which is only a year, (im older) the other problem is he's a smoker, and he seems to flirt with a lot of girls. He says he likes me...
A. 29 March 2010: Aside from me thinking you are over-reacting about the age thing, which I know you said you are over....
Don't get involved. It sounds like you're just trying to convince yourself. If you look at all that you typed from an objective view you... (read in full...)
Can I be forgiven for cheating? Do I deserve a chance to prove myself?
Q. This is what happened, i was with my now ex "Ladge" on and off for 2 years. We split and decided to become friends as we got on so well. We never loved each other but as she had a kid and enjoyed doing sports together we tried to keep a friendship ...
A. 29 March 2010: No insults, friend. First and foremost you are putting your life on the line to protect your country and I respect that. The simple fact of the matter is, you cheated. And not only that, you lied in the process. I'm not disputing the love you ... (read in full...)
I'm going to lose my virginity but my boyfriend is really big and I am worried!
Q. I read from one post before that a girl having very horrible experience when she lost virginity to her bf who having a 9" penis and felt like vagina split into two. I worry I will face the same situation as my bf slightly more than 8.5" and thick in ...
A. 29 March 2010: As I answered in a previous post about a virgin asking advice, I'm going to tell you the same thing. Don't think too much ahead of time. People worry themselves too much. Has he had sex before? A man has full control over what he is doing, which ... (read in full...)
Can people change?
Q. My husband had a 3 year affair with his niece who was 15 when it started. He was 30. He says she initiated it and that he was to far in to get out, he said she threatened him with suicide if he left her. He was raped by family members as a young ...
A. 29 March 2010: Can people change? Yes. It's hard, and not common, but it can happen. As far as your husband goes, I think there is more that is needed then him simply deciding to change. Being raped or abused, especially by family members when you are younger ... (read in full...)
What do my dreams about my teacher mean?
Q. Hey. suddenly I have been having dreams about my teacher. There mostly about him comforting me when I'm upset then him kissing me. I like these dreams. I was just wandering why I'm having these dreams and what they mean? Extra info. We ...
A. 29 March 2010: Yes, you do like him.... (read in full...)
My wife was cheating with her cousin!
Q. My wife cheated on me with her cousin. They had sex multiple times and she was staying at his house. This was all while she was on vacation visiting her family. She just started getting to know them all including her father. He ran out on her mother ...
A. 29 March 2010: There is definitely something strange going on there with that family. She's being manipulated and they're preying on her fragile state. No matter what happens you need to get her home first and foremost. She seems like she's giving into pressure ... (read in full...)
I'm pretty sure she still has feelings for me ...
Q. A few months ago, I asked a girl out, and she said no, because she had a girlfriend. I was determined to stay good friends with her and we became closer and closer. Recently, she started kissing me and confessed that she liked me and had been unable ...
A. 29 March 2010: Yeah, what have you got to lose? I wouldn't pressure her saying "Do you like me or not???". I'd just sit her down and tell her something along the lines of "I know you're in a relationship, but I really care about you and have strong feelings for ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for straight males to sometimes have a crush on another male?
Q. I am a senior in all boys high school. I play football so I know students from th 9th grade thru the 12th grade. I have a problem. I am not gay, but I am starting to have a crush on a freshman that is 14 years old. He can make me laugh and we ...
A. 29 March 2010: If you have sexual desires of any kind for another male, you are gay/bi. You can try to put a percentage on it all you want, and you can even be attracted to females too... but you are definitely not in the straight category anymore.
Sorry... (read in full...)
I'm curious...what do people think about the whole "friends with benefits" idea?
Q. Just curious as to what people think of the whole "friends with benefits" idea. I mean, what defines a relationship as that and do you think it's bad or trashy? I feel like I'm in that situation right now with my best friend. We used to date and ...
A. 29 March 2010: I don't think FWB is a bad thing, but the problem is 99 times out of 100 they will not work. Someone always gets attached, therefor when the other one starts seeing somebody else the other gets hurt. Your case is a perfect example... you say you ... (read in full...)
1st Time Questions 2
Q. I am the same guy from yesterday's post 1ST TIME QUESTIONS(Today me and my girlfriend(we both virgins) had to go to a date for sex 1st time in 2 and a half year relationship. I asked about condoms, pills, protection etc). I want to thank all the ...
A. 26 March 2010: Ok, as DoubleM stated your trouble with erection is common for a first timer. I was the one yesterday who replied not to focus too much on the details because your first time is going to be anything but perfect. Here are some things to help:
... (read in full...)
I feel like my mom is interfering with my relationship with my brother
Q. I'm 20, 21 in September. My brother is 20 in November. We get on so well. Like we have the same sense of humour, and the same views and opinions. We hardly ever argue, and when we do, he will come up to me within the next hour and start flicking me ...
A. 26 March 2010: You can try just confronting your mom and tell her how you feel and how she's making you feel. Otherwise, I wouldn't change the way you act around your brother. Sounds like you two have a great relationship and I don't see anything wrong with what ... (read in full...)
Is my penis size a problem?
Q. i have a small penis about 4 and a half hard and about 2 thick is this really a big problem to most ladies...
A. 26 March 2010: Hmmmmm. Are you really between 30-35 years old or are you younger? A LOT younger?
Assuming you mean inches, then yes... that is a small penis.... (read in full...)
What is the whole tight/ loose thing?
Q. *OP's own title* i don't understand the whole tight and loose hing for a girl. if you have sex and then after you are loose then who is going to ever going to have sex with you. the guys say they only want a tight girl. i'm confused...
A. 26 March 2010: Sex Education 101: Not all male penis' are the same size. Some are smaller, some are larger. Same thing goes for the female vagina. Some are smaller or "tighter" and some are larger or more "loose". Having sex won't make a vagina more loose. ... (read in full...)
What do my dreams about my teacher mean?
Q. Hey. suddenly I have been having dreams about my teacher. There mostly about him comforting me when I'm upset then him kissing me. I like these dreams. I was just wandering why I'm having these dreams and what they mean? Extra info. We ...
A. 26 March 2010: What you are experiencing is typical teenage lusting or a "crush" on your teacher. It is very common and usually includes daydreaming and fantasizing about them. At some times those dreams can become sexual because of those raging hormones ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my mother about my love for my cousin?
Q. First off I already know this could be considered incest, but that it's legal in the US, at least in this case cause he's my cousin. He's the son of my grandmother's half brother, correct me if im wrong, so he's my 1st cousin once removed. Back i...
A. 26 March 2010: At this point I'd say be honest with your mom. Tell her this has been on your mind for some time now and you just need some closure so you can move on. Since she's the one in charge of this trip I think this will be your best chance to see him. ... (read in full...)
I know I'm too young for sex, so what should I do to get it out of my system??
Q. I am 14 and I can't stop thinking about sex. I know that I'm too young and don't want to risk getting pregnant. my parents r very strict n would never let me buy a vibrator. what should I do?...
A. 26 March 2010: I think you're parents would much rather you masturbate then have sex.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend ready to hear the important details about my affair?
Q. Ok, so I cheated on my boyfriend 5 months ago and told him almost immediately, but left out details as he didn't want to know them. All he knows is that I cheated on him, we didn't have sex, and it was a one-time thing. The guy I cheated with lived ...
A. 26 March 2010: You may think you're getting through this in a mature and intelligent manner, but you are not. You are lying and keeping things from him which is childish and wrong. Your relationship is over because you keep giving him reasons not to trust you. ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my mother about my love for my cousin?
Q. First off I already know this could be considered incest, but that it's legal in the US, at least in this case cause he's my cousin. He's the son of my grandmother's half brother, correct me if im wrong, so he's my 1st cousin once removed. Back i...
A. 26 March 2010: What are you looking for out of this visit with your cousin? A relationship? Do you know him well enough that you think you could have a serious relationship? If so, would either of you have to move to be with eachother and would you or he do ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my wife and her sister, please help me!
Q. Hi, I have a big problem. I've been married for 12 years and known my wife for 14. We have 2 great kids and our relationship is great. I love my wife, I really do. I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt her. Problem is I love her sister as we...
A. 25 March 2010: Probably a little of both. It is very common to be wonder about the one that "could have been". Even if you aren't talking about marriage, it's not unusual to wonder what sex would have been like. But at the same time since you've known her for ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend loves my sister!
Q. *OP's own title* i have been with my partner for a year now, its my first serious relationship, and im his first love. we get on great, have a fun together, always cuddling and kissing, however there is one problem, i dont know if its just me, but ...
A. 25 March 2010: I think you're over-reacting, personally. You admit you have trust issues. So far he is telling you nothing is happening and your sister is saying the same thing. If you leave him then I think this sets up a pattern for the rest of your life. ... (read in full...)
How do you know when he has cum? Does he pull a face?
Q. hi how do you know when a boy has cum during sex? it just confuses me coz i dont know what face they pull or what sound they make when they get to that moment, i never seem to know when my boyfriend has cum. i feel wet and soaked after sex d...
A. 25 March 2010: The act of "cumming" is the man's penis ejaculating (squirting) semen out. It's not just overall wetness, there is a pretty good amount of liquid squirting out of him. Also, the man's penis will "pump" or throb while it's happening. A lot of ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my sister in law that he husband cheated on her?
Q. When I graduated I moved into an apartment with my sister and her friend. By the time my sister got married her friend and I had gotten to be very close. After my sister moved out we stayed together as roommates and I want to make it clear that ...
A. 25 March 2010: No win situation, man. If the thought of your friend finding out you knew and being hurt is more scary then any reaction your brother in law might have then tell her. If you think he may be bluffing to get a reaction out of you try confronting him ... (read in full...)
I haven't been able to bring him off?
Q. Hello people Ive been seeing my new guy for about 2 weeks ,we have slept together and hes never cum when doing anything what is all this about?? I no he does smoke weed and is always drinking down the pub ive just never experienced it with any ...
A. 25 March 2010: Some guys just don't like having their balls touched or played with. I wouldn't think that is too abnormal. Not being able to cum? That's a little odd. Especially in a brand new relationship like this. Sounds like he has some kind of issue ... (read in full...)
First time questions
Q. Hi I am 21 years old. Tomorrrow, me and my girlfriend are going to have sex for the 1st time in our 2 and a half years relationship. So here are a few questions I want help with from experienced people: 1. How hard or gentle should I be with her...
A. 25 March 2010: Well, I'll let the women on the board handle the female type questions. As far as the other stuff goes? I'll tell you this right now.... you're going to be so nervous, excited, and even scared that your first time will be anything but smooth. You ... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble moving on because I don't know why he dumped me
Q. Hey guys, I hope you can give me some opinions on this. I met this guy last year and he asked me out. We hit it off really well but he had to leave town for business right after our first date. While he was away for about a month, he called...
A. 25 March 2010: Sounds like he's got some issues of his own. I wouldn't let it bother you. Live your life, be happy with your boyfriend. I seriously doubt it was something you did. You didn't even have time to do something wrong. :-)
Good luck with your new... (read in full...)
How do you make a three person relationship work?
Q. I just want to know if anyone is in a 3-some relationship. If so can u tell me how you make it work cause I'm in one and sometimes i feel uncomfortable. ...
A. 25 March 2010: In most societies, especially the US... a three person relationship will never work for an extended period of time. No matter what one of the 3 will always want more and jealousy or fear of commitment will start.
Can you give us some more det... (read in full...)
The baby girl I had adopted is in my class!!! (I'm teaching her!)
Q. I'm an 8th grade teacher and when i was younger I had a baby girl and put her up for adoption because i was only 15 at the time i had her. Now I recently recieved an email from the parents of a child informing me that my daughter was in my class. ...
A. 25 March 2010: DO NOT TELL HER. You gave up that right when you put her up for adoption. This is a consequence that you have to live with. The only other option you have is telling the school and having them re-locate her to another classroom maybe. In fact, ... (read in full...)
Does this brother - sister relationship seem strange to you?
Q. My girlfriend (21) seems unhealthily too close to her 13 year old brother. She calls him sweetie all the time and seems obsessively interested in his life particulary any girlfriends/relationships. She has him round her house every Thursday night ...
A. 25 March 2010: I'd need to hear about a few more things before I'd find it unhealthy or really out of the ordinary. As Laura mentioned, she could be acting motherlike in addition to being a sister.
I wouldn't worry yet...... (read in full...)
I had sex with my sisters teacher. Would this be a relationship that could be pursued?
Q. Just recently I had some relationship trouble in my life. I have a sister who is quite younger than me who is going to the school I went to. She is in fifth grade and has the same teacher I had. She told him about what had gone on. At her school ...
A. 25 March 2010: He took advantage of you for sex. Don't get involved. I'd even be cautious about your sister. He could be "planting seeds" in her mind already to where she develops a crush on him. Not that anything would happen yet, but maybe when she's older. ... (read in full...)
She wants to end our affair to pursue a family life.
Q. Internally I'm going crazy! I've been holding this stuff inside for nearly 4 years without sharing it with anyone, and it is eating me up inside. I'm married, and I'm having an affair with a woman I met several years ago. We met innocently enoug...
A. 25 March 2010: The "Right" Thing To Do:
1. If you don't truly love your wife, then staying with her and your son just for the sake of doing so while loving another woman is NOT the right thing to do.
2. If your mistress is ok with focusing on a family life... (read in full...)
Why did he look over me???
Q. Ok i like this guy but he said that he was too busy working to have a gf. but his friend told me that he was thinkin about askin another girl out. why did he look over me?...
A. 24 March 2010: Yeah, he just doesn't like you. Don't take it personally.... (read in full...)
I have digital drama! Somebody help me!!
Q. Hey Everyone! Okay, i've been with my boyfriend for a year now and things have been great, but im scared my boyfriend is hiding things from me. He has a cell phone (as does every normal person) but he is SO secretive with it. Normally if a text ...
A. 24 March 2010: Cheating or talking to somebody he shouldn't is a possibility, but it's not the ONLY possibility. Sometimes guys will do that if they're embarrassed and don't want their girlfriend to see. Meaning: guys will act a certain way around other guys, ... (read in full...)
Why do I keep thinking in this masochistic way?
Q. I've realized lately that when I'm thinking about guys I'm interested in, and I imagine what it would be like to be with them, I'll start out fantisizing about kissing them, but then I'll start imagining them hitting me. Not because I think they ...
A. 24 March 2010: Ummmmmm, those aren't normal thoughts I'm afraid. Have you ever had troubles with abuse when you were younger? Or somebody close to you? Something is triggering those thoughts in your head.... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my wife and her sister, please help me!
Q. Hi, I have a big problem. I've been married for 12 years and known my wife for 14. We have 2 great kids and our relationship is great. I love my wife, I really do. I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt her. Problem is I love her sister as we...
A. 23 March 2010: Fair enough. I guess it depends on the relationship your wife and you have, and how honest you can be with eachother. Put yourself in her position for a second. What if she came to you and said she was in love with your brother (even if you don't ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my wife and her sister, please help me!
Q. Hi, I have a big problem. I've been married for 12 years and known my wife for 14. We have 2 great kids and our relationship is great. I love my wife, I really do. I wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt her. Problem is I love her sister as we...
A. 23 March 2010: I'll make it easy for you: Don't do it.
You're just going to have to do what countless other guys do and just keep the feelings to yourself. You still have those feelings for her because in your mind you believe it is possible to have a relation... (read in full...)
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